Is he paying enough?

[Havett]

Ex earns over double what I earn. He’s on 85k.

Cms calculates this as 860 a month. He pays 1,000. Nursery is 1,200.

I feel like he should pay more given his high salary. I know legally cms says 860 and he’s already paying more. But he does zero for dd. Literally nothing. Would you ask for more given he’s earning so much

That’s a really shitty comparison and neither deserves judgment. Many women are carrying the load and not getting a break - it’s hard whatever the set up.

really hope he doesn’t have any more children because you will be getting a lot less than the £1000 you’re not happy with.

I know someone that got £5 a week CM.
You are very lucky but if you keep asking for more you may end up with less.
Happened to my sister enough was never enough so he paid a lot less through cm.
I also know a man that stopped paying his ex and started saving in an account for his child she went from 800 a month to £35 a week cm she was not happy.
The money she was getting was not all going on his child she was spending it on her self.
But his son will have a lovely gift when hes 18.
He also pays for clubs etc direct to the clubs so money is handed over.

Don't do that. Clearly the ex started the claim to try and get the additional money from the fabricated income.

Sorry you feel hard done by but don't take it out on others.

Hopefully the son will have the emotional intelligence to realise that gift comes from both his parents as we all know you can’t feed, house, clothe and educate a child on £70 a week.

Hopefully the gift will also be lovely enough to make up for all the fun extras he missed out on during an unnecessarily frugal childhood.

I don’t think this petty bullshit helps the child at all and I’m surprised another woman would be so supportive of this behaviour.

I’m not judging either. I’m judging the hypocrisy.

I know its hard raising kids but i cant help think you just want money sorry op i have to be honest.
A grand a month and still want more co-mon.
I read up thread that you said the cost of furniture as well you need to pay for that.
Its like you want him to pay for the whole upbringing so you can bank your money live in luxury with his it dont work like that.

How much have you calculated your child costs you a month, and how much do you think he should pay?
I think £1000 a month is very generous. It's far higher than most single mothers will be getting. We all have to live within our means. Yes you are doing 100% of the practical work of bringing up a child, but expecting him to contribute 100% of the financial cost is just a non runner.

You can't force him to be a part of your child's life.

You earn a reasonable wage yourself, topped up by £1000 a month. Probably coming out with close to the same take home pay as he is. Are you struggling financially? Do you need the extra money, or do you just want it?

You would need to have a very strong case for asking for more, because as others say you could actually end up with less.

Do people just have kids for money fuck me it sounds it.
No matter what thread it is its never enough money cant anyone love their children instead if seeing money signs.
I tell you whats gonna happen op your gonna push for more he will get fed up and you will get less.

I dont support anyone i just hear about it.

No..he is not paying enough- you might not get more, but I'd want more too.- my DD deserves more . And needs a mum that gets a break more. . I give up when people say 'oooh he is a prince. He is paying more than legal minimum '. Pah. Low expectations.

Your take home is 3k. His is 5k. When he hands over £1k- both households have 4k. But 1 household is a single adult household- adult that can work 12 hour days and progress their career, do tonnes of evening networking events, travel to conferences at the drop of a hat, has a fat pension based on his base salary ...and 1 household is a single parent family- IE covers 2 people- one a young child who costs £1200 in nursery fees alone, who can be thought of as a full time, all consuming role in itself...one adult doing a full time parenting role and a full time working role

He has opted out of any care for DD. So, coughing up 1k is all he does every month.

OP does everything else. And yes, he should pay more to her.

Its not a race to the bottom. Have higher expectations.

Like all single parents then but with a good amount of maintenance thrown in

@Havett You seem to think life should be fair and equal to all. It's not. Wishing it was isn't going to make it so. There are plenty of single parents left to do everything with zero help, financial or practical, from their ex.
You are getting £1000 a month. You want more. Do you need more, or do you just want more because you're doing everything else?

It's ok to be annoyed and pissed off that you're shouldering the full responsibility. But think about your cash flow. We'd all like more money - but are you struggling financially? If you ask for more you risk upsetting a working situation. And you risk him dropping back to his CMS ordered amount.

You haven't answered how old your child is. If she's very young, maybe he doesn't feel capable of taking her, when she gets older and more independent he might feel more comfortable with her. Again I'm not saying that's a fair situation but not everything in life is fair.

You've asked is he paying enough? I'd say yes. Would you like more? Of course. Do you need more? If so put your application in with evidence. If you don't, I'd advise saying nothing and be glad that you are getting more than you need.

We should be raising the bar so all men contribute properly, not sniping at women who receive “good maintenance”. Maybe she - and others - should be receiving excellent maintenance!

These threads bring out the worst. Men get away with the bare minimum and society just shrugs.

It's not a race to the bottom. I'm a single parent with no help from my ex and I certainly don't get £800 a month but I'm not bitter at those who do, nor do I think them "lucky" as it should be the norm and expected.

What on earth are you on about. ? How's that " sniping" at women who get good maintenance?

All single parents who work full time and look after kids without the other parent being involved are in the same situation with having to do everything themselves

It was general comment as OP has been sniped at a lot by others on this thread.
Not all single parents are in the same situation - some kids see their dad 50-50, some see their dad once a week and some get no help. Same with money. You cannot compare 2 situations really.

So childcare after help is £700 a month. Hos half would be £350. He is paying £650 extra. Are you saying that all the extra costs for your daughter comes to £1300 a month?

Even if his share should be more than half based on the difference in income, it sounds like he is paying more than a good share of all the costs AFTER the benefits you receive, which you conveniently forgot to mention initially.

This thread is insane I get £7 a week for my children, I can't imagine getting a thousand pounds a month for one child I would be extremely happy with that! And no he doesn't see my children either. Most men who refuse to have contact with their children also refuse to pay for them and do whatever they can to get out of it so it could be a lot worse at least he is paying.

Yes he's a shit, but pursuing this could end up with you making do with less. He's paying more than CMS, he has more than met his legal requirements as DC parent. In terms of outcomes it doesn't matter how much more he earns or if he's getting away with not being a father to the child he helped to bring into the world, because legally you don't have a leg to stand on. I wouldn't risk rocking the boat and ending up with less.

Again, it's not a race to the bottom. What you're getting is irrelevant. "At least he is paying" is a ridiculous comment, scraping the bottom of the barrel for expectations of men!

It's not ridiculous op asked if he is paying enough and the answer is yes, more than enough.

I wouldn't call it "more than enough" based on his salary, but I think it's OK. Bottom line is though people need to stop with the "I only get peanuts" comments, just because your ex is even worse than OP's doesn't mean she should just put up and shut up. We NEED to keep calling this out, men earning well should be expected to pay well.

And he pays her extremely well.

Bottom line is he is paying above what he needs to, op needs a reality check so yes I will mention that I only get £7 a week for mine and it hasn't been paid since November! She needs a reality check she's way better off that most single mums.