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Original poster

DP annoyed I’m not accepting higher paid job

397 replies

Pinkstickynote · 15/05/2024 11:56

Getting married this year and going to TTC soon after. I’ve spent years focussing on my career (started out in full time work at 16 as an apprentice - I’m now 30) and climbing the corporate ladder. I’ve been working for a great employer for the past 1.5yrs with good benefits, remote work and whilst the salary is not as high as I could get, I have a great work life balance. My specialism is niche so it’s common to get messages from recruiters about new opportunities. One of these recently piqued my interest as it was £40k higher salary. I did interview and was offered the role but decided against it. The main reasons being our plans to start a family, and no longer feeling motivated to keep climbing the ladder. My prorities have changed, and I’m on to a good thing where I am.

DP cant understand my decision and said he’d always been so attracted to my drive and ambition. He thinks I’m crazy to turn down so much extra money when people would give anything to get a pay increase like that, and I should be getting as much money as possible before we have DC to benefit us when I’m on mat leave/our DC’s future. It’s making me doubt my decision and I’d benefit from some views on this (the place that offered me the role have said if I should change my mind in the next few days, to let them know).

Am I the insane and ungrateful one here? I should point out that DH and I do live a comfortable life as is and have well paid jobs (for context, my salary is low six figures). WWYD?

OP posts:
HippeePrincess · 15/05/2024 11:58

Yes I think you’re possibly mad turning that down, though since you earn 6 figures already maybe it doesn’t really matter. Depends how it compared otherwise. Did you work out the difference after tax etc?

Codlingmoths · 15/05/2024 12:00

Umm without knowing anything else I’d take it, but in real life I’d have lots of considerations. Will it work with having children- does it have much longer hours/more unfriendly hours/ travel. Is it an industry /company that seem supportive of women with flex and promoting women who’ve had career breaks- Can you work from home, can you work part time? And what is the answer to these questions for your current job? I moved industries when I moved countries as I was in one that would be tough to start a new job in, have a baby, and go back there.

jeaux90 · 15/05/2024 12:01

I probably would have taken it and delayed the TTC until I was through the first 2 years in the new role or stayed where I was.

When you plan on taking maternity leave etc I think it matters how long your tenure is and whether you are well established there etc

Lipolio · 15/05/2024 12:02

I'd get the higher paying job

Mitsky · 15/05/2024 12:03

I’d also take it for the following reasons:

  • there’s no guarantee you’ll conceive straight away
  • 40k extra would mean that if it was a company with good benefits and openness to flexible working, I’d want to explore the option of going back 4 days a week initially and this payrise would cover the difference and more

However I’d also want to know the culture of the company / hybrid working / travel expectations / benefits

ToWonderWhyIBother · 15/05/2024 12:04

What is your current maternity package like and what will the new company be offering.

Once I had that information then I could make a decision on which job offers the best incentives to either stay or go.

Depending on your age can you wait for another 2 / 3 years before trying for a baby ?

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/05/2024 12:05

TBH you already earn a significant amount and are presumably comfortable financially. What impact would this have on day to day life? It sounds like your current job is fantastic in work/life balance and you are happy there - those things are (to me!) worth a huge amount. You could well take the new one and be in a horrible working environment and stressed to your eyeballs.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to not climb the greasy pole anymore.

Keepthosenamesgoing · 15/05/2024 12:06

I'm not sure I understand your reasons. What is this other company like? They may be better and more supportive of family life than your current?
For what it's worth, I found that it was easier to juggle work like balance ans kids as I was more senior. Because you are less "managed" and you have more agency around what you do and when.
So I'd climb whilst you can !

asdf33 · 15/05/2024 12:06

Definitely take it, you can always leave if you hate it. Also agree with your DP about saving as much money as possible before a child comes into the picture.

RoseUnder · 15/05/2024 12:06

You should take the promotion. I agree with your DP.
Push ahead now, get as high as you can before you have children.
You're only 30. Lean in!

MrsElsa · 15/05/2024 12:07

Starting a new job and getting pregnant soon after is a bad idea if you can avoid it.

Where you are now they presumably think you are good at your job and want to keep you, plus you might qualify for their enhanced mat pay (but check your employers policy before you make any expensive assumptions).

Jump now and you will run the risk of not qualifying for enhanced mat pay (e.g. requires 2 years employment) and not having a solid track record to draw on when you start with the preg related absences or long term sick etc., and wanting to come back part time etc etc.

I say this because you already have an eye wateringly high salary and don't need the extra cash. Would be different if you were going from 20k to 60k

Greenleavesinthesun · 15/05/2024 12:08

Normally, I’d say you’re mad, but you already earn six figures, so what does it matter? If you’re happy where you are, then you made the right choice.

