FIL 'took' Our car!

[LostMyCar]

Evening all,

I'll start by saying that I've NC as I don't want this linked with my previous posts. This is a long one so I do apologise in advance...

Dh and I live abroad and will be visiting the UK for a couple of months next month. We've been looking for a cheap car to use for the month with the intention of reselling when we leave.

FIL has been kind enough to help with the search and the other night found a good deal. He went to view the car and arranged to buy it the next day. FIL had 1k of our money (from selling a car last year) and we transferred the remaining balance of the car over. We're excited that we've got a good deal and BIL mentions that he might want to buy the car off us when we leave. Great!

The next day DH gets a message from FIL to say that he and BIL are on the way to collect the car. All good. Then BIL sends a message to the group chat saying he's going to need to borrow our car whilst his car is getting an MOT. He doesn't ask, he assumes.

Bit of backstory - BIL (by Dh's own admission) is an immature man child who is often reckless and verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He can't hold down a job and FIL is constantly bailing him out of messy situations. FIL is definitely his enabler.
DH says no I'm really sorry but I don't want you using my car. I'm not buying it for someone else to use. FIL gets angry at this as asks why BIL is good enough to pick the car up then? DH says he thought FIL would be driving our car and BIL would drive FIL's car back. Had he have known this wasn't the case, we could have asked someone else to collect the car.

Anyway, it's all blown into a huge argument. FIL phoned DH and did nothing but shout and scream. How can he not trust his brother? He's trying to get his life together! DH reiterated that he didn't want to upset BIL but he doesn't want him having access to our car. It ended with FIL telling DH to go fuck himself and to get someone to come and collect our car off his drive way that night. Whilst all this is going on, BIL sends a message to DH saying our car drives like a dream to further antagonise the situation.

I phone my parents and ask them (1.5 hour round trip) if they would mind collecting the car from FIL and driving it to MIL's house as she has space in her garage for it. My parents kindly agreed to do so. DH messages FIL to say that my parents will collect the car from him when he's ready. A few minutes later, FIL messages DH and says that the car isn't ours, it's his. He's keeping it and then he transferred our money back to us. So now we have no car.

We suspect FIL will end up giving BIL the car. We now also suspect that BIL was probably always going to use our car instead of his own (on its way out) secretly before we return to the UK.

AIBU to think FIL and BIL have both acted like twats? DH is really upset that his father has treated him this way and I'm furious at the way FIL has spoken to DH. I'm sure in time, DH will forgive them both which is fine but AIBU to want nothing more to do with them?

Thank you if you've made it this far 🙏

I'm sorry but why were you so anti BIL driving the car? Is he a dangerous driver? I mean he can be feckless and lazy but why does it matter that he borrows the car (especially if he was going to potentially buy it anyway at the end).
FIL seems to have done a lot for you guys here and I am not sure I quite understand why everyone got so angry so quickly over this.
Frankly all of you are unreasonable ! I think you/DG overreacted to BIL and FIL and then FIL overreacted to you!

Wouldn't it be cheaper and easier to hire a car for a month?

I personally wouldn't visit them on your trip home - toxic arseholes!

I would have let him use it for a few hours while his MOT was done. Thats would have been fair.
But what happened after is ridiculous.

This is you not them.

Why couldn’t your BiL use the car?

It sounds like your DH was being difficult for no reason. He was happy to take the favour from his family but isn’t happy to give one. Of course his Dad and brother were annoyed with him.

It's only a second hand car, wouldn't letting BIL use it for a day or two have been much easier than all this conflict & drama?

You are ridiculous . Who ‘buys’ a car to use for a month in another country with all the added rigmarole of insuring it , taxing it etc and then having apparently done this ridiculous thing your husband throws all his toys out of the pram about his brother driving this cheap runaround car .

This.

they did you a massive favour getting the car. Why couldn’t bil use it while his MOT was being done?

total overreaction.

anyway you’ve got your money back so no loss.

you don’t appreciate them finding you the car so find another one without them.

So BIL and FIL did you a favour by collecting the car and storing it on FIL’s driveway, but you couldn’t do BIL a favour and let him borrow it whilst his was getting an MOT?!

Buying a cat for a month sounds like madness, after you've taxed and insured it wouldn't it be cheaper and waaaaay less hassle to hire one?

I get why you don't want bil using the car. It's your car and bil didn't ask. It's jist a repeated pattern. The reason it is so inflammatory for your husband is because he has faced this all his life. Bil being entitled and dad enabling it.

Stand by your husband.

(The worst bit is your husband will forgive. Doesn't mean you need to forget.)

