FIL 'took' Our car!

[LostMyCar]

Evening all,

I'll start by saying that I've NC as I don't want this linked with my previous posts. This is a long one so I do apologise in advance...

Dh and I live abroad and will be visiting the UK for a couple of months next month. We've been looking for a cheap car to use for the month with the intention of reselling when we leave.

FIL has been kind enough to help with the search and the other night found a good deal. He went to view the car and arranged to buy it the next day. FIL had 1k of our money (from selling a car last year) and we transferred the remaining balance of the car over. We're excited that we've got a good deal and BIL mentions that he might want to buy the car off us when we leave. Great!

The next day DH gets a message from FIL to say that he and BIL are on the way to collect the car. All good. Then BIL sends a message to the group chat saying he's going to need to borrow our car whilst his car is getting an MOT. He doesn't ask, he assumes.

Bit of backstory - BIL (by Dh's own admission) is an immature man child who is often reckless and verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He can't hold down a job and FIL is constantly bailing him out of messy situations. FIL is definitely his enabler.
DH says no I'm really sorry but I don't want you using my car. I'm not buying it for someone else to use. FIL gets angry at this as asks why BIL is good enough to pick the car up then? DH says he thought FIL would be driving our car and BIL would drive FIL's car back. Had he have known this wasn't the case, we could have asked someone else to collect the car.

Anyway, it's all blown into a huge argument. FIL phoned DH and did nothing but shout and scream. How can he not trust his brother? He's trying to get his life together! DH reiterated that he didn't want to upset BIL but he doesn't want him having access to our car. It ended with FIL telling DH to go fuck himself and to get someone to come and collect our car off his drive way that night. Whilst all this is going on, BIL sends a message to DH saying our car drives like a dream to further antagonise the situation.

I phone my parents and ask them (1.5 hour round trip) if they would mind collecting the car from FIL and driving it to MIL's house as she has space in her garage for it. My parents kindly agreed to do so. DH messages FIL to say that my parents will collect the car from him when he's ready. A few minutes later, FIL messages DH and says that the car isn't ours, it's his. He's keeping it and then he transferred our money back to us. So now we have no car.

We suspect FIL will end up giving BIL the car. We now also suspect that BIL was probably always going to use our car instead of his own (on its way out) secretly before we return to the UK.

AIBU to think FIL and BIL have both acted like twats? DH is really upset that his father has treated him this way and I'm furious at the way FIL has spoken to DH. I'm sure in time, DH will forgive them both which is fine but AIBU to want nothing more to do with them?

Thank you if you've made it this far 🙏

Out of curiosity, if you are not legally resident in the UK how were you intending to insure the car?

I dont see the issue - why are you pestering FIL and BIL to help you get a car if you dont eant to involve him. BIL had to be involved on the trip to get both your car and FILs car back. Make your own arrangements then they can't drive your car if you don't want them to. Unless BIL has reckless driving records whats the issue,

I think both parties are at fault here.

I agree with your FIL that you were more than happy to have BIL spend his time to help collect the car, but won't let him borrow it for a day, I'd have been pissed off too in your BIL and FIL's position.

But to react in such a way, and now taking the car is a mega over reaction and I'd be pissed in your shoes.

Just hire a car and see how you feel when you get to the uk as to wether you'll visit them or not.

@OPOPONAX4 there are limited options rather than no options to insure a car as a non resident.

I agree that buying is cheaper than renting in the uk. Personally I.would have allowed bil to use it until I arrived. As long as he had valid insurance. They did you a favour, so saying no has massively back fired on you. Surely it's better to keep the engine going, otherwise you're going to arrive to a dead battery. I don't use my car much during the school holidays, and I tell my husband to use it twice a week for work.

I agree! I find the whole plan of buying a car for one month bizarre. You weren't even sure BIL would buy it off you afterwards.
I also think it's off that you're allowing the in-laws to be so involved with the purchase and collection of the car but not letting BIL borrow it briefly. It's like they're helping you so why wouldn't you help them?

Thanks. It may be something we need in the future.

i think you and your dh were totally out of order to say your BIL couldnt drive the car. I'm not surprised he and your FIL were so angry.

I’m on your side OP. You know your BIL better than any of us so trust your gut instincts on this one. If you feel he is untrustworthy based on your history with him then he probably is. People seem to be glossing over the fact that your FIL treated your DH like shit which is not acceptable. He sounds like a control freak and bully to unilaterally make these decisions without consulting you and then throwing his toys out the pram when you pushed back.

You were happy for everyone to do all the running around for you, yes maybe he was rude the way he went about it but it makes total sense for him to use the car. Its sitting there.

But they still involved him with a car purchase etc?

They sound like users TBH, do this, do that.

I think you've all made a drama over nothing. Your fil and bil sorted out between them collecting it so would it have been sick a big deal to let him use it. You created a huge fuss.
They should've asked not assumed but then tbh you'd never have known anyway if they hadn't told you

@OPOPONAX4 Keith Michaels is a good option for a car owned in your own names as non UK residents with non UK driving licences.

I may have read this wrong but I don’t believe they did. OP and DH only dealt with FIL. It was FIL that brought the BIL in to the mix.

@mrschocolatte your post said that FIL was a controlling bully and treated her DH like shit?

That's what you said.

Are you suggesting that he's had a complete personality change and they didn't know his traits before?

He got them a good deal "they were excited about" it was going to save them money, blah, blah.

Well they're back to square one, then can go and stove their own car.

They even had the cheek to involve other people and ask them to do a 3 hour trip to get the car?

Users!

I misunderstood your original response. I thought you were referring to the BIL so responded as such.

So long as BiL was insured comprehensively, I can’t see a problem with him using the car.
I also think it would have been a lot easier to rent a car though . . .

@mrschocolatte I think you've misunderstood the whole situation and how this couple use people!

Particularly asking others to get in on ex a do a three hour round trip!

Bloody cheek!

Should say get involved

She said BIL said he might want to buy it. Whoever they sell it to; they're not going to want to sell it for less than they paid a couple of months before. Unless the car is in worse condition than when it was purchased, they have every right to sell it for what they paid for it.

I can see we think differently about this issue. Thank you for explaining what you were thinking.

INo, I don’t believe I have. I believe the FIIL is out of order and behaving like a prat. But that’s just my opinion. You’re entitled to yours and I shall respect that.

When we lived abroad and came over for the summer holiday, about 7 weeks, we did this a couple of times and it was much cheaper than hiring!

I agree. How was FIL expected to get both cars back without help?

You cant ask people to help you out massively then get pissy when they ask for a similar favour back.

If you want full control over this situation then do it yourself and stop involving others.

Given the amount of help you need from the family to save you hiring a car yabu
it works both ways. Your putting them out expecting all this, so it’s only fair if they need something in return

Can't help with the family squabbles but a tip for renting a car - I found there's companies that will rent a minimum of a month for significantly less than the normal well known hire companies. They typically rent to businesses who have staff coming in from overseas temporarily etc. the place I found was in Bristol but they must exist elsewhere. The cars were mostly 3 year old cars that had come back off long term lease before they got sold off though during covid I snagged a brand new car for 6 weeks because I was trying to buy one and garages were closed, they even delivered it.