FIL 'took' Our car!

[LostMyCar]

Evening all,

I'll start by saying that I've NC as I don't want this linked with my previous posts. This is a long one so I do apologise in advance...

Dh and I live abroad and will be visiting the UK for a couple of months next month. We've been looking for a cheap car to use for the month with the intention of reselling when we leave.

FIL has been kind enough to help with the search and the other night found a good deal. He went to view the car and arranged to buy it the next day. FIL had 1k of our money (from selling a car last year) and we transferred the remaining balance of the car over. We're excited that we've got a good deal and BIL mentions that he might want to buy the car off us when we leave. Great!

The next day DH gets a message from FIL to say that he and BIL are on the way to collect the car. All good. Then BIL sends a message to the group chat saying he's going to need to borrow our car whilst his car is getting an MOT. He doesn't ask, he assumes.

Bit of backstory - BIL (by Dh's own admission) is an immature man child who is often reckless and verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He can't hold down a job and FIL is constantly bailing him out of messy situations. FIL is definitely his enabler.
DH says no I'm really sorry but I don't want you using my car. I'm not buying it for someone else to use. FIL gets angry at this as asks why BIL is good enough to pick the car up then? DH says he thought FIL would be driving our car and BIL would drive FIL's car back. Had he have known this wasn't the case, we could have asked someone else to collect the car.

Anyway, it's all blown into a huge argument. FIL phoned DH and did nothing but shout and scream. How can he not trust his brother? He's trying to get his life together! DH reiterated that he didn't want to upset BIL but he doesn't want him having access to our car. It ended with FIL telling DH to go fuck himself and to get someone to come and collect our car off his drive way that night. Whilst all this is going on, BIL sends a message to DH saying our car drives like a dream to further antagonise the situation.

I phone my parents and ask them (1.5 hour round trip) if they would mind collecting the car from FIL and driving it to MIL's house as she has space in her garage for it. My parents kindly agreed to do so. DH messages FIL to say that my parents will collect the car from him when he's ready. A few minutes later, FIL messages DH and says that the car isn't ours, it's his. He's keeping it and then he transferred our money back to us. So now we have no car.

We suspect FIL will end up giving BIL the car. We now also suspect that BIL was probably always going to use our car instead of his own (on its way out) secretly before we return to the UK.

AIBU to think FIL and BIL have both acted like twats? DH is really upset that his father has treated him this way and I'm furious at the way FIL has spoken to DH. I'm sure in time, DH will forgive them both which is fine but AIBU to want nothing more to do with them?

Thank you if you've made it this far 🙏

Would the BIL been insured on the car?

I presume bc they intend to resell it and this claim back some of the money, which wouldn't happen with a rental

We went to France with my parents one year. Instead of taking two cars via the eurotunnel, plus all the fuel we bought a people carrier for the fortnight and sold it at a profit on our return.

Renting a similar vehicle was hugely expensive.

I think you all sound absolutely crackers.

We hired a car for 1 month from Enterprise for £900. I can’t see the point in buying one unless you know you can spin it for profit. My DH used to be in the trade and is good at buying stuff on auction but it’s not something to do on a trip.

I’d say you all need to stop being so dramatic.

This just let him use the car. I don’t understand the saying no part. So much drama.

Also just hire a car!?!

I agree

Massive over reaction on both sides IMO.

If it was a car they had found, bought, owned and kept and left on FILs drive while away for a couple of months I would totally understand them being annoyed if FIL just let BIL use it.....but it's not. All they have done is provide some money all of which they will get back one way or another.
It shifts the balance toward a PPs point....I don't understand everyone getting so angry so quickly and falling out over it.

This would make a good sitcom .

I mean it says “a couple of months” in the OP. Why are so many posters making the same mistake?

So £1800 minimum for 2 months.

You’ve created a massive row about a cheap car that you intend selling on, not a dream Porsche that you’ve bought as a lifetime car.
They were doing you a favour, finding, buying, collecting and storing. You’re coming across as ungrateful and awkward…

What's wrong with having a Tinder date in a car??

Even if you mean he'd be sleeping with his date in there.... it's a secondhand car. Multiple people may have shagged in it.

Oh God, this sounds like my DH and his brother. DH has always been the sensible one, the one who got a degree, the one who became an expert in his field. BIL likes being a big fish in a small pond and has always been light-fingered where DH's possessions are concerned. FIL would always tell the DH to 'let X have the what-ever-he-fancied'.

The result is now a complete and utter rift between the brothers after BIL threw a massive strop over the FIL's will (he didn't get everything his way).

There's no forgiveness here.

Tbh it sounds as if you were pretty stupid to think that FIL wouldn't involve BIL-especially if he might have bought the car from you when you left!

Sounds as if you have all acted like twats!

You don't have to involve FIL because he insists or would be upset if you didn't.

I guess it suited well enough before!

I mean it says “a couple of months” in the OP. Why are so many posters making the same mistake?

So £1800 minimum for 2 months.

Probably because in the same post "We've been looking for a cheap car to use for the month"

Then BIL sends a message to the group chat saying he's going to need to borrow our car whilst his car is getting an MOT.

How will he be insured on your car?

Having specified a couple, she means months plural.

I agree.

If you feel angry about it, simply don't visit them when you come to the UK. Your husband can do what he likes, but you can refuse to go. From the sound of it (FIL telling your husband to fuck off, screaming, shouting), I doubt they'll care.

OK, you'd asked FIL to get you a car (I know you paid) - that's a big thing to ask and I would have thought it would be cheaper and more practical for you to hire a car during your stay in UK? You say not in your subsequent post, but did you shop around? Also, you admit you know exactly what BIL is like. He's there, in the background, being enabled by your FIL. Did you/your husband really not consider that this kind of thing might happen? It sounds as though your FIL is twisted round his little finger, so it was not unforeseeable that BIL would get involved was it?

I think if I were you, I'd be quite glad to be able to visit the UK without having to get involved in this shitshow of a family relationship. To be honest I think none of you come out of this very well and if you didn't consider that BIL would get involved, then that's down to you both.

This💯

But is it that BIL say has a couple of drinks before driving or is he a proper drunk driver? Tinder dates, not sure I could get that worked up about, hopefully he wouldn’t shag them on the back seat!

Most sane adults these days know not to drink and drive when over the limit.

How did you think your FIL was going to collect the car? Surely your DH would have realised someone had to go with him to collect it and 2 cars would need to be driven home.
Your husband was incredibly naive to think FIL would be able to do this as a solo project. He was also incredibly naive to think considering their relationship that FIL wouldn't include BIL in the task.

If you DH wanted BIL to have absolutely no part in the deal then that should have been expressed clearly to his father at the beginning. DH asked his dad for a very big favour. His dad needed help. His dad requested the help of BIL.

Your DH overreacted. Maybe residual sibling rivalry at play. I hope you enjoy your time home and things aren't too awkward. Are you planning on staying with FIL?

(Tinder date made me lol 😂😂)

Would he think twice about having a Tinder date in the car?

He would pick up his dates to the date location. Or he would be having sex with them in the car instead of taking them back to his?

Was the car going to be taxed and insured? Who by?

Why couldn’t he use the car for a few hours???? You sound very unreasonable!!!!!