To think that men get a ridiculously bad rap on this site?

[MsLuxLisbon]

It is really depressing to read post after post after post knocking men, saying how awful and useless they are, saying they are mostly lazy, selfish sex pests, etc. That has not only not been my experience, but it hasn't been ANY of my friends' or family's, either. The odd bad man, sure, just as my male friends have dated bad women. But not enough to justify this bizarre generalisation.

Yes. Exactly this

Women are not 'my sisters'.

Or the ones that constantly put 'well it's only 0.0024233433% of the male population, what's the problem'. It's not all men but it's too many men.

I don't think the OP and I were talking about people starting threads about their real life disturbing experiences with bad men. What we are talking about (I am guessing, in OP's case) is the pile on from advice-givers who immediately go to the default "99% of men are xyz". For example, a thread where boyfriend didn't text when he got to his hotel on a business trip, will inevitably have "he is lying, he went on a jolly with his mistress. Call his office/hire the PI/LTB" in the fist three post. Why? Is it not more likely that he ran out of phone juice or was too tired from an early morning flight and fell asleep?
Of course, I have also been in a relationship with someone who lied, cheated, stole, emotionally abused etc. But I don't extrapolate this individual experience to the rest of the male population. My partner is currently away for work and we spoke on a phone once in the last 5 days. But I am not pulling my hair out imagining him in bed with another woman just because he failed to text me "good morning".

To be fair, I've not encountered many men (through my own experiences, friends, family, work colleagues etc) who proactively pull their weight equally with housework and childcare without needing direction from their partner. I'm not doubting they exist but it also doesn't surprise me that quite a few threads get started about these topics.

Why do people want to be 'vaguely derogatory' towards anyone, though? What's the point? I still maintain that it is ridiculous to go on about men the way a lot of women on this site do. People have talked about me and other likeminded posters being in a bubble, but I think the real bubble is that of the embittered women who have had bad experiences and want to make other women believe that their man cheating or being abusive is inevitable. I've seen it time and again. Misery loves company.

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Could you be more patronising?

I'd like to credit all posters/lurkers with having their own mind and not suddenly believing their bloke will abuse them because another woman writes about her sexual assault.

Sometimes we have been so badly gaslit by someone that we are in denial about what had happened to us so lost for advice .., yesterday there was a heartbreaking thread about a guy who raped his girlfriend but made her believe it was no big deal. I read this and posted a reply with compassion for her situation whilst also knowing there are many good men in the world.

Misery loves company? Wow.

Wow I knew there was a big gap in the numbers but that is shocking.

I've never, ever heard anyone say this.

Can you give some examples?

Plenty of women leaders have led and directed military offensives so it would be a silly thing to say.

Women are not 'my sisters'.

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Yes, that's horribly obvious

You sound like a mens' rights activist. This is a place where women can anonymously share their experiences, including those with bad men. Do you know how many women are killed a year by their partners? If this site helps just one of those women get out, then men can sit with their hurty feelings about it.

I know you'll say you're not talking about THAT, you're talking about mean generalisations but we all know it's not ALL men. It's some men. And we will talk about them on here as much as we want. Maybe you'd be happier watching Andrew Tate on YouTube?

I guess Catza those responders are coming from their own experience.

People say it all the time on this site. Any thread about war will have someone saying it. I agree it is stupid, but people do say it.

I'm not remotely an MRA. I'm not male, and I despise MRAs.

This is utter BS- "privileged women". I've been through the ringer at the hands of a violent man and have lived through many instances of male aggression but I still don't believe that all men are the same or that all men are violent. I've been happily married to a wonderful kind and gentle man for 15 years. I would never belittle any woman's experience.
I don't think what the OP is saying is that there are no "bad" men out there, rather that the attitude towards all men on this site seems to be rather hateful.

Men are given a bad rap because of their behaviours. If they didn't do the shit, we wouldn't be talking (or 2 of us dying every week) about it. 🙄

I wouldn't waste time feeling sorry for. Men will be just fine.

However, the generalisations and double- standards on this site are huge to the point of being comical.

Posters denying the double standard always make me smile. Non so blind...

And 3...2...1...

Always the same ridiculousness on this type of threads.

I paraphrase but:

"There would be public outcry if men put down women like this/bad mouthed their wives"

Men do. There is about as much outcry against it as there is on here for the reverse. Also ignores the facf that on every single thread that a poster is complaint about a singular man there's outcry about it

"Imagine the reverse [of whatever situation a woman is complaining about a man's laziness or ineptitude] People would go nuts."

We don't need to imagine. It does happen. People don't go nuts. Again ignores the fact that on ever single thread on here about laziness and ineptitude (or whatever) there are posters "going nuts" about it being said.

"Not all men."

Yes true. But doesn't just because all men aren't like it it mean it doesn't happen and whatever it is.

I'm sure there's more. There has to be, because in every single thread that's even vaguely negative about a man (doesn't even need to be about all men) there at least one poster outrage about it.

Also, quick question, exactly how do the posts on Mumsnet affect men? What disadvantage is it causing men as a whole?

There’re plenty of threads created with that literal title: “AIBU to say that all men are horrible”, etc.

I don't see this.

(There is one thread atm with pretty much that title,but in fact the substance of OP's point was she hadn't realised the extent of poor behaviour that some women experience from men, not that she was saying all men were like that. It's now been derailed by NAMALT tribe & hairy-handed posters, and utterly objectionable men posting to say that, in fact, women are the violent abusers, not men.)

I agree that on some threads there are double standards about male & female behaviour. And as someone who endured an abusive marriage, I get irritated by posters throwing phrases like 'gaslighting' & 'control' around for minor issues, and clearly have no idea what that really looks like.

But broadly it is women sharing their experiences of abuse & problematic behaviour, and not extending it to all men. And we shouldn't have to make that point every time.

I agree that on the whole the bias on MN is anti men, but there are very few places on the internet where you can get straight, sensible, no nonsense, woman centred advice. Most parenting/mothering/relationship/marriage forums are heavily infiltrated influenced by fundamentalist Christian agendas. It’s important to have one corner of the internet that isn’t captured by patriarchy and puts the welfare of women and children first.

I’d think a bit of cranky man bashing occasionally is a small price to pay for the incredible life saving support that women in dire circumstances on the relationship board need.

I appreciate my dh all the more for MN, but I also raised my standards much higher than I would have without the perspective and advice of the intelligent clear sighted women who post here. So we nipped a lot of small stuff in the bud, and learned to communicate clearly, to see past social constructs and ultimately that has all been beneficial to both of us.

Women are not 'my sisters'.

Well, they should be. In the sense of the sisterhood as used in feminism, and if not, shame on you.

This is a site predominantly used by women.

Many women have awful experiences at the hands of men.

Those women post about it.

So we read lots of these experiences.

That's all it is. Very, very few posters claim "All men are shits."

I'm not a 'feminist'. I'm a humanist.

Also, quick question, exactly how do the posts on Mumsnet affect men? What disadvantage is it causing men as a whole?

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Apparently these posts will somehow poison our minds and make us all believe our non abusive, kind men will turn nasty.

Womens hysteria, if you will.

People say it all the time on this site. Any thread about war will have someone saying it.

Show me.

And how many threads are about war? Proportionate to the overall threads on the site.

I agree it is stupid, but people do say it.

You are full of generalisations without any meaningful evidence.

I'm not male, and I despise MRAs.

I wondered.

Because, you've got to know, you sound like one, with the vague, wilfully misunderstood & generalised comments you are making.