3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

[Lilysienna1]

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

That’s quite some record and looking on the bright side, he’s clearly very fertile.

Wouldn’t be one for me.

No..But then I wouldn't date a man with any DC at all because I don't want to be a stepmum.

Seems to indicate a man with either very bad judgement or great irresponsibility.

No way. Also as someone else pointed out - he has his kids every other weekend? What kind of "decent dad" is that? I'd be fighting tooth and nail for more access for my children.

Run a mile, and then run some more!

Too complicated. Just end it.

I’d struggle with the five kids, much less with 3 different women. Are you sure he’s not Boris Johnson?

Not for me! And he has a one year old. No thanks.

My bil pays for 4 and supports 3 at home. Has a fantastic lifestyle because he's worked bloody hard for it. 2 abroad holidays a year with ALL the dcs. I'd say on average 3 weekend ones , the likes of Haven etc again with ALL dcs.
When my sister 1st met him I thought she was bonkers, I remember messaging her saying run a mile. He'll be bad news. She's never been happier. It seems to work for them. He supports her in such a way that it meant she could also have her dream job although far less pay, but something she loves.
She also isn't expected to look after his dcs. He's very hands on although as his dds have got older they prefer her helping with things more than their dad.
All the dcs so my sisters 2 prior, their 1 and his 4 are all treated the same too.
However I appreciated this is probably a rare case.

No, i wouldn't.
My partner has one child with his ex, and that has proven difficult enough. We've been together over 3 and a half years and i've still not met his now 8 year old due to her forever changing the weekend visitation arrangements, and his child having Autism and refusing to come to see his dad, sometimes for 6 months at a time during her 2 subsequent pregnancies as he'd refuse to be away from her.
Trying to plan and negotiate a relationship around not one, but three other women, their lives and schedules etc, would be a nightmare. Throw in your own 3 children, and how would you cope if things get serious and you've got 8 kids at once?

Too much baggage.

And… quick to have a baby early in a relationship is just not taking women, relationships or babies with enough respect.

People end relationships, start again, but 3?

Probably judgey, could be unjustified in this particular instance, but I’d be stepping off his conveyor belt.

No. There's a common factor in all those failed relationships WITH children. Yuck.

Fuck no.

And the speed at which he’s moving on would suggest that he has a vacancy for a housekeeper/childminder/taxi driver/cook which urgently needs filled to facilitate the time he does see the kids.

No, just no. Most likely would be a complete drama fest. l can’t be bothered and lm
not clear how l would fit into the whole thing. I had a thing going with someone who had a previous partner, with 3 children with 3 different men and l was like WTAF. She was unhinged and a total drama addict. Some people go on holiday with each boyfriend / girlfriend and some have a child with them

Anyone who uses the term "baby mum" is a red flag!

No way, run!

Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women?

Good God no.

Just the 5 dc part would be enough to put me off but the fact they have 3 different mothers would cement it for me. Way too much baggage.

This is how I feel about this situation

This! Plus the point others have made that you’d have 3-yes3!! Exes to deal with plus your own ex and how on earth would your DC feel about 5 new step siblings? And that’s if you two last long enough to even imagine a future… OP you can meet someone with less complications. Please believe me- I’m speaking from experience- best wishes x

No. I'm outta there! Quite aside from the circumstances that has led to that situation (poor judgement at the very least!), there is just no way this is going to be an easy, drama free existence. No, no, no! 8 kids between you?!

When I was dating I wouldn't date anyone who had children so I'd rather have my vagina stapled shut for the rest of eternity than deal with that many kids and exes. Just the logistics of it all are a hard no let alone considering the youngest still being a baby, having 3 exes to deal with, the financial side etc. With 8 kids between you and 4 different family schedules and all the potential dramas that brings in the mix I don't know how you'd even manage to find time to see each other on a regular basis anyway.

Everything red flags forever.

Youngest is 1 and he’s already dating.
He has all five of them every other weekend and age range 1 to 16? So that means he can make the oldest care for the youngest?
He’s either looking for baby mum number 4 because he knows how to make a baby but not how to work at a relationship, or he’s interviewing a housekeeper/nanny, though I suspect he’s using the oldest kids for this.

Either way, that’s four exes and eight kids between you. That’s not a family - that’s a show on Channel 4.

I'm shocked you're even asking this .

Yes, instant red flag.