Should I speak to the wife 6 years later?

[Anon31483]

I 37F was with someone 39M for 3 months when I found out he was married with a kid on the way. I found out it wasn't the first time he cheated during their relationship either. He cheated also before they got married. The guy is a compulsive liar. The reason I didn't speak then was that his wife was pregnant with their kid and I didn't want to cause any harm. Now I found out they had a second kid who is one. I myself moved on of course and my own kid.

However my conscience has been eating me up all these years. Should I speak up anonymously?

Honestly @OP you have asked for advice and a wide range of people have told you this is bad idea

You choose what you want to do - but really think to yourself how much harm you could be doing to a family with two young children when your evidence Is 12 weeks from 6 years ago. And only saying it when you are sure of being anonymous.

The more I think about it the more I think you have let this go. Let that family work things out for themselves. & don't interfere with them. Lead your own life and let them get on with theirs.

No, you shouldn't tell his wife six years later. I'm surprised you're even still thinking about it, to be honest.

Because I let someone walk away without consequences

Well there is an element of that as well as I don't like that I let it go without any consequences as well

But something like he did? You just can’t let it slide

It’s not unreasonable to come to the conclusion that OP is motivated by revenge, wanting the man to be punished, however you want to phrase it. It’s not just about the wife.

I think she deserves to know and make her decision from there.

Nope.

Hurting someone else won't make you feel better. Let him carry it and move on with your own life

No I didnt say that anywhere. Nice reach though 😉

Don’t you think she deserved to know 6 years ago? Don’t you think she deserved to make a decision then before having a second child. OP took that from her

Why are you communicating in such a contrived way?
If you have a point to make, make it.

Op didn’t take something from her, it was her husband that did that. She should have told the wife immediately but now is as good a time as any.

I bet guys like him are thrilled that nobody tells for fear of boat rocking, they rely on the conspiracy of others

It's not just any fling. It's someone who told me such lies also regarding health and tried to manipulate me in such a way, that if I didn't act how i did it could lead to a dangerous outcome. I dont want to go to too much detail here about this. If i said something, i wouldn't want to make this a conversation with her. I want to just give the info and that's it. I also don't care if she knows or doesn't know anything.

Although thinking about it my partner and child are much more important than him. I wouldn't want to jeopardise their lives in any way so I am leaning to not do it for that reason.

I'm going against the grain here, I'd want to know if it was my husband.

Yes she did. OP decision not to say anything took any decision away from her at the time. OP not saying anything prevented the hero from making a decision to leave him.
Yes he is to blame but OP isn’t blameless either. She could have said something. She didn’t.

You don’t know what I want to do.

I'd always want to know if it was me, and I look down on the cowards who keep cheater's secrets for them (especially when they pretend it's to protect the woman).

No.

At the time - yes

But 6 years later - don't do it

Same. Plus everyone is saying, the lady won’t be happy and you’ll ruin her marriage. Of course she won’t be happy! But it is her husband and it is very relevant to her life and marriage.

It's not your problem. You'd ruin their relationship for your own benefit, completely pointless.

I think she is blameless. If she didn’t know he was in a relationship and she ended it when she found out, she’s blameless if she chooses not to tell the woman. That’s like saying it’s a rape victims duty to report their rape to protect other women. It’s not her duty. He shouldn’t rape. He shouldn’t cheat.

No. Her husband took that from her.

You were also annoyed with him for lying about his star sign.
Are you going to mention this to his wife?

Sounds cold and heartless I always think.

The only reason for doing this is to stir up trouble. You will ruin a family. If he’s as much as an arsehole as you say, he will balls things up for himself anyway. No one needs you going on a moral crusade 8 years after it’s all died down.

If you’re happy, then just carry on as you are.

For the 100th time... I am not after any benefit

So let it go…