To think that men get a ridiculously bad rap on this site?

[MsLuxLisbon]

It is really depressing to read post after post after post knocking men, saying how awful and useless they are, saying they are mostly lazy, selfish sex pests, etc. That has not only not been my experience, but it hasn't been ANY of my friends' or family's, either. The odd bad man, sure, just as my male friends have dated bad women. But not enough to justify this bizarre generalisation.

I agree. I have never personally met a man who is all or any of these things. But the overwhelming majority of women on here come up with these wild generalisations. If 99% of men are lying, cheating bastards - as MN statistics suggest, you and I must be really lucky to date the 1%.

Nobody is going to post about how incredible their husband is. Women with man issues are posting their problems, that’s not a generalised ‘all men are awful’.

Women who feel differently from you are as entitled as you are to share their experiences and opinions, surely? If women are experiencing poor behaviour from men and want to post about it, why should they not?

Try reading the Relationships board. The men being spoken about are foul. No bad rap there, this is women's first-hand experiences.

Maybe think outside you and your immediate circle’s experience, OP? I get that it hurts if you’re not used to it, but try. It will stand to you.

Lucky you that you don't know any bad men or completely useless wankers. Although with that amount of sympathy towards women who have had bad experiences I'm not sure your friends would confide in you.

I currently have a lovely partner, but my ex is an alcoholic so I've been through some terrible times. I know not all men 🙄 are bad. But I also know this a place that many women can vent their feelings and get advice. No on really needs advice on what to do when their relationship is great, which is why posts about lovely men are few and far between.

I think it is terribly sad some how women speak about men on here, making generalised criticisms of them all. If men were to be berating of their wives in a public forum like this there would be outcry. Also, the ones who thought they could change their man and are perpetually disappointed when that doesn't happen, despite years of nagging and resentment building up. Either choose a partner who is compatible in the important stuff and accept the differences or part ways but trying to change someone just isn't on.

I think there is a HUGE double standard applied to men on this site by a lot of posters. Men are never afforded the same consideration for the emotions as women. I've read posts on here from mothers who admit to screaming at their kids in fits of rage and punching chairs etc and the feedback is "oh you poor pet you must be so overwhelmed, go easy on yourself lovie" and the someone will post and say that their DP shouted at their child and it's "LTB, CHILD ABUSE"
The attitude to SAHD's is disgusting- including from their own partners.

So you’re confused why women are writing here about their real, lived experiences with abusive or selfish or useless men?

I suppose you assume there isn’t really any conflict in the world because everything is fine in your little area?

I think it's a forum used predominantly by women who use it for advice about their relationships with their partners (the vast majority of which are male). It's going to be skewed in that direction because it's venting/discussing difficult situations.

It's pretty simple, really - if you want to post about how great your life is, you go on Instagram. If you want to piss and moan about your guy...this is the place.

Not to mention the fact that there's a positive feedback loop, so the more people do it on any given site, the more others are encouraged to do so.

My own experience, being a woman who's into women, is that women are at least as bad as men, and will lie and twist and manipulate much more often. Which is why I don't really regard any of the first-hand accounts of poor husbandship on here as trustworthy and unbiased.

It doesn't reflect my experience of the men in my life. But then, I've never felt compelled to start a thread on the men in my life. Nor to Not-My-Nigel over someone else's thread.

So, this is the nature of the beast in a place like the relationships forum that is primarily a space to nut out things which are going wrong.

OMG this. Exactly! For the people who didn't get my point, this is the sort of thing I mean. I'm not talking about women posting their lived experiences, I'm talking about the feedback and advice given about those experiences.

It's great that all our lived experiences vary but I'd be very very surprised if every single one of your friends and family had never encountered a bad man or a man that has exhibited poor behaviour at some point. Perhaps the people you asked feel like they couldn't share with you for some reason, maybe because it's hard for you to imagine something different to your own happy experience, thankfully. Just because it's not your experience, doesn't mean it isn't someone else's experience, but I don't think you should be depressed by it. People have different experiences, and presumably you're on MN to read about how life is impacting on a range of people. I know it's the accepted worldview right now that the women of MN are men hating harridans, illogical - possibly hysterical, right? But there are good men and there are bad men, and in my experience the good women of MN are a tremendous source of support for the other women who need them at times of great strain and unhappiness, and I don't think you should knock them in the way you are inferring here.

For balance, there are lots of threads where people say things like how long they've been married and how happy they are or how they love their darling dads and are proud of their sons. The relationships board is going to be about problems I suppose, but elsewhere you hear positive things.

Those in happy RL where things are equal and fair, are unlikely to post on here though. This site gives help and support at a time where those not so fortunate may need it the most. Usually if you have had a good childhood, and your friendship circles are similar you will meet the "good ones" However RL can change with job worries ,children and so on.They are rarely fluid "Happy ever afters!"

Out of the hundreds of threads created daily then sure there will be a small number discussing shit behaviour from men. It's a site with a large demographic of women, so that makes sense.

I don't think men get a bad rap as it's obvious that Not All Men Are Like That but a small proportion of men are nasty, abusive, gaslighting, rapey fuckers. Much of their behaviour is tolerated by society as a whole, here it isn't.

Maybe if some men weren't such dicks their wouldn't get a bad rap

Exactly, it's called being small minded. Most of the men I know and have known are lovely. But I'm lucky. I still believe all the bad experiences, it's hard not to as real things done by men are happening all the time on here, in the news, in history, hearing about from friends etc.

That's fine, but likewise when men post or when women post about their men doing a good thing, everyone tends to jump on and give them stick.
Can't have it both ways!

How is it a generalisation when people are posting their actual lived experience of shitty men? Just because you and the people in your life appear to have amazing men doesn't mean that other people do. And how do you know what goes on in your friends' lives?

Men as a sex class are problematic. From the bottom of the ladder like not bothering to help around the house to committing the majority of sexual and violent crime they occur. Why are you shouting down women?

If you want to bang on about the amazing men that you know start a thread.

If those posters are telling the truth it's not a generalisation? Which is funny as this thread itself is a generalisation in itself.

But yes perhaps yourself and OP have been lucky not to experience the grim side of masculinity. I'm happy for you.

There are a lot of bad man in society (just over 83000 men in prison last year compared to just over 3000 woman) . If that pattern of antisocial behaviour is mirrored in the non prison population then there is a massive problem with men in this country. I am beginning to get really cross about the costs ( money wise and to society and individuals) of the behaviour of men not being spoken about more rather than individuals saying they know a few good men, oh and there are a few bad woman too. Sorry OP but I feel you want to stay in a bubble by not acknowledging the scale of the issues. Got that off my chest!

Humanity has a grim side. Not just masculinity. I know that bad things happen in the world, because PEOPLE are imperfect. Not just men.

Yes, there are loads of women here with horrible experiences and they post about them.

That’s not what the OP is talking about though; she’s talking about the generalisations about all men being rapists, cocklodgers, violent. There’re plenty of threads created with that literal title: “AIBU to say that all men are horrible”, etc.

While it’s true that a large majority of crime and violence is committed by men, it’s just as true that the large majority of men are neither criminal nor violent. It’s not “not all men are like that”; it’s “most men are not like that”.

What's with all the NAMALT posts the last few days? Men can't handle a few home truths?