To think that men get a ridiculously bad rap on this site?

[MsLuxLisbon]

It is really depressing to read post after post after post knocking men, saying how awful and useless they are, saying they are mostly lazy, selfish sex pests, etc. That has not only not been my experience, but it hasn't been ANY of my friends' or family's, either. The odd bad man, sure, just as my male friends have dated bad women. But not enough to justify this bizarre generalisation.

This is part of the problem.

The OP has commited the ultimate MN sin of disagreeing with other women on the subjrct of men; that's not allowed, so she some posters act as judge and jury and find her guilty of 'tearing other women down,'

Not naive, no. Just aware that there is good and bad in both men and women. I actually have been seriously sexually assaulted by a woman, but I wouldn't post about it on here because I know I'd be shouted down.

Recently I've noticed men on here gaslighting me or trying to shut down my opinion, it's getting more common on here. It feels wrong as this is a safe place for women

I’m so sorry for your terrible experience. but this is extremely rare. The vast vast vast majority of sexual assault cases involve a male perpetrator- as do paedophile cases, rape, murder, physical assault, abuse/coercive relationships, inequality, war….i could go on. Yes there are awful female individuals OF COURSE but if we’re answering your post about why women come to this safe space to vent about men- that is why.

I’m not encouraging anyone to go looking in the dark corners of the internet, but if women being a bit unfair towards men on mumsnet upsets your sense of justice, to the extent that you start a thread about it, then you’re extremely lucky not to recognise what a frivolous issue this is.

The OP has commited the ultimate MN sin of disagreeing with other women on the subjrct of men; that's not allowed, so she some posters act as judge and jury and find her guilty of 'tearing other women down,'

Yeah, that's what's happened 🙄

Apologies,the AT bullshit was on yet another thread about poor men.

Perhaps you could have some sympathy for the women who have experienced nothing but awful men and be glad that hadn't been your experience. Do you expect them to keep quiet about their experiences because you don't like it? Or do you think women expect too much by asking to be treated as fully human?

I can't find the post where someone said you deserve to have your husband cheat on you.

Well at least you've answered Bonnie's (Tyler) question: "Where have all the good men gone?"

Seemingly, they're all in your front room 😬

No one said that. They said they hope it never happens to her.
What was your post that managed to get itself deleted OP?

Man here (brace yourselves)...

Nah, in all seriousness, I'm actually inclined to disagree. This is a forum populated mostly by women who come looking for advice or to share their experiences. It's inevitable that a lot of those situations are going to involve men and the nature of the forum means you're going to hear about the absolute worst of mankind. That's cool. Not all men are bastards but many are and "not all men" doesn't mean much to someone who's life is potentially being ruined by one. A lot of women are going to identify with those posts and share their own, similar experiences. I don't think that makes the forum inherently biased against men. If you go to any forum where people come together in tribes/communities, whether it's women, men, LGBTQ+, vegan; you're always going to see some people speaking through bias when someone comes asking for advice or perspective.

My biggest problem comes from the fact that so many of the posts on here (and on the internet in general) lack a lot of detail with so much missing context. A lot of responses will dig deeper and try to get to get to the heart of it but there are plenty of people who are happy to take the cliff notes, filter it through that bias of "well it's a man, so..." and then come confidently in with absolute conjecture that the OP is supposed to take as the basis for potentially huge life decisions. I don't think that's always healthy. On the other hand, it goes back to my first point that this isn't unique to Mumsnet. Seeking advice online in general can expose you to helpful perspectives beyond your own real life bubble but it's a double edged sword.

I've noticed this, too. Hopefully something @MNHQ is monitoring.

If someone has experienced 'nothing but' awful men, I would gently ask them to ask themselves why that might be. There is likely something in their past that lead that to happen. What I would NOT say is that so many men are bad that the women who get good ones are somehow statistical anomalies. How is that a kind or helpful thing to say?

You mean the one side we hear from?

You mean the one side we hear from?

On a predominantly female board, correct. I'm sure there are men's boards on the internet where they post 'their side'. Maybe some of the posters on here can go and cheerlead over there?

Thanks for posting that. As when any man posts agreeing that there is a problem with male behaviour and saying he takes no offence when that is discussed on MN, I will sit and wait for the tumble weed to blow past, as all the vehement defenders of men ignore your inconvenient failure to agree with them.

yes, this is a predominently female board posted on by women with other women joining the conversation.

If you want to see the men's side - I'm sure some enterprising bloke set up Dadsnet where the male parent/partner point of view is represented.

The OP has commited the ultimate MN sin of disagreeing with other women on the subjrct of men; that's not allowed, so she some posters act as judge and jury and find her guilty of 'tearing other women down,'

//

Have you read all the OPs?

She has called us all screeching nazis

Implied that women who are badly treated should have made better decisions

Said "My favourite is when people say 'if women ran the world, there'd be peace'. Lol."

Implied women posting about bad experiences will somehow voodoo every other woman into thinking they too live with an abuser,

Responded to a poster saying MN is very helpful to women with "If you need an internet site to not 'tolerate crap' I don't know what to tell you!"

She certainly in training to tear women down.

Although I 100% agree that other women are not her sisters

Apologies feminazis

Which I believe are way worse than actual Nazis apparently

You tell em OP.

Women need to consider men more. Poor loves.

YABU!

I know and love many good men - my dad, friends, uncles, cousins, nephews, teachers… Hell, I even consider my ex a good man.

That being said, I also know some real assholes, who shouldn’t even get a second glance from another human being. These are generally the ones written about on MN, so naturally, people will call them what their behaviours evidence.
Unless you want us to deny the experiences of those who post here or suffer at the hands of awful men, because this is not our experience.

Statistics also show that most abhorrent things happening in society are perpetrated by men, so there is that too.

… and if you do hold this opinion OP you must be a man yourself 🙄

Nah, just a little bit naive.

Thank you. You speak sense. I don't want to imagine what it would be like to meet the 'all men are bad' brigade IRL. They don't sound like a good time.

Except no one has said ALL men are bad, so no such brigade exists.

Why hang around such a place anyway?