OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

[JosephineCornwall]

My bf of just over 3 months has shocking table manners….lip smacking, eating with mouth open, licking his knife, licking fingers (this is the worse one as it’s often and noisily and doesn’t use a napkin), licks the plate at the end of his meal…..you get my drift. In most other aspects I think we have the foundations for a LTR, however when I see him eating I want to dump him!! 😱 I have hinted at him that it’s not the done thing but am I being unreasonable to give him an ultimatum?

I have hinted at him that it’s not the done thing

Stop hinting!

I couldn't continue to go out with someone with such bad table manners, it'll only get worse the longer you carry on.

Try talking to him rather than hinting.

Ask him about table manners at home.
See what he says, then decide if you can tolerate it.

I warn you now, unless someone is highly motivated and aspirational, this kind of thing gets worse with time.

To me, this is a sign of being inconsiderate and doesn’t bode well for any other area of life.

He may say he’s dyspraxic and wishes he could do better.
He may think manners are for other people.

Oh god that would turn me. How do you even go about addressing the issue?

Dump him & get a dog.
There's a bit of licking but a dog is cute.
A grown man slurping on his own fingers & eating with his mouth open is gross.

Nooooooo....he does not lick the plate, does he?
Surely you are lying 😁
Has no-one ever told him.this is really poor manners?

I could kind of forgive if he just did one of the bad things, but ALL of them is a step to far.

🤣🤣 The thing is my two Labradors have better manners around food!

I left a really nice botfriemd because he talkeed with his mouthful. I told him to stop. He didn't

Be honest and open and tell him its turning you off

Nope, sorry, I would be dumping him, and telling him why.

If he would cause you untold embarrassment if you were to go out to eat with a group of your friends, think being seated at a friends or your senior bosses posh wedding or other important function... its got to be addressed. Simple.

Throw him back. Disgusting. It’s another thing my ex did - wish I’d dumped him after 3 months!

My ex eats with his fingers. He eats with his mouth open too. He overstuffs his gob full of food and ut looks like a washing machine...Oh, and the noise! I put up with it for over 20 years...our DD also can't abide it. It wasn't the main reason he's an ex but it certainly did help.

Oh dear God, he licks the plate.

I once saw a colleague do that when we were out in a restaurant. He had generally terrible manners, but that was a new low. Nobody even knew what to say. He was "let go" soon afterwards. The guy was just too inept to be allowed near clients.

Sorry, but I would have a gentle but clear and direct conversation with him about table manners, what they are, and how important they are to you (and to most people). Then he might change, if he's intelligent and considerate. Or if he didn't then I would have to dump him. Imagine your life with a guy like that.

You can't ask him to change. This isn't going to work.

Aaargh that would put me right off my own food 😭

You have to tell him you can't be with someone who eats like this, you'd love it if he stopped - but it is of course up to him entirely if he changes or not. Tell him you are prepared to respect his choice and you hope he will respect yours.

That’s made me feel queasy just thinking about it! My 4 year old niece has much better table manners than him. He must realise others don’t behave that way and it’s rude but he doesn’t care. Throw this one back.

That would give me the ick. Christ I’d have to move away from him in a cafe if I saw him. I abhor bad table manners, never mind that long list you’ve detailed. I’d be out. Game over first time I saw it.

It's amazing that he's got this far in life without sorting out his revolting manners. I agree with others - whatever you say or do, I don't think he will change now. Disgusting.

I couldn't deal with that at all!

If this is what he's like now at the early stages then what will he be like when he's more 'comfortable'!

Table manners can be subjective, but for me the plate licking and the mouth open would be too much.

No way would I go out with a man who had such appalling manners. If he is like this with just eating, what other awful habits does he have!

If he has been brought up like that he is unlikely to change now, depending on how old he is.

If he was embarrassed by it he would want to do something about it.

Just end the relationship.

Does he eat that way in public, with company?
I can see some people lapsing their manners if they very comfortable with someone, but eating with mouth open and stuff is gross.
I did date someone who ate like an absolute pig and it fitted around the rest of his character tbh. It shows lack of basic concern for others. And extreme arrested development.

I could not cope with this at all!! And I don't think a conversation will sort it, but if you like him otherwise then give it a go.