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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that men get a ridiculously bad rap on this site?

306 replies

MsLuxLisbon · 17/05/2024 09:13

It is really depressing to read post after post after post knocking men, saying how awful and useless they are, saying they are mostly lazy, selfish sex pests, etc. That has not only not been my experience, but it hasn't been ANY of my friends' or family's, either. The odd bad man, sure, just as my male friends have dated bad women. But not enough to justify this bizarre generalisation.

OP posts:
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RainbowZebraWarrior · 19/05/2024 14:45

5128gap · 19/05/2024 14:22

All I know is that when women are at their lowest ebb, when they've been raped, abused and violated, its other women who pick them up. And at the less extreme end of things, when they're struggling for childcare, or need support or comfort with no strings or expectations they'll repay it with intimacy, or when they need care in old age, it's women the majority find it from. Campaigning for better rights, greater safety for women..guess who?
If you want to off set that against those women who can be unpleasant or competitive towards you, or a minority who do appalling things, that's your perogative of course. But whatever term you use for it, there is great value in what women provide and offer each other. And anyone who thinks otherwise, is clearly priveleged not to have needed 'the sisterhood' in their own lives so far.

Agree whole heartedly.

It's sad that this thread was seemingly started in defence of men, but appears to have an 'all women are bitches' narrative at the core.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 19/05/2024 15:27

I'm not the PP, but as someone who agrees with her, I think of it like this: women who talk a lot about 'sisterhood' often are quite self aggrandising and performative. They say crap like 'queens fix each others' crowns and similar platitudes, and are always talking about 'lifting each other up'. IME, these women are the very first to sack off other women as soon as a man shows up, throw other women under the bus, and generally make it all about themselves.

//

Confused

Literally the first post after the one you referred to have contained a really healthy example of what many of us refer to as the sisterhood, not sure why you would bypass that?

Much cherry picking going on ..:

MotherofChaosandDestruction · 19/05/2024 16:05

MsLuxLisbon · 19/05/2024 14:38

I'm not the PP, but as someone who agrees with her, I think of it like this: women who talk a lot about 'sisterhood' often are quite self aggrandising and performative. They say crap like 'queens fix each others' crowns and similar platitudes, and are always talking about 'lifting each other up'. IME, these women are the very first to sack off other women as soon as a man shows up, throw other women under the bus, and generally make it all about themselves.

Oh dear OP, it looks like you're the one generalising now. No, I don't know any women like this at all, I don't recognise this picture that you're creating. I know women who have lifted me up when I have been at rock bottom at the hands of men, I have had support, guidance and wisdom of women to help raise my wonderful children and be my biggest cheerleaders. This is sisterhood and damn right I believe in it and practice it everyday in repaying what was given and is still given to me.

FindThatThing · 19/05/2024 16:32

BlastedPimples · 19/05/2024 14:34

@FindThatThing "Do grown-up’s actually believe in ’sisterhood’ though?

Is this an actual thing?
I ask, because I’ve only seen this online, and going by that, anyone who in real life try to push some ’sisterhood’ on me would be a red flag.

(Sorry, but women who have insist this consept have seem entitled and selfish, only thinking about themselves)"

I don't believe in the sisterhood. But could you explain why those who do are entitled and selfish? I don't see the connection?

One I’ve come across have been the type who want, or demand that other women have to pick up the slack - for example : if a woman has a useless male partner, all of sudden she remembers this ’sisterhood’ and want other women (always women, never men) to help her, for free.
While simultaneously tear other women down who might be different from her - if there’s other woman who doesn’t want/have kids, she’s shelfish, living easy life, couldn’t need help herself sometimes.

Then there’s the queen bee types who want to rule every woman.
How automatically we all have to have pretty much the same opinion, toe the line, or we have ’internalized misogyny’.

And from what I’ve seen, these women lead a very conventional life (nothing wrong with that in and off itself) but it seems to mean that it’s rest of the women job to put them on pedastal and pander to them.

5128gap also gave a great example.

These ’sisterhood’ women are only thinking what they can get from women.
And weaponize it.

And personally I don’t trust anyone who tries to push artificial familiarity.

I know this got very long already, but I just want to say that anyone who just helps and supports others is amazing.
Nothing wrong with that, obviously.
And they are very much needed.
It’s just this ’sisterhood’ that gives me heebie-jeebies, the way I’ve seen it being used.
I have nothing againts women choosing themselves to help and support other women.
But these women don’t go around demanding ’sisterhood’.

GordonBlue · 19/05/2024 19:29

RainbowZebraWarrior · 19/05/2024 14:45

Agree whole heartedly.

It's sad that this thread was seemingly started in defence of men, but appears to have an 'all women are bitches' narrative at the core.

I agree too. Especially as I get older, I look at my friends, and at my mum and all her friends - there is a specific way that women support each other on their life journeys which is incredibly precious. I would never want to be without my truest friends.

OP I'm sorry that you feel hurt and upset. If you wanted to find support you could do so here; if not I hope you find it irl.

MsLuxLisbon · 19/05/2024 20:15

GordonBlue · 19/05/2024 19:29

I agree too. Especially as I get older, I look at my friends, and at my mum and all her friends - there is a specific way that women support each other on their life journeys which is incredibly precious. I would never want to be without my truest friends.

OP I'm sorry that you feel hurt and upset. If you wanted to find support you could do so here; if not I hope you find it irl.

Thank you for your kind message. I actually feel fine, I have healed from the unkindness and abuse that has been meted out to me by women. To be clear, I have also known some lovely women, as well as lovely men. (I have also known some not-great men, but they have been nothing like as bad as the worst of the women I came across) I am lucky to have amazing friends of both genders, as well as my lovely husband.

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