OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

[JosephineCornwall]

My bf of just over 3 months has shocking table manners….lip smacking, eating with mouth open, licking his knife, licking fingers (this is the worse one as it’s often and noisily and doesn’t use a napkin), licks the plate at the end of his meal…..you get my drift. In most other aspects I think we have the foundations for a LTR, however when I see him eating I want to dump him!! 😱 I have hinted at him that it’s not the done thing but am I being unreasonable to give him an ultimatum?

There are just some social norms that you adhere to - nothing to do with how you hold your cutlery or whether you use a butter knife, and other matters of etiquette.

In some homes it's the norm to use your fingers to eat from communal platters and use bread to scoop up a mouthful - but it's not a free-for-all and there are basic rules of the table e.g. the elderly and children eat first, and if eating on the floor no feet should touch the table cloth.

Manners are not about silverware, just consideration for others.

Clearly my question was controversial! I've never licked a knife as far as I know, and I don't think I've seen an adult lick a knife either, but if you think about it, there isn't an actual reason why it's a terrible faux pas.

And it would definitely get up the last bits of gravy when otherwise you only have a fork to hand.

I don't think I've seen an adult lick a knife either, but if you think about it, there isn't an actual reason why it's a terrible faux pas.

There is a basic reason: to avoid injury.

Well back in the day you might have cut your tongue on it.

And food isn't designed to balance on a knife.

@JJathome - I absolutely do ! I have impeccable manners in public and am a fully functioning member of society. My family also have pretty decent manners and they haven’t inherited my tendencies. I’m amazed there’s such outrage on here.

"food isn't designed to balance on a knife"

eh?!

Food isn't generally designed to balance on a fork either! 😂

I reckon I could eat plenty of foods with a table knife if I had to. Mashed potato wound be my first go-to, followed by a really thick stew.

I don't think I could have made it past the first date without saying "did you just lick the plate?"

I was at a hotel recently and the man of the couple sitting near me at breakfast had the worst table manners. Very much like you describe and also burping audibly without even trying to cover his mouth.

I felt so embarrassed for his girlfriend. I’m guessing his poor manners and lack of respect don’t stop at the dining table.

I wouldn't even think to use my knife to use it to eat food , it's for cutting .

I once told a girl at school not to eat with her mouth open. She was hurt and I felt terrible for saying anything. On the other hand she might have stopped doing it!

Do everyone who eats with him a favour and tell him.

I'd never have got past the first meal.

Lol I would love to see this date 😁.

My ex FIL used to do it all the time. He also used to pick his nose in public too.

It sounds trivial but this is the sort of thing hat puts you off physically in time.

Do you really need to ask? I feel sick at the thought of eating with him. I can't believe he'd leave the bathroom in a good condition, or wash himself daily, either.

Don't you think you deserve better than a grown man who licks his plate?

Nah, I dumped a boyfriend for that. God, it was vile. And he had lip scum (boaks)
What is it with some men, their mother didnt instill good manners!
Dump him!! I guarantee you won't be the first woman to do it!

The first time a boyfriend of less than three months standing picked up his plate and licked it I would have been "What the fuck?".

My DH (when he was a BF) got a fish supper, proceeded to open it and eat it from the paper with his fingers in the living room

I am the kind of person to eat a burger /fajitas with a kife and fork so I couldn't abide that and he was told!

We don't have many carry outs now.... but if a fish supper was involved he knows cutlery and plates are needed

So you need to tell him or suck it up and live with it

You’ll never get past this.

It will only piss you off more and more over the years and you’ll have to deal with it at least once a day every day for the rest of your life. plus the embarrassment of eating in public with him.

Easy for me to say LTB because he wouldn’t have got a second date.

Can you learn to live with it??

is that inpublic? my dh will lick his plate at home but not when we're wit other people

After only three months I’d be assuming he’s still on his best behaviour and that it will only get worse. Even though I’m struggling to see how it could possibly get worse!

How has he managed to go through life eating like this? 😲

I am tempted to show your post to my DC, OP. I'm constantly drilling them in table manners, and they sometimes tell me I'm being ridiculous imposing these rules, but I try to explain what the consequences can be in later life of poor table manners. It really does matter.

Dump immediately and stick with doggo. I cannot bear humans with poor table manners. There is no excuse.

I met a date once in a restaurant and he ate most of his soup with a spoon and then picked the bowl up and tipped it up to his mouth and started slurping the remaining soup.

I was mortified and people at the next tables were staring. That was the end of him.