OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

[JosephineCornwall]

My bf of just over 3 months has shocking table manners….lip smacking, eating with mouth open, licking his knife, licking fingers (this is the worse one as it’s often and noisily and doesn’t use a napkin), licks the plate at the end of his meal…..you get my drift. In most other aspects I think we have the foundations for a LTR, however when I see him eating I want to dump him!! 😱 I have hinted at him that it’s not the done thing but am I being unreasonable to give him an ultimatum?

He sounds like an utter pig.

Put his plate on the floor and the dogs' bowls on the table ? If he asks why, explain they have better table manners. 🙂

How have you lasted that long? Poor table manners are such a turn off. I managed to endure years of my ex shovelling yogurt and ramming in crisps without stopping for breath, but it revolted me. I think it can be indicative of sloppiness in other areas too.

Can you not just say you don’t like him licking his plate?

There are absolutely no foundations for LTR with table manners like that. My vagina would have clamped shut witnessing him eat with his mouth open and lick a knife. It wouldn’t have gone further than one meal tbh.

Jesus, that's awful. A shame if in all other regards he's a possible keeper. But no, I couldn't get past that, I'm afraid.

My colleague dumped a boyfriend just because he licked his knife at the table.

With ALL that blatant disregard for conventional table manners, I'm amazed you're still with him to debate it tbh. I'd be sitting like (which is probably poor manners too, but hey)

Thank you every one of you so far for your comments and suggestions and I agree wholeheartedly with you all 🙏
His table manners have worsened since our first few dates, so he can rein it in, so yes, it shows a lack of respect for me that he thinks it’s acceptable to eat like a pig 🐷 in my company (at home and eating out).
I love the suggestion that I switch up the dog bowls with his plate 🐾
I will give him an ultimatum and if he doesn’t change fucking fast, he’s fucking done.

I think that if he's able to rein it in when he wants to then that's kind of even worse.

I could sympathise with someone who maybe came from a difficult background and literally didn't know what good table manners were (and was willing to be taught).

But somebody who knows it's rude but does it in front of you anyway? Euurgh.

Good grief. I would have ended the relationship the first time he behaved like that! 😡There's no excuse for it.

@JosephineCornwall I don't want to jump to unfair assumptions, but I was thinking if his table manners are this bad, what's his take on personal hygiene? I feel like this won't be an isolated problem.
But you sound like you're on to it!

My DH naturally eats like a pig and doesn’t pause for breath and puts half a bottle of ketchup on his plate. Growing up his parents never made him eat healthy food. It was a huge deal for me especially coming from a family that didn’t have very much. I married him, but not before I had a really big discussion about how I would need him to change his behaviour before having kids as I would not want his poor example for them. He had to start eating healthily and with his mouth closed. It’s still sometimes embarrassing when we are out for dinner and he hasn’t looked up but we mitigate it by having him eat a bit before we go so he’s not too hungry.
Had he not agreed to rein it in it would have been curtains.

Is he good at licking other things that make you look past it?

Show him the scene from Spirited Away where the parents find all the food and what happens to them .... say he looks and sounds the same when eating!

If he’s that bad, imagine having dinner with his whole family 😂

My DPs parents used to make him eat his dinner off the floor if he wasn't going to have human table manners he could eat on the floor like an animal.... (with a plate, making it marginally less abusive imo)

Everything you dont like about him now will be even worse as he ages. Just saying.

He's too comfortable around you too fast op... Imagine what else he could let deteriorate or other bad habits creep in.. Just no. Throw him back.

Darling - raise your standards.

He should still be on his best behaviour in the first 3 months of a relationship. It's only going to get worse. If you call him on it he might mask it for a couple of months but how do you think he's going to be eating 10 years down the line, when you're married with kids and if you're extra foolish reliant on his as the only income? If he doesn't think he should be behaving with table manners 3 months into a relationship, what do you think that says about how much respect he has for you?

I wish I'd have turned around and left when I visited my ex's house for the first time, nipped to the loo and found the bowl full of bright yellow pee😫- he was too lazy or disrespectful to flush it for his girlfriend staying over for the first time ffs. He left the door to a shared Air B&B bathroom open because he "wasn't going to be embarrassed if anybody saw him" and, as it turns out somehow managed to give me an STI despite us always using condoms. Turns out in news that will shock nobody reading this that he was a lazy and self-centred arsehole who had no respect for me or any innocent Air B&B bystanders

This is your warning shot. Don't waste time trying to get him to behave more respectfully towards you. Believe him when he shows you who he is.

I could not deal with this at all. It would really put me off them. Not just because people eating with their mouth open etc is revolting to witness, but because I think it really says something about someone's self-awareness and social skills (ie that they have very little of either).

Also, food and eating out is a big part of my life. Love cooking, love restaurants, love meals with friends and family - food is basically my love language. So for me, a partner's behaviour around food and eating is really important. So I couldn't date with someone who had disgusting table manners, but also I couldn't date someone who was a fussy, picky or anxious eater (even though that isn't their fault).

Nope. Dump.

Omg I think you're dating my BIL! if you are he's a pig and has always been like that. He also is a covert narcissist. Just a cunt in general. Overly charming to begin with and generous but actually has achieved fuck all in his 39 years.

I'd dump and not look back

He sounds a bit dim. Even if he was raised in a barn, he must have noticed by now that other people don’t eat like him. Drop him off at the farm and drive away quickly.

Just imagine sitting next to him at your wedding, all eyes on the top table, in your beautiful dress. You turn to your new husband...

And he's licking his plate.

Ugh my exh was like that. Would grab a big handful of crisps and shovel them into his gob, whilst making the most disgusting irritating noises whilst doing so. If I didn't finish off a pack of crisps he'd then go on to shovel the rest of mine in too. He did get his comeuppance for that one, one day though when he came in and grabbed the pack of watsits I'd been eating. Late DCat also loved watsits so I'd put about 5 on the floor for him. He ate 2 of them and then licked the coating off the other 2 and spat the last one out onto the floor. Rather than leaving them in case he came back to them I put them back into the packet and put the packet next to me on the settee whilst finishing watching my programme. In comes the exh, who grabs the bag feels there's some crisps inside and pours them into his mouth, doing all these stupid mmmm lovely noises. I just sat there and went oh btw the Cat had his mouth around those before spitting them back out again and just before he proceeded to lick the coating off he'd just been in his litter tray and had licked his bum seconds before. Yep it was my fault I shouldn't have left the packet there. Erm no you shouldn't just automatically assume that any packet of crisps I have left there weren't for me to go back to when I was ready to eat them again. Oh and he also licked plates too. Even did it in a restaurant in front of loads of people, but wouldn't be told how disgusting it was. Why I stayed for 14 years I do not know.

Sorry by mumsnet standards my expectations of a partner are pretty low but licking the plate absolute no from me. You either tell him that it’s a massive turn off or dump him no point in hinting.