Is he paying enough?

[Havett]

Ex earns over double what I earn. He’s on 85k.

Cms calculates this as 860 a month. He pays 1,000. Nursery is 1,200.

I feel like he should pay more given his high salary. I know legally cms says 860 and he’s already paying more. But he does zero for dd. Literally nothing. Would you ask for more given he’s earning so much

How did he get away with paying only 85p if he was working full time?

You earn £46k? £85 k is not "over double what you earn"

46 x 2 = 92

I disagree. If she has gone through CMS and they have an arrangement he has to pay, if he doesn’t they will chase him for the money and add any arrears. Failing that they will take the money from his wages. He can’t get away with not paying unless he literally gave up his job

@crumbpet i do feel like that as I do all childcare outside of nursery while he does zero and can further his career etc

The mental gymnastics to push a point 😂 believe what you like.

It’s not mental gymnastics. I’m reading you words.

I’d give up defending yourself. You don’t need to and that won’t be acknowledged by everyone.

Oh come on don't be ridiculous. You wanted your child presumably? I understand expecting some contribution but you're expecting him to fund your whole child!

@StormingNorman if all you were doing was reading you wouldn’t have used the phrases “sounds like” or “It’s another way of saying” you’re interpreting what I’ve said based on your own assumptions and narrative.

I can understand your frustration OP. Can’t be nice being 100% solo, irrespective of the money. I don’t think any amount would make up for that though.

@Whatsmyusername1235 CMS are absolutely useless. I'm going through the process myself. What exactly do you disagree with? If someone goes self employed CMS can't do a single thing. OP has a private arrangement so he can't be all bad can he? Because he's paying more than some mothers earn in 1 single month. If the father wanted to be a D* he could go through CMS himself.

I sympthatise as a single mum but because OP is getting a pretty decent amount I'm struggling to see how it would be wise to ask for more money.

I don’t have any experience with them personally but know someone who does and they have to pay otherwise they would get the money directly from the fathers wages.
That is what I was disagreeing with as someone said he can choose to pay nothing but that is not the case.
I don’t have a clue how it works if you are self employed.

In terms of paying the OP he isn’t bad at all. £1000 a month is more than enough but she is coming across like she is trying to bleed every penny out of him.
She also earns 46k herself so isn’t struggling on minimum wage.

How old is your child?

I earn 10k less than him and take home £4200. He probs let has about £2500 left after mortgage and CMS, say £1000 for bills/car.

@Whatsmyusername1235 you seem to have got the wrong end of the stick. I am fully aware that OP is getting more than most mums in CMS. I agree with you... she's definitely pushing her luck!

There's some truly bonkers mental gymnastics on this thread.

Looking after your own child is not childcare and nor should it have a financial cost attributed to it.

Money is used for whatever the person holding the money chooses to use it for so it's ridiculous to say the dad isn't even paying the childcare and OP is paying for everything else. No, dad is transferring OP £1000 per month and she is using it as she sees fit along with the rest of her money.

The current average cost of raising a child from birth to 18, for a lone parent, is £220,000. Based on £1000 per month, he is covering his full share of that and almost your full share of that (£18 a month left over, easily covered by child benefit, if you're claiming any).
Your costs are higher at the moment because your child is at a high cost stage of her life. However, unless you'd also be looking to lower his contributions when she becomes less expensive (starts at school, etc.) then you are unreasonable to ask him to raise them now.

This is interesting because he chooses to have no involvement at all. The OP isn't expecting him to pay for everything, just nursery so don't know why posters are saying she wants to bleed him dry.
Bearing in mind she does absolutely everything child related I don't think the idea is too out there.
So, he obviously has a teeny tiny bit of conscience if he increased it a little to cover more of the nursery fees, could you appeal to this @Havett ? Perhaps lay it out for him and see what he thinks? In a non confrontational way obviously, as not to upset the little petal. The worst he could say is no. If he does say no, play it smart and thank him for considering it anyway or else he might well drop it back down to CMS minimum. Should you have to pussyfoot around it? No. But realistically, you probably should.
Good luck.

My point was it’s quite telling that OP has started a thread whingeing that she only gets £1000 a month from her ex and seems to think she should get more - even though he’s actually paying above CMS!

I would have thought the bigger concern here is that her DC is growing up without contact with their Dad and how that is going to effect her life, not seeing how much extra money she can get out of him.

Of course she can’t make him see his child but that doesn’t seem to be OPs main concern here hence the thread being about money….no amount of money is going to make up for not having a Dad and it comes across grabby.

Oh misunderstanding then, we both agree

Assuming you’re not entitled to UC, you should still have £4000 a month coming in with CM & child benefit. This is about £200 more than your ex is left with, although he obviously has no further costs to pay out for your child. Are you not getting any help with childcare? No tax-free childcare, no free hours, etc?

I think the being annoyed that you do everything is a separate issue. My dd’s dad lives abroad, earns over double what your ex does and pays a similar amount to what you get and I’m happy with it - it pays a fair share of her costs.

😂 this whole thread is literally about the OP wanting more money from him. She’s already said he pays more than he needs to and it’s still not enough.

Yeah I know. Where did I write that she wasn't wanting more money? My reply was all about her asking for more money 🙄

@PixieLaLar

Firstly, it’s ‘affect’ not ‘effect.’

Secondly, I have tried every way possible to encourage him to have a relationship with his child. He refuses.

I agree the money is a lesser concern, but it’s still a concern and he’s taking the piss to expect me to cover all of his parenting time at no expense to him. As are all deadbeats.

Dare I ask - was the father involved in the planning of your child?