Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

FIL 'took' Our car!

358 replies

LostMyCar · 15/05/2024 21:16

Evening all,

I'll start by saying that I've NC as I don't want this linked with my previous posts. This is a long one so I do apologise in advance...

Dh and I live abroad and will be visiting the UK for a couple of months next month. We've been looking for a cheap car to use for the month with the intention of reselling when we leave.

FIL has been kind enough to help with the search and the other night found a good deal. He went to view the car and arranged to buy it the next day. FIL had 1k of our money (from selling a car last year) and we transferred the remaining balance of the car over. We're excited that we've got a good deal and BIL mentions that he might want to buy the car off us when we leave. Great!

The next day DH gets a message from FIL to say that he and BIL are on the way to collect the car. All good. Then BIL sends a message to the group chat saying he's going to need to borrow our car whilst his car is getting an MOT. He doesn't ask, he assumes.

Bit of backstory - BIL (by Dh's own admission) is an immature man child who is often reckless and verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He can't hold down a job and FIL is constantly bailing him out of messy situations. FIL is definitely his enabler.
DH says no I'm really sorry but I don't want you using my car. I'm not buying it for someone else to use. FIL gets angry at this as asks why BIL is good enough to pick the car up then? DH says he thought FIL would be driving our car and BIL would drive FIL's car back. Had he have known this wasn't the case, we could have asked someone else to collect the car.

Anyway, it's all blown into a huge argument. FIL phoned DH and did nothing but shout and scream. How can he not trust his brother? He's trying to get his life together! DH reiterated that he didn't want to upset BIL but he doesn't want him having access to our car. It ended with FIL telling DH to go fuck himself and to get someone to come and collect our car off his drive way that night. Whilst all this is going on, BIL sends a message to DH saying our car drives like a dream to further antagonise the situation.

I phone my parents and ask them (1.5 hour round trip) if they would mind collecting the car from FIL and driving it to MIL's house as she has space in her garage for it. My parents kindly agreed to do so. DH messages FIL to say that my parents will collect the car from him when he's ready. A few minutes later, FIL messages DH and says that the car isn't ours, it's his. He's keeping it and then he transferred our money back to us. So now we have no car.

We suspect FIL will end up giving BIL the car. We now also suspect that BIL was probably always going to use our car instead of his own (on its way out) secretly before we return to the UK.

AIBU to think FIL and BIL have both acted like twats? DH is really upset that his father has treated him this way and I'm furious at the way FIL has spoken to DH. I'm sure in time, DH will forgive them both which is fine but AIBU to want nothing more to do with them?

Thank you if you've made it this far 🙏

OP posts:
drusth · 21/05/2024 11:12

lemonmeringueno3 · 21/05/2024 11:07

"It's incredible to me that you posted all that waffle without RTFT."

I RTFT and have commented several times.

I am referring to the current situation not historical support.

Most people wouldn't consider letting bil drive the car while his car has a mot as 'strings.'

I am allowed to read the same thread as you and perceive things differently.

So you acknowledge she's provided BIL lots of support but because she doesn't trust him with the car, she's 'mean and entitled'?

OP has said BIL 'is an immature man child who is often reckless and verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He can't hold down a job and FIL is constantly bailing him out of messy situations.'

Would you trust this man with your car?

drusth · 21/05/2024 11:14

lemonmeringueno3 · 21/05/2024 11:08

Luckily op can now call on all of those other willing helpers to buy a car for her.

If you had RTFT you'd have seen OP has bought a car now and BIL can't access it.

InterIgnis · 21/05/2024 11:15

lemonmeringueno3 · 21/05/2024 11:08

Luckily op can now call on all of those other willing helpers to buy a car for her.

She’s already sorted it. It’s not that big a deal to organise, the only thing FIL cost them was a bit of time. He’s the one that wasted his own time and is now £1000 out of pocket (it doesn’t exactly sound like BIL is likely to reimburse him)🤷🏻‍♀️

lemonmeringueno3 · 21/05/2024 11:22

I will never understand why people get so cross about someone disagreeing with them.

drusth · 21/05/2024 11:25

😂

InterIgnis · 21/05/2024 12:07

lemonmeringueno3 · 21/05/2024 11:22

I will never understand why people get so cross about someone disagreeing with them.

Who’s cross?

I do think it’s funny that some posters think not wanting to provide a car for someone that can’t be trusted not to drink drive or leave jizz stains on the seats is unreasonable though.

Each to their own when it comes to 1, standards, and 2, who you want to white knight for, I guess.

lemonmeringueno3 · 21/05/2024 15:51

Oh yes, we heard that he might take a tinder date in the car didn't we. While his car has its MOT. I think that was when I first thought op was BU.

Blondebrunette1 · 21/05/2024 22:47

drusth · 21/05/2024 11:12

So you acknowledge she's provided BIL lots of support but because she doesn't trust him with the car, she's 'mean and entitled'?

OP has said BIL 'is an immature man child who is often reckless and verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He can't hold down a job and FIL is constantly bailing him out of messy situations.'

Would you trust this man with your car?

@drusth they seem to be very happy for him to know their low opinion of him. It's not their main car, it's a temporary cheap run around that they plan to use for 4 weeks and then sell off, it's hardly a precious asset. He can't really do any harm, that's why it's hard to understand why they've made such a big deal over it imo.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread