OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

[JosephineCornwall]

My bf of just over 3 months has shocking table manners….lip smacking, eating with mouth open, licking his knife, licking fingers (this is the worse one as it’s often and noisily and doesn’t use a napkin), licks the plate at the end of his meal…..you get my drift. In most other aspects I think we have the foundations for a LTR, however when I see him eating I want to dump him!! 😱 I have hinted at him that it’s not the done thing but am I being unreasonable to give him an ultimatum?

3 months??! God no. Dump and run. It will only become more annoying the longer you’re with him. My now ex dh used to eat his dinner laid out on his stomach on the floor, crouched over an Argos catalogue with a penknife held like a pen - he’d never use a normal knife. By the time we separated I was ready to murder him with the Argos catalogue and penknife. It used to drive me absolutely insane.

@JosephineCornwall Don't give him an ultimatum because how long do you think it will last? Do you think once you've been married a few years and he's all comfortable, that he'll still show you the respect to rein it in?! Nope. He'll go back to his default

Fuck that at least you have to tolerate it with a toddler until you get a grip with that but it only lasts a few years . A grown man , fuck even the first date .

Bleugh could you put up with a life time of this? I couldn't!!
As kids me and my brother used to lick our plates. Always got rollocked off my mum but we still did it 😅 waste not want not!!( I don't do it now btw)

He's not an "OH" it's been 3 months. You hardly know him so just dump him and tell him why.

He sounds like a complete muck savage.

I've been with my husband 18 years and if he started this buffoonery I'd divorce him lmao. Bad table manners are just festy, I can't cope with it, especially lip smacking and chewing with his mouth open.

Is your boyfriend a golden retriever, OP?

I saw one eating an ice cream the other day and the manners sound similar.

You have not been together long enough to call him your OH.
No way i could not put up with that.
Just reading your post makes me feel sick dirty man.
I went on a date with a man once that licked his plate i said if i want a dog id buy one i walked off and left him at the table.
Ick ick yuk yuk fuck that one of my many reasons to be single.

From your update, he clearly can behave well when eating, he just can't be arsed with you. You're only 3 months in and he doesn't give a damn.

Table manners are something that are taught when young, or in this case, not. It's going to be really hard for him to change the habits he's learned around food, however, if you're going to dump him anyway, and you really really like him otherwise, there would be no harm in being absolutley honest and saying that you find the way he does xyz repulsive and it's just not the custom to eat in such a way.

If he's a keeper he will listen, try to understand your point, and take steps to do it differently. You might even be doing him a favour in the long run, as it mght sink in in time for his next relationship. My hunch is he might just carry on shovelling it in, but it might be worth a go, unless you're so turned off by the horrors you've seen so far, that your knees have slammed shut forever. Only you know.

Thats what I was thinking if he has bad table manners it usually implies he has low hygiene and cleaning standards too

I remember being out in a group for a meal & someone did this.

Has to stop myself from shouting "wtf are you doing"?

I do remember as a kid having bread to "mop up" with though!

I would speak to him about it in case he’s willing to change, but dump him if not. I would definitely want to avoid a situation where he has to be « reminded » about his table manners like a 4 year old.

DP has a friend who eats at the speed of light, literally shovelling the food in and at the end of the meal he hoovers up everyone’s leftovers. He stopped doing this because his girlfriend told him to, but if she wasn’t there he’d be back to his usual self (she dumped him eventually!)

My husband hates using a fork so uses a knife and pushes food onto it or loads a piece of bread up... it's very medieval.
He gets irritated by people who fanny about with food and use their knives like a pencil... can be annoying!
He says he likes to get stuck in!
I usually place something between me and him, water bottle, kitchen roll so I don't have to witness.
Your bf/ dh won't change, I think it all begins in childhood...

I lick my plates and bowls regularly, I wouldn’t do it in public but happily do it in front of DH and DCs.

I only read the first sentence and voted YANBU. Talk about icky!!!

I do remember being in the company of only one other person who licked her knife , she was cousin and I had never ate in her company before . There were two other children there at the time(neither of the kids were hers , she didn't have any) . They never did this , they would have been into next week if they had . I was shocked .

You won't be able to take him anywhere - he'll have to stay back with the dogs as he's not socially acceptable. How would you ever teach manners to a child from such a relationship? Is he unhygienic too?

Tell me you don’t really. You’re just saying that for effect?

You are setting yourself up for a life time of embarrassment.

He licks his plate? 🤮

👆

All I can I imagine is him licking his plate with gravy dripping all down his chin 😬
Don't ask me why

Is licking a knife really that bad? Given that you put both a fork and a spoon into your mouth? For me that feels on a different level to licking a plate.