Based on what’s been posted, it seems very mean to have not allowed BIL to use the car when he was helping to collect it (regardless of who would be driving which car home). Pending any relevant drip feed, you and your husband sound entitled and unreasonable.

What would have been the actual problem of BIL using the car (providing of course it didn't affect your usage once you arrived)?
Alternatively, why not just hire a car? By the time you've paid out for insurance on your own, it probably would have worked out about the same financially.
Don't honestly think it's just FIL and BIL that have been twats unless there's more to this than has been said so far.

What's the backstory here?

You overreacted. Your ILs did you a massive favour. Sourced a car, done the deal and were then going to store it for you and resell it when you've gone, and you couldn't even allow BIL to borrow the car for a couple of days. When you're not even in the country.
I love driving a new/different car. It's a novelty.
Hire a car like everyone else does. Ridiculous idea to buy/sell - expect someone else to buy/sell for you just so you don't have to pay for a hire car. I expect you expected to get pretty much the full price back for it - and then complain about them.
Wow! Your BIL might be a bit of a waster and your FIL might enable him, but that doesn't automatically make them wrong in every situation.
You were wrong here.

Your BIL was rude to assume you'd be ok with him driving the car.

But I'm baffled why your DH was so vehemently against it. What harm could it have done?

FIL did you a favour. This unnecessary row has tainted your visit home which you were probably all looking forward to. What a shame.

Meanwhile, is the car taxed, mot'd and insured? Was it insured for FIL, BIL and your parents to drive?

I wouldn’t let my bil use my car due to his dangerous and idiotic driving! There’s many people I’d let use my car and have done multiple times before.

At the end of the day it’s not their car, it’s yours. At no point in the agreement did you mention anyone having access to the car.

What if bil crashed the car? Or someone crashed into the car when it’s out and about? That’s a nightmare in itself without being carless until the claim is sorted!

In my opinion, yanu

If my car was sat not being used and my brother asked to borrow it while his car was in the garage I'd say yes of course, it seems like your DH has blown up a huge situation out of nothing. FIL has done you a big favour finding this car, going to collect it and even BIL, going along to either drive your car or FILs home, surely they are willing enough to do you favours, why is it such a hardship for BIL to drive a car you're not even using for a day or two while his is repaired?
Waiting for the drip feed that he's been banned twice and has a conviction for death by dangerous driving, whilst remaining an alcoholic to this day

As long as he was insured and you didn't suspect he was going to be drunk driving or something I don't really see the issue?

Very much sounds like you were happy for him to help out picking it up and for your ILs to "house" the car for a while but we're petty enough to not do them any favours 🤷🏼‍♀️

Surely you could’ve agreed a suitable time for him to use the car while his was in for mot, it might’ve only been a day.

Their reaction was unacceptable but there was no need to be so awkward in the first place.

We suspect FIL will end up giving BIL the car. We now also suspect that BIL was probably always going to use our car instead of his own (on its way out) secretly before we return to the UK.

You're just guessing all of this to make yourselves sound better though, you don’t know any of this.

They haven’t bought a car for a “month”. Jesus, reading comprehension has gone out of the window with these comments!

OP said they’re coming over for a COUPLE of months, in a month’s time.

DH says he thought FIL would be driving our car and BIL would drive FIL's car back.
I think it’s fair to say this was a stupid assumption for DH to make. Why wouldn’t FIL drive his own car?

And it’s extremely cheeky (to use a kind word) of DH to be okay with FIL’s car being driven by BIL, for the purpose of FIL and BIL facilitating this favour for DH, but it’s unacceptable for BIL to drive the newly-purchased car.

Yes, BIL should have asked and not told re using the car while his was having the MOT. Maybe that rudeness set DH off but, ultimately, DH acted like a bit of a brat here and I can understand FIL being upset given the time and effort he expended.

the pair of you sound so entitled. your fil and bil have found and picked up a car on your behalf, all you've had to do is transfer over the money and the car is there waiting for you on the drive. yet you won't let your BIL use it for a few hours. I don't blame FIL for telling you to go fk yourself and keeping the car, I would have done the same

Do you think your BIL will be irresponsible with the car? Or is it the fact FIL can't seem to say no to him?

As annoying as this is - hire a car, it will be simpler all round. Now you have the money transferred, ask YOUR parents to arrange a car if you need to buy one.

No massive drip feed here. FIL offered to help and would have been offended if we had refused/someone else did it. We never wanted BIL involved, he was already with FIL on the way to the car.

I don't think just because someone helps you, you can no longer refuse them a favour if it's something you're uncomfortable with. DH didn't deserve to be screamed and sworn at just because he didn't want someone else using his car.

It's not cheaper to rent, we've looked into it.