To think that men get a ridiculously bad rap on this site?

[MsLuxLisbon]

It is really depressing to read post after post after post knocking men, saying how awful and useless they are, saying they are mostly lazy, selfish sex pests, etc. That has not only not been my experience, but it hasn't been ANY of my friends' or family's, either. The odd bad man, sure, just as my male friends have dated bad women. But not enough to justify this bizarre generalisation.

Oh, and in answer to a previous question, I'm 40. I actually like men better now that I am in my forties than I did when I was in my twenties. I bought into the 'all men are crap' line, then my own experience taught me otherwise: a lot of women are crap and a lot of men are great.

Yup. Bearing in mind that rape is the most under reported crime. Estimates are that only around 20% of rapes are actually reported. Many people then don't want to go to trial due to having to re live the trauma. Actual convictions, therefore are depressingly low.

I'm retired now. When I was younger I was bullied a lot I've never been comfortable with other women. I was a bit of a recluse so didn't really have much experience of men regarding them with the same suspicion. Only met my OH through my brother. It may sound sad but its that small group of friends based around my husband and brother that still form my friendship group. I still dont really like people in general. Though these days quite a few of my daughters friends tend to see me as almost an aunty, seeking my advice though often just an ear to listen.

Again, who said all men are crap?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4306129-aibu-to-think-that-all-men-are-a-bit-shit?flipped=1

Oh the poor poor men. How difficult life is for them.

no, they don’t get a bad rap on this site. In fact, I think the posts here are quite restrained.

If you had been through a fraction of what I’ve been through with men, you would be embarrassed for making this post.

@Hateam The OP in that example you have given goes on to say she used that title for traffic and dramatic effect.

@Hateam and that the do
Inane prevailing view on MN, is it?

Gosh. So aggressive.

And goady.

If I made a post based on what I have been through with some women, I would probably not be allowed to post it. I would be told that my abuse at the hands of a woman was a statistical anomaly so not worth posting about. Never mind NAMALT, I would be told 'almost no women are like that'. So I will post what I fucking well like and YOU should be embarrassed trying to censor what I post!

Why not try though? Rather than prioritising men and their feelings. That won't make your experiences ,possible trauma and feelings any better. Prioritise yourself, and you might actually find some sympathy and solidarity. Rather than fighting and arguing on the behalf of random men that neither care or are aware of how MN feels about them or that you're defending them.

Are you really calling the many, many posts with women's personal experience of abusive or just generally shit men, and the reference to factual statistics about inequality in domestic and caring load, plus referring to stats about sexual offending rates in men 'a bizarre generalisation'? What's bizarre about it?

Nobody ever says that all men are like that, so why the need for these NAMALT threads?

If I made a post based on what I have been through with some women, I would probably not be allowed to post it.

Of course you would.

"Why not try though? Rather than prioritising men and their feelings. That won't make your experiences ,possible trauma and feelings any better. Prioritise yourself, and you might actually find some sympathy and solidarity. Rather than fighting and arguing on the behalf of random men that neither care or are aware of how MN feels about them or that you're defending them."

This 💯%. Championing random men on Mumsnet. And then getting aggressive when challenged.

No, no one would say that, you are projecting. There are posts on here which detail abuse from mothers or friends and no one tells them that they are a statistical anomaly at all.

Women have been beaten, tortured and abused by men and are sharing their stories, who are you to tell them their stories are not valid and the poor menfolk. I know plenty of men who abuse or enable the abuse so my experience is very different to yours, that's life. You know plenty of men who are great - good for you.

To be honest, I don't particularly care if men get bashing on here - I could quite easily slide into misandry if it wasn't for my son who is lovely. And I couldn't care less, perhaps if most men I know/hear about met all the wonderful men you know they would stop being shit.

OP: Starts thread bitching about what other people post on MN

and later whilst getting their arse handed to them:

OP: I will post what I fucking well like and YOU should be embarrassed trying to censor what I post

😂jfc

OP it sounds like you've been abused and let down by the woman in your life and many people receive support when they share these experiences on here. That's not the same as minimising the impact of men's nehaviour on woman, they are two different things. Perhaps post a thread about the thing you really want/need to talk about.

I think I didn't realise how awful my relationship is until I posted on here. I just bumbled along thinking lots of people are in a similar set up to me, so it was very helpful hearing from women who have decent, kind and helpful partners & realising this isn't normal. Happy people aren't generally on forums looking for advice so there is less representation for decent men.

Do grown-up’s actually believe in ’sisterhood’ though?

Is this an actual thing?
I ask, because I’ve only seen this online, and going by that, anyone who in real life try to push some ’sisterhood’ on me would be a red flag.

(Sorry, but women who have insist this consept have seem entitled and selfish, only thinking about themselves)

All I know is that when women are at their lowest ebb, when they've been raped, abused and violated, its other women who pick them up. And at the less extreme end of things, when they're struggling for childcare, or need support or comfort with no strings or expectations they'll repay it with intimacy, or when they need care in old age, it's women the majority find it from. Campaigning for better rights, greater safety for women..guess who?
If you want to off set that against those women who can be unpleasant or competitive towards you, or a minority who do appalling things, that's your perogative of course. But whatever term you use for it, there is great value in what women provide and offer each other. And anyone who thinks otherwise, is clearly priveleged not to have needed 'the sisterhood' in their own lives so far.

Agreed.

@FindThatThing "Do grown-up’s actually believe in ’sisterhood’ though?

Is this an actual thing?
I ask, because I’ve only seen this online, and going by that, anyone who in real life try to push some ’sisterhood’ on me would be a red flag.

(Sorry, but women who have insist this consept have seem entitled and selfish, only thinking about themselves)"

I don't believe in the sisterhood. But could you explain why those who do are entitled and selfish? I don't see the connection?

I'm not the PP, but as someone who agrees with her, I think of it like this: women who talk a lot about 'sisterhood' often are quite self aggrandising and performative. They say crap like 'queens fix each others' crowns and similar platitudes, and are always talking about 'lifting each other up'. IME, these women are the very first to sack off other women as soon as a man shows up, throw other women under the bus, and generally make it all about themselves.

They are framing it in a very superficial simplistic way, as the imposing of obligations on women by other women - 'don't steal my man' kind of thing. They are overlooking the women who see it as something they offer other women, not merely take from them. Which is actually quite telling about their own characters.