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/05/2024 12:08

Christ - always this obsession with pushing and climbing - get as high as you can! WTF?! Some things are more important than being career driven, and the OP has every right to not want that sort of attitude. She isn't exactly on a minimum wage job and unsuccessful!

Yummymummy2020 · 15/05/2024 12:08

Op I’m going to go against the grain here(granted on limited information) if you are happy where you are, I’d stay for now. I know it’s not the same for everyone, but I left my job for a better job with the same thoughts of your dh, my old job was great, suited a lot with kids and the pay was great, just people convinced me that more would be better. I had been told also the new job was really family friendly, but in reality it just isn’t. I’m still there but looking to move and can’t get my old job back(maybe if a vacancy comes up in the future) but I forever regret the day I changed. Money definitely isn’t everything if you are already comfortable. Do your homework of course but if you have the feeling you don’t want it then don’t let dh pressure you into it!

YaWeeFurryBastard · 15/05/2024 12:11

I have been in pretty much exactly the same situation, even down to age and salary numbers. I also decided not to take the job, but I was already married and my husband was fully supportive and happy for me to prioritise starting a family. We’re now a good few months into our TTC journey and it isn’t happening quickly for us and I’m grateful I’m in a job which is flexible and I can do with my eyes closed which is allowing me to fully focus on our TTC journey without the stress of a new job.

Knowing what I know now I am extremely glad we started trying when we did and didn’t put it off any longer. My view is there will be other jobs and my family life comes first. My husband is extremely supportive though and happy to lean into his own career to support us during this next phase.

RoseUnder · 15/05/2024 12:16

Take the job and start TTC as soon as you qualify for the maternity leave.

I've started new jobs pregnant, and been welcomed, and welcomed back afterwards (including on a flexible basis). Getting this advance now will give you WAY more career options once you have children - whether flexible, PT, side-stepping, whatever.

And it's true that the more senior you are, the more flexible and autonomous you are.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 15/05/2024 12:18

I think you need to have a proper chat with your DP as this would be ringing alarm bells for me. What’s his career like? Is he going to support you taking a long maternity leave even if a portion is unpaid? What about going part time?

arethereanyleftatall · 15/05/2024 12:20

I think neither of you are right or wrong. You simply have work/life balance ideals that are no longer compatible.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/05/2024 12:23

It would be better to start your family at a company you already know and get full maternity rights at. In such a niche role those roles will be available after you have kids too. £40K seems a lot on paper to those who don't earn 6 figures but once you take into account tax at higher rate it doesn't equate to (relatively) that much more. So I can see all the reasons why you have made the right choice for you.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 15/05/2024 12:23

And it's true that the more senior you are, the more flexible and autonomous you

Never a truer word.
Take the job. Children cost money after a few months - from childcare to massive teenage trainers and uni fees.
Many women want to work P/T after met leave. This will be less painful to your family income on a higher salary.

Also - TTC isn't often instant. Just imagine 3 years down the line, you didn't take the job but you're not pg either. Take the job.

Truetoself · 15/05/2024 12:23

OK I think you have bigger issues than not accepting this role. What do you both think life would look like once you have children. If you wanted to take a back seat in your career, would he support you?
I also agree with pp you would be mad to turn down the extra money. It could buy you more time with your DC you can save more. If you are sought after and I think you are - the workplace would want to accommodate you

Appleblum · 15/05/2024 12:29

I think I would have probably taken it because there's no guarantee that you'll conceive straight away. And if you want to cut down on your hours after having a child you'll need the higher salary. Children are very expensive.

takemeawayagain · 15/05/2024 12:36

If you really like where you work then I wouldn't take it. It's not always easy to find somewhere you really like working and as you're already a very high earner who cares about the extra? You'll pay tonnes of it in tax anyway.

I'd be concerned about your DH's attitude, is he saying he'll find you less attractive if you don't take the position? Let's hope you don't find you desperately want to be a SAHM.

RedHelenB · 15/05/2024 12:38

Once you earn over a certain amount I think job satisfaction is easier to accommodate. So I'd stick with the job you like for now. But I do get dhs point about no longer seeming to be ambitious.

JC89 · 15/05/2024 12:39

If you are already comfortable financially the pay rise might not be the thing to focus on here. I would also consider:

Maternity package - what do you get and when are you entitled to it?

Sick pay - might be no time off during pregnancy, might be months off if you have HG

Flexibility - can you WFH? Would you be able to go part time / condense hours if that works better for you? Can you leave the office at half 5 or would you be expected to stay until work is done? How easy will it be to drop everything and come and get DC when you get the dreaded "DC is vomiting, please come get them and keep them off for 2 days" call from nursery? (Is this likely to be better for the workplace who already knows you?)