Should I speak to the wife 6 years later?

[Anon31483]

I 37F was with someone 39M for 3 months when I found out he was married with a kid on the way. I found out it wasn't the first time he cheated during their relationship either. He cheated also before they got married. The guy is a compulsive liar. The reason I didn't speak then was that his wife was pregnant with their kid and I didn't want to cause any harm. Now I found out they had a second kid who is one. I myself moved on of course and my own kid.

However my conscience has been eating me up all these years. Should I speak up anonymously?

No don't tell her. I usually think the opposite, but now they have two children and if she doesn't know, this could really ruin their lives.

Especially don't tell her if you're going to remain anonymous because it's much harder to believe, and when her husband denies it, she'll probably believe him.

No. If you think it’s ok to suggest a women is unhinged and needs therapy or you think it’s ok to do so… that’s not ok.

OP, I think if you take nothing else from this thread then atnleast take note of the fact the overwhelming response is to keep quiet.

No

Yes I’m perfectly serious. Should I be carted off for therapy too? Unhinged? Nah… that’s not an ok thing to say and if you think it is… in my opinion you’ve lost yourself

Don't worry there are people who just don't want to see things as they are and that's OK. I certainly don't need therapy that much I know lol.

I know you don’t. And I’m glad you know that too. X

You may have convinced yourself that you want to tell his wife for honourable reasons but please don’t expect anyone else to believe this. You obviously want to hurt him but it’s his wife and possibly his children who are going to be hurt. This is no longer any of your business. Concentrate on your own family and leave theirs alone

You think harbouring a deep anger and desire for revenge over a 12 week affair 6 years ago is healthy?

Everyone is different i think you are someone who would want to know then make up your own mind what to do with the information so on that basis id say yes offer her the same courtesy you'd want. Hope this helps you decide.

The main reason to keep quiet is that it is convenient to do so for obvious reasons which I did all this time anyway. Deep down though I always questioned if it's right and I think it really wasn't . I have to make a decision soon.

Courtesy would have been telling her 6 years ago

You have absolutly no idea what she does or doesn’t know. All sorts of things go on behind closed doors,

You say you’re happy but if you are why are you still giving any thought to someone you had a brief fling with years ago, even if you did get hurt? It isn’t normal to hold on to things for that long and as a previous poster mentioned, is unhealthy.

That’s not what this is. That’s what you think it is, and I can’t change that.

No, that would make you look SO pathetic!!

You could always think about it for another 6 years, or 12? Maybe 18?

Put it to bed and move on with your life.

Ok, say you do this and nothing happens because unbeknownst to you, they have sorted all this out between them years ago. What then? Are you going to keep contacting her saying, “No but really, he’s bad, he told LIES!”

What if he never sees any consequences?

Definitely think counselling of some sort would be beneficial here.

I'm returning to this thread because despite being told overwhelmingly NO you continue to insist it's the right thing to do.

After 6 years, you are still embarrassed and your pride damaged by the fact you were lied to and deceived. LET IT GO. shit happens, we've all believed someone's bollocks. Just get on with your life, you have a partner and children. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from telling the wife (other than your satisfaction of getting one over on him) and an awful lot to be lost. Reread the suicide post and move past your damaged pride.

You could try?

What do you think will come of this if you did tell her. Why bring yourself back into this guys life just to hurt his wife. I'd leave them well alone and keep moving forward.

She might not even believe you.

Oh we see it OP, we see it loud and clear, you just don’t want to see it. You said yourself you’ve been thinking about it for a while. No one who is truly happy with their life now would be obsessing over their three month fling from 6 years ago. You do need therapy, you just don’t want to admit it yet.

You've kept the secret for 6 years. You could have told his wife at any stage after she was pregnant. You chose not to do so . Tbh you'll just look unhinged if you do it now.

I could. But I can always tell when someone is committed to misunderstanding.

But you consider the OP to be committed to understanding?