Is he paying enough?

[Havett]

Ex earns over double what I earn. He’s on 85k.

Cms calculates this as 860 a month. He pays 1,000. Nursery is 1,200.

I feel like he should pay more given his high salary. I know legally cms says 860 and he’s already paying more. But he does zero for dd. Literally nothing. Would you ask for more given he’s earning so much

So if he has no contact I'm going to guess he didn't want DD.

You chose to continue the pregnancy and he already contributes more than he is legally required to (which in my eyes should be nothing if he said no before 24weeks).

If it was my son I would advise him to pay the legal minimum to you and put the other £330 into an account in DD name for when she turns 18 and offer for her to come live with him away from you as it doesn't sound like you would be someone he could co parent with.

@sleepyscientist he wanted our child. Well, at the time, anyway.

He will never ask our child to live with him. His behaviour to date has demonstrated that. And I also doubt he’s saving anything at all for anything that doesn’t benefit him.

How many of you replying on this thread actually wanted to say this but didn't have the balls? I mean I don't blame you because anyone who actually thinks like this is incredibly stupid but I respect the fact that sleepyscientist didn't beat around the bush.

@Eggplant44 you can ask what you like, it’s a public forum. Yes, we planned to conceive together and he was very excited at the beginning.

@Iaskedyouthrice i know… I think @sleepyscientist may also be a deadbeat ;)

He expects her to solely parent their whole child!

If he didn’t want a child, he had options. It’s too late once he’s ejaculated. The choice happens before then. Plenty of men make it through life without accidentally impregnating women by making sensible decisions.

I think too many people excuse men who want nothing to do with their children. My nephew is 19, his ex fell pregnant because HE chose not to wear a condom and he's bloody stepped up and is an awesome dad. I can't imagine his mother or father advising him like sleepyscientist would. He was told to get a grip and crack on.
Unfortunately, too many people around these types of men are all too happy to pander to them and go along with the notion that the ex is just after his money.
Nothing is expected of them really and they are hero's if they pay.

Fuck my life! What have I just read?!?

Tbf why should he pay childcare?

This

@JustSaltPlease well he’s expecting me to do 100% of care, so instead of doing his bit practically he could pay for childcare instead? Or should the woman just crack on with zero break?

Nursery cost: £1200 x 12 = £14,400 pa

Maintenance: £1000 x 12 = £12,000 pa

Tax Free Childcare: £500 x 4 = £2000 pa

Amount left: £400 pa or £33.34 pm

If that’s how you feel OP, just ask him for the £33.43 extra per month.

If he didn't want a child maybe he should have worn a condom then, or does your infantalisation of men mean you think they should not be expected to be responsible for contraception?

Also, why the hell would a child want to go and live with a parent who didn't want anything to do with them while they were growing up? Are you dense?

@QueenOfTheLabyrinth its not just childcare it’s the overall cost, clothes, furniture etc etc

Her wanting him to contribute towards the fixed parenting costs equates to her not caring if DC has a relationship with their dad?
How are those two things related?

When he chose to have sex without using protection, yes he was.

Clearly 'its hard' means she means her work hours are restricted by childcare timings, she does all the parent work like cooking, shopping, laundry, entertaining LO and ex is not restricted in this way. It is therefore harder for her than him to increase her income, because she can't be available for long, unpredictable hours etc.

Be happy with the £1000
You could end up with much less.

If you're on 46k, he's taking home £1k/month more than you (assuming a modest 5% pension), nowhere near double. He's paying his half of nursery costs and £400 on top of that, which is more than enough for a small child. I don't understand on what grounds you expect him to pay more.

I love how you have made most of that up in your head and ran with it as if it's a fact lol.

He already does contribute. More than he needs to, but OP has started a thread about how she wants extra money that she isn’t entitled to.

They are related because OP thinks she should get more money because her ex doesn’t see their child. I think it’s a very sad way of thinking personally and doesn’t actually help the child.

You’re right. The focus is entirely wrong.

Giving OP the benefit of the doubt, I think she’s latched onto the CM as she feels powerless where contact is concerned.

It’s awful though, as the child deserves a father as much as he/she deserves his financial support. It’s piss poor behaviour just throwing money at the’issue’ .

Sorry that doesn't make any sense.
She is asking a question about money... therefore she doesn't care if DC has a relationship with her dad...
The two things are not linked.

Entitled is an interesting word anyway, the ex pays a fixed amount of maintenance regardless of what that does or does not cover, and that's his duties as a parent discharged.

OP has to cover outgoings on everything her child needs, nobody is capping that contribution for her, she has to find the money when prices rise etc.

She is not in any way stopping the x from having a good relationship with his child, he's doing that all by himself.

Thank you for understanding my point and yes you are probably right there.

I feel sad for the DC to be honest.