OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

[JosephineCornwall]

My bf of just over 3 months has shocking table manners….lip smacking, eating with mouth open, licking his knife, licking fingers (this is the worse one as it’s often and noisily and doesn’t use a napkin), licks the plate at the end of his meal…..you get my drift. In most other aspects I think we have the foundations for a LTR, however when I see him eating I want to dump him!! 😱 I have hinted at him that it’s not the done thing but am I being unreasonable to give him an ultimatum?

@JosephineCornwall

When I first met my husband, I was really not looking for a relationship at all, but he was keen so I gave him a chance.

He chewed with his mouth open. There's lots of stuff I can excuse, that is not one of them.

I was brutally honest. I told him this would go nowhere if he didn't learn to chew with his mouth closed, might be petty, but it's a deal breaker for me.

Pleased to say he took it well and 20 years later we're still together! So be honest, I say.

Oh God - gives me the ick. My friends husband eats with elbows flying and u find that kind of icky never mind what you are talking about - how old is your BF?

Yep. I read that back and thought - what??

I meant that knives aren't designed to eat from - wrong shape!

I worked with someone who ALWAYS started talking the minute she put food in her mouth.
It was revolting
And she ALWAYS seemed to sit opposite

No to licking a plate. I mean WTF
I have been known to drink the cereal milk out the bowl but I do live alone and wouldn't do it in public!

Three months only? Just get rid. He hasn't been taught, hasn't picked it up organically and you're not his mum.

We were once in Sainsburys cafe for lunch, and the two young men (mid 20s) at the next table had already got their food. When they'd finished they were talking and one of them was bemoaning the fact that no woman he asked out ever went on more than two dates with him. I'd seen him eating and I so wanted to lean over and tell him that I knew why he never got more than two dates.

Mouth open..nope that made me queasy just reading that.
He'd have to go.

Gave me the ick just reading this. I would dump cause as time goes on I would start to feel contempt for him

Rather than dump him why not tell him what the issue is. If he is willing to change he's worth the effort of showing him good manners.

Oh dear. I think you might have just met my exh

@JosephineCornwall that's terrible.

The real question is how are his other manners? If there are other terrible habits then it's pointless trying to fix just this one. But if it's just that then it's worth a try

He's worse than some children! I would hate eating with him anywhere. And I would find it all a complete turn-off. Just no.

Definitely agree with this.

Licking a knife and licking the plate?! Fucking animal!

I've only ever seen this once when my stepdad came home battered when I was 7. I knew straight away it wasn't the proper him (!) and couldn't understand why Mum didn't call the police.
He had clearly been invaded by aliens.
Obviously the aliens returned him in his true state.

I can't imagine why you didn't just walk out at the time. Disgusting manners. It tells you all you need to know about him.

Manners mak'eth the Man.

Sometimes.

I'm trying - and failing - to imagine what eating with elbows flying looks like. It sounds really bizarre. 😕

Awful! I have had loads of boyfriends when I was young and they all ate properly. Dh is very particular of table manners and dc eat properly to the point that dd had pizza at school and she was the only one who ate it with knife and fork.

Your elbows should be by your sides - touching or very close to touching your sides - not raised/sticking out.

No, if it's bothering you this much after 3 months imagine after 3 years, 30 years etc.Tell him that his habits are really off-putting but if there's no effort to change there's no point.

My DP used to do this thing where he would eat some foods with his fingers, literally picking it off a plate and shoving it in his mouth.

I was absolutely horrified and disgusted. I literally blurted out "there's a reason forks were invented.

He kept doing it and eventually I stopped eating meals with him in our respective houses. When it clicked we hadn't been eating together he questioned it and I just told him straight, eat with a fork or eat by yourself.

The weird thing is, he never did it when we are out.

He now uses a fork.

It's gross and may or may not work. Do the same thing. Exagerate the licking and eating with your mouth open, lick the plate etc...
If he asks what you're doing you say "trying to figure out what you get out of being so f#%king rude"😉

Or use the moment to open up the conversation about his table etiquette.

Absolutely gross. I called time on a fling with a very hot man when I realised he ate like a camel.

As I tell my (very small) children. Once food is in your mouth, no one wants to see it again.

Sounds like you may be jumping from hint to ultimatum. Maybe there is room for a clear but polite expression of your view first.

My ex held his knife like a pen. Tell him. Show him this thread? It might help if he sees how disgusting most people find it.