3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

[Lilysienna1]

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

My late husband had one ex and two adult children.

He told me that he wanted me to find myself another man after he was gone. (He was older than me.)

I told him that there was no way I was going through that again. By "that" I meant constantly having to make accommodations for his ex (and her partners) in order to keep his kids happy (so as not to disrupt his relationship with them).

The prospect of having to do that with three exes? No thank you.

Red flag that he left his latest woman with a 6 month old and is already dating… and obviously has form for it. Wouldn’t bother 🚩

No it wouldn't put me off. He provides for them and looks after them. At least he will be used to being around DC if he does meet yours.

I'd keep him at arms length until you can be certain that he does indeed have amicable relationships with the mothers, does actually take care of and provide for his children... I have two kids with my ex. He then went on to have two more with two different women. He pays for none of them, sees 3 of them sporadically and 1 not at all, but has managed to convince people that he's a great dad. He steals pictures from social media to display on his own pages to make it look like he is very involved in his childrens lives. But the reality is very different. Hopefully this guy is trustworthy, and he does take his role as a father seriously, and does maintain relationships with his children, and maintains a mutual respect with his kids mothers. I hope so. But I would just keep an eye on the situation whilst you get to know each other.

Yeah think I'd judge , most of my cousins were of a generation where everyone got married and had a baby or three . So when I was growing up you didn't have babies unless you were married and stable .Both husband and I have two with each other which was expected at the time .

Nope.
He is the reason there are THREE single mothers out there. The way I see it is in some way He doesn't take responsibility, because he is either:
1- too much of a problem for these women to consider entertaining - and let's be honest, women will put up with FAR too much to keep their families together for the most part
Or
2- He has walked away from relationships with women who have had his children quite easily. He has had kids with 3 women and it hasn't worked put with any of them?
I think it's kind of hard to think he valued any of those relationships or the stability of his own children. A sibling here, a sibling there.

Or a mixture of 1 and 2.

AND how is he supporting these children? Unless he's earning mega bucks I can't see how he would have ever thought he could financially provide for another child by the 3rd/4th or 5th.

I knew a man who had 5 kids, 3 from one woman, 1 from another, and the latest girlfriend of his had one too. By the time he paid child support for his kids, he paid in towards childcare for #5 and had no money to meet his own living costs.
He didn't have a very high salary, so the three households his children lived in, didn't receive much from him at all. It sounded hard for everyone.

It really wouldn't be for me, I don't think I could see past there being 3 women who are single mothers because of him
Very few women go into having a baby thinking they'll end up solo parenting- the youngest child is a year old and he's looking for a new relationship..
How would you feel if he did that to you? I'd be concerned that was what my future might end up like...
Being left in the early stages of a child's life, by a man who will not financially be able to provide a great deal for his kid, likely won't have much time for them either, oh and might have a new girlfriend for babies first birthday, to confuse everyone.

I wouldn’t go near him.

Too much entanglement for me to deal with, personally.

A man out dating a year after his baby is born would be a red flag for me. I'd not get involved with this man.

Red flag.

This wasn’t bad luck that the relationships didn’t work out. He chose this way of life. After one split he didn’t find it so tough being away from his kids, or so upsetting that they had to deal with it, that he learned to be careful not to recreate that. He doesn’t wait to see if a relationship is serious before having a child, because he doesn’t care. He just moves straight on and doesn’t seem to be bothered as he then does it all again. And again. He’s an irresponsible and selfish idiot.

Mums with kids with several different men are very much judged.

However the mums will at least tend to have the kids living with her the vast majority of the time, and doesn't just have them EOW, and arrange it so that she has all of them on the same weekend so that the rest of the days are her own!

My ex is with his third wife, and has five kids between the three of us.

There's reasons his marriages kept failing.

Definitely no aside from the fact he sounds like poor relationship material, thinking long term five stepkids would be a nightmare

No way.

I guess he doesn't believe in birth control or getting the snip either.

Do you even need to ask??? HUGE red flags screaming out at you. Do u want to be baby mama #4? Having 3 children through your ex is completely different from having 5 kids through different women. Bin him asap. Bad news.

This guy has a one year old baby though. With 5 kids and the youngest being that age he should be focusing on his kids, not finding himself a woman.

Is this a joke? She chatted to him for a nano second online. No meeting up. It’s normal to chat to a few people, things not work out then pick someone to meet up with. I haven’t online dated as I’ve been with dh for years but from what I’ve read men on dating sites are often just after a hook up.

If a woman went by these rules and chatted to 5 guys, 4 of whom only wanted sex or ultimately one or both parties decided prior to meeting up they weren’t interested, she wouldn’t go on a date for 4 years.

No way. He might be the loveliest man on.earth, but all those kids and exes no ta.

Run. Man’s a flake.

just no.

Even if he's the loveliest man on earth, no-one needs that degree of complication in their life. Dealing with 1 ex over access arrangements is bad enough, but 3? Run like the wind.

Yuk. Bet you weren't dating with a one year old.

Can't believe you even have to ask. I'm surprised he has the time and money to date with 5 kids as well, wonder how involved he is with them all

Definitely not 😵‍💫The reasons have all been very well stated by pp

This guy does not take creating stable families seriously and was he even married to any of these women before he decided it was baby time?

My friend had two kids with a man who already had 5 kids by 3 women across two countries .

He has stayed with her over a decade later but he’s a feckless Dad, always leave her (and exes) with the burden of childcare responsibility despite the fact they both work. He doesn’t contribute to Christmas or birthday presents /parties etc for the kids and she gets massively stressed trying to arrange and pay for it all. Shes like a not-single, single parent.

She complains about him sometimes and I just don’t say anything, the writing was on the wall. What did she expect?

Get your barge pole out!