Is he paying enough?

[Havett]

Ex earns over double what I earn. He’s on 85k.

Cms calculates this as 860 a month. He pays 1,000. Nursery is 1,200.

I feel like he should pay more given his high salary. I know legally cms says 860 and he’s already paying more. But he does zero for dd. Literally nothing. Would you ask for more given he’s earning so much

You can ask. He can say no and stick to what he’s paying, say no and drop it to CMS figure, or he might agree. How much more do you want?

YABVU
Sounds like you’re more bothered about how much extra money you can get out of him rather than DD having more time and a better relationship with her Dad.

WTF. The piece of shit doesn’t bother seeing his kid, how is OP supposed to force him? Least he can do is pay more than the 20% of his £5k a month salary while the DD who he does fuck all for is at nursery. What a joke!

So how are you looking after her full time AND paying £1200 nursery fees? So he pays £1000 which is his half. So if your half is also £1k that's £800 after nursery fees per month . Surely that's enough for child expenses?

Half fees is £600 so then plus £400 a month living costs. I think it's reasonable amount

@Mockingjay123 i have tried. Many, many, many times. He is the lowest of the low unfortunately.

I've just tried searching this but couldn't find anything, as my ex hides assets

That's a lot of money! More than most people get. I would just think yourself lucky tbh

@Ilovecakey its not lucky for your child’s dad to pay towards you child.

Assuming he pays into his pension (at 10% is what I’ve calculated) his take home is around £4.5k.

£1k maintainence
1.5k mortgage
he’s left with £2k which isn’t a fortune. Assume he drives a nice car on that salary? £500, he probably doesn’t have loads of disposable income after bills.

£840 CMS doesn’t sound right on that salary either. I’ve just ran it on the calculator and it’s £739pcm on £85k (no pension) if you allow for 10% pension so £76,500 income is £675.00 pcm.

I don't agree with this OP. I say that as a single mum also. Are you actually struggling OP? He pays you £1000 so he really can't be that unreasonable because if he didn't want to pay there's NOTHING you could do. I say this as my ex is faffing around with money lately and has gone from a higher earning to paying £0.... just to give you a reality check. In the grand scheme of things I would usually say its not a race to the bottom but YABVU!!

Where did you read this? I've found CMS utterly useless tbh! They don't enforce a single thing!

Often easier said than done!

My husbands had the opposite problem. They fabricated £40k of extra income PA on his exes word and then demanded he pay arrears. He sent all the bloody evidence of income and 5 months later a case worker admitted they had received it but not “added it to a worklist” the whole place is dysfunctional. It’s awful.

@ZestofCoffee

why has your husband’s ex been forced to go through cms in the first place?

I despair. Hope he doesn’t end up doing dirty on you too.

She said she wanted more money, he warned her the CMS calculation was less and lo and behold it was £400 pcm LESS than he was giving her.

A bit like the OP - some people chance their arm. She was convinced DH had more income than he did, hence fabricating it to CMS. She should have kept quiet.

Also who said he did the dirty? They were separated 8 years and divorced 5 years when we met. I wasn’t the OW. Not that I should have to justify myself or defend myself to you.

@ZestofCoffee its pretty low to make a woman go through cms to receive money towards the upbringing of a child. Which is what your post suggested.

I didn’t suggest that at all, I was merely commenting on the incompetence of CMS.

Im not clear, why, having established that wasn’t the case you’re still taking a tone with me like I am guilty of depriving women of CMS somehow??

Ah yes we had that.. the I'M GOING TO CMS. Submitted all the paperwork asked for. All completely above board no sneaky tactics. And lo and behold they said she would get less! And he could apply for a deduction in milage if he wanted!

As it is he just pays their initially agreed amount adjusted in accordance to his salary.

I know that I'm not stupid. But she clearly thinks she needs more to support her child so she could try.

I imagine that PP meant lucky in the sense that your ex is a high earner so can pay a large amount. I would say you are fortunate that he is paying above CMS but apparently that’s not good enough for you…You haven’t said you actually need the money just that you feel like you should get more even though you aren’t entitled to it. Comes across grabby tbh.

Funny thing is when DH said she’d get less she said “that’s ok - I don’t want to owe you anything and I want it all to be fair so I’ll let CMS calculate” and then when it was less I dared him to ask her for what she was “owed”

Disclaimer - he didn’t it was just a conversation between us as a married couple.

Is nursery £1200 after the £500 you get quarterly (tax free childcare) as per your other thread? Or before?

@QueenOfTheLabyrinth It’s before tfc account pays in

You’re coming across really grabby! Money might be tight you don’t know his financial ins and outs, he won’t just have the above 2.5k and the rest free money, what about his bills food etc? He pays you £1,000, then you then pay £200 towards nursery and the food costs etc fall to you, that’s sounds fair as you both need to be contributing to the child’s nursery and food etc