Should I speak to the wife 6 years later?

[Anon31483]

I 37F was with someone 39M for 3 months when I found out he was married with a kid on the way. I found out it wasn't the first time he cheated during their relationship either. He cheated also before they got married. The guy is a compulsive liar. The reason I didn't speak then was that his wife was pregnant with their kid and I didn't want to cause any harm. Now I found out they had a second kid who is one. I myself moved on of course and my own kid.

However my conscience has been eating me up all these years. Should I speak up anonymously?

despite your insistence, you are not over him, you haven’t moved on. If you had, then you wouldn’t have spent the last 6 years obsessing over it.

Agreed.

After 6 years, it wouldn't even be something you ever really thought about anymore other than a fleeting awareness when something triggered a memory of it.

You’re clearly still in love/ obsessed with this man. I wonder how your current partner would feel if he knew how you felt about a fling from six years ago?

Every single person on here has replied to saying it’s a bad idea with valid reasons and you are still insisting otherwise. Either this is fake or you are unhinged. Leave their family alone.

God no, that’s just cruel. Leave her alone.

When it happened, pregnant and before marriage would be when I would have wanted to know, yes.

Not when I was married and with two children who aren't as easily transportable as a pregnant belly and when they have a life and a relationship with him thaI'd feel I was uprooting.

So, yes. I would have rather have known then.

That's the point other posters have made. You didn't think it was right for you to say anything then. It might feel right for you to say something now but that doesn't mean it's the right time for her to hear it.

Why now after 6 years? Just let it go.
Who knows, maybe he has changed his ways,!!

You’d be inflicting a lot of pain on his wife.

Do you know her health status now? Do you know he hasn't told her and they have decided to stay together?

The more you post, the more obvious it is that this is all about you. Get yourself into therapy.

I know some regard it as bad form, but I have just been reading your thread about this situation posted in 2018. It's extremely interesting.

Not once in that thread did you express any concern for his wife's wellbeing.
Your desire for revenge was palpable then and clearly that hasn't changed in 6 years.
Lots of posters back then agreed that his wife needed to know , and you were given advice on how to communicate with her in the least hurtful way.
Why did you not tell her then? The baby had been born.
The fact that you have not moved on in 6 years is really concerning. Have you had counselling? Because this drive for revenge 6 years down the line is extremely unhealthy

This is unhinged, op.
Get some therapy and get on with your life.

OP, the only thing that is going to come out of this is that you will look like a bitter knobhead who hasn’t moved on.

If you think this will have any impact on him at all, then you are a fool. Chance of this ‘comeuppance’ coming to him? Zero. All you will do is cause drama and upset with zero consequences.

Don’t bother.

What are you even going on about?!

"My life isn't going great, I'll go and wreck someone else's over something that happened 6 years ago"

He will just deny it and she will believe him .

This. Is a truly disgusting post. How dare you call someone unhinged and suggest they need therapy for asking the question they asked. Gaslighting at its finest. Why do you think they’re unhinged? Why do you think they need therapy? Please… elaborate.

Don't be a twat
Get over it
Leave them alone

This

You're coming across like an angry woman who was scorned. You're out for revenge and want to hurt him where it hurts. To me, that is what you seem to be looking for.

Could this be because he seems to have a happy family and you don't? Therefore, by telling his wife, chances are that his family will break up and he will be in the same situation as you?

The right thing would be to say nothing. But, if you're so hurt and wish to punish him. Go ahead and tell his wife. Just pray that 6 years down the line, you're not back here asking for advice to assuage your guilt of any negative impact your revenge may have on the wife and children.

If it only took you three months to uncover that he was a cheat don't you think she might already know after more than 6 years with him?

Are you serious?
No, I don’t think any elaboration is necessary.

Sounds to me like you just want to cause some drama !! Absolutely nothing to gain from telling her 6 years later - you really need to move on.

Also, he may have told her and they decided to work through it - then you’ll just be bringing it all up again

If you read, I have my own family and I'm very happy. I have nothing to be jealous of this scumbag. But something like he did? You just can't let it slide. I've been thinking to speak for a while it's not a new thought

Don't stir the pot. You don't know what's happening in their lives right now. You did the right thing at the time by breaking it off.

Leave well alone

The OP had a brief relationship with a lying aresehole 6 years ago. It lasted 3 months. Thats right, just 12 weeks.
She wrote a thread at the time (after the affair had ended) asking if she shoukd tell the man's wife.
6 years (yes, 6 YEARS) later she is asking the same question and is still full of anger and desire for revenge.

That is not normal and it is not healthy. Unless the OP wants to live the rest of her life in the same state of vengeance, she could probably benefit from professional support.

For certain she doesn't know as he is very good at telling believable lies.

How do you know this??

Please find a hobby or a good cause or something to fill your time with instead of creating drama. He treated you badly, the best revenge is a life well lived.