3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

[Lilysienna1]

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

From what you've said op he sounds like a decent and involved dad. Do you know if all failed relationships or any surprise accident babies?

Not many men would be willing to have the baby for a whole weekend if they had other kids so I think that's a green flag (I know the bar is low)

You have 8 children to support between you!! Just no.

Even if he's a really great guy, that's too much complication for me. Even if he has positive relationships with the mothers of his children and they are supportive of you, that's three other people and their children you have to work into your life and considerations. A lot of money going out of the household in child support (which he should be paying, of course). If you are happy to do that, give it a go, but it wouldn't be for me.

I know! 😱

I would wait at least a year after chatting with a man online to start dating again. At least!

FOR EITHER GENDER

1. He should have his own children more than every other weekend.
2. It doesn’t look great that he left so soon after she gave birth. It doesn’t scream “responsible person to be in relationship with.” If HE were the full time parent of the 1 year old, this would be different.
3. When should you date? I don’t know, brutal honesty. It’s a jungle out there. I wouldn’t even tell someone I had a baby until several dates in. Do NOT mention your child in your profile, or post pics, or let him see social media where you mention the baby, or mention your child on the first date.

Unfortunately, there are men who target women like you and the only “safety” would be waiting until your child could talk. Maybe I’m being ridiculous, but these headlines come up all the time.

@AllAtSeaAgain

perfectly put!!

@Lilysienna1 Run. You have 3 kids with one Ex, that's not the same as Captain Shag & run. 3 Ex's to deal with. Not in this lifetime matey!! And I'm a proper soft touch & love kids. You'd have to be mad to take this joker on

Nope

I wouldn't touch him with a 50 foot barge pole. Far too much drama, too many exes, too many kids, too many responsibilities, and too many potential financial commitments. Nah, fuck that! I would also judge him for having 5 kids with 3 different women. FFS, put something on the end of it!

This would be a nope from me.

only if I wanted to become babymamma #4

and no, I wouldn’t. Shows a lack of responsible , critical thinking skills imo.

Why did it end?

Would touch him with someone else’s ! Don’t be number 4!

The last one is too young. Why couldn’t he commit to at least 1 of the women?

red flag.

Also this.

Run! The hills are that way OP ➡️

Same here, I wouldn’t date a parent - doesn’t matter if man or woman, both would be write offs to me.

But then OP already has kids herself, so…

If you just fancy a bit of occasional fun, and not likely to fall hard for him, go for it.

But double, damn it quadruple, up on contraception as he obviously has very strong swimmers!

With his parental and financial commitments he is not a long term prospect.

No way. Absolutely disgusting.

So - not one but three women have got pregnant by him early on.

Then either he walks on on partner and dependent child/ren

Or they get themselves and the child/ren away from him, either for someone better or for safety.

The most recent only a matter of months ago.

And he's already looking for the next one who'll also be handy free babysitting etc.

So he has them en masse a few times a month. Big wup.

Your own children must be bewildered by this whole thing.

Huge display of massive red flags.

For god's sake have some self respect, don't follow the pattern and don't get pregnant. He surely can't afford another one.

The fact that you're asking the question says your Spidey senses are tingling. I'd step away, too complicated at best, and disastrous at worst.

@Lilysienna1

• 10 in the combined household

• 8 children with different parent combos (shudders at teen angst stage)

• 5 households (including yours for kids to navigate)

• 4 Co-parenting Ex's ( His 3 plus yours)

• 2 jobs to manage including organising childcare

=1 Massive Red Flag Convention

He might be the loveliest guy but the Maths don't add up too nicely.

Voting with PP who suggest you save yourself a problematic equation and put this one back.

Looking at your update you are right to question this and to let it drop.

Not a judgement on him - but as stepmother it’s hard enough with one ex to deal with let alone three. Plus 5 kids with their individual needs and personalities. And your own kids. No way. Too complicated.

Absolutely not.

He has five children to three different mothers. His youngest is a year old. Why on earth would you even give this ‘man’ the time of day. Tell him to go be a parent! (My guess is he isn’t).