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Original poster

3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

354 replies

Lilysienna1 · 13/05/2024 20:23

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

OP posts:
Greengablesfables · 14/05/2024 22:31

J0S · 14/05/2024 17:36

In the VERY unlikely event that he is in fact paying child maintenance for his 5 children , I bet he cant wait to move in with a woman who has three kids so he can reduce his liability.

Oh is that what happens?? The man’s duty to pay the mother of his children, to help raise his children, is reduced if he moves in with another woman who has her own children ????

Ereyraa · 14/05/2024 22:48

Greengablesfables · 14/05/2024 22:31

Oh is that what happens?? The man’s duty to pay the mother of his children, to help raise his children, is reduced if he moves in with another woman who has her own children ????

Show quote history

Yes but when you already have 5, the reduction will be little to nothing.

GettingStuffed · 14/05/2024 22:52

I would normally say no but it is a situation my cousin finds himself in. His first wife was caught in bed with another man. The next one again had an affair. He seriously loves his children and they adore him. He just has a habit of picking totally unsuitable women.

Supersares · 15/05/2024 17:49

The youngest is only 1 so that’s along time to be paying maintenance and 3 exs to deal with, no thanks!!

YDBear · 15/05/2024 17:57

Unless he’s a hedge fund manager, if he’s paying child support on all three kids then he is probably broke.

CauliflowerBalti · 15/05/2024 18:08

Aside from the commitment red flags, that is far too many exes to have to factor in if you want to get all of your kids together at once. 6 adults’ diaries? Nope. My ex and I have a son, he went on to have 2 children with his second wife, and is now with a third partner who has children of her own. It’s all amicable but a logistical bloody nightmare at Christmas etc.

On that ground alone, I’d move on.

Turquoise123 · 15/05/2024 18:29

I am a bit worried for you if you need to ask this question .

Tamigotxh · 15/05/2024 18:35

YDBear · 15/05/2024 17:57

Unless he’s a hedge fund manager, if he’s paying child support on all three kids then he is probably broke.

Well either that or he’s not paying enough in child support which many men don’t .

My friend has a partner like that and AFAIK he barely contributed to the 5 or 6 kids he had with 3 different women. He is self employed and does manual cash in hand casual work.

lucindasspunkyfunkyvoice · 15/05/2024 19:05

Nah. Id rather be alone

PracticalLady · 15/05/2024 19:18

Get rid immediately!

KeepHopeful · 15/05/2024 19:22

Seems very immature. Some men think it's quite ok for a bloke to have kids by numerous women, but fatherhood should carry responsibilities. How many more might there be? Avoid like the plague!!

wasdarknowblond · 15/05/2024 19:34

Wouldn’t touch him with a barge-pole!!

DisabledDemon · 15/05/2024 19:36

Run! ⚡

Nothing7 · 15/05/2024 20:07

Feels a bit sad to not give him a chance if you clicked and like him. It may lead to nothing but wouldn’t you get to know a bit better and see how the situation came about.
He could have been very unlucky and went into the first relationship with high hopes then it didn’t work, so met the other 2 who had a plan to get themselves pregnant and ok maybe he could have been safer but could have been unlucky?
There are women who seem to get pregnant very easily and quickly because it suits them and they don’t care about how the man feels. I know of at least 3 women who’ve miraculously become pregnant immediately after the relationships started and have more than 2 children by 2 dads.

Getonwitit · 15/05/2024 20:17

I can't believe you are having to ask. Your children don't need that level of chaos in their lives.

abracadabra1980 · 15/05/2024 20:22

Urgghhh. Just no.

bluetopazlove · 15/05/2024 20:40

Why would you want to have children with so many different people . Two at the max ? Unless of course your name is Boris .

OldPerson · 15/05/2024 20:54

He says he's paying child support for those 5 children? How much? He must be very wealthy if he's paying for their needs. Or is he paying a token £10 a month for each child?

But also, if he's paying for 5 children - how much disposable income does he have each month?

And if he's a good father to any of them, how much of his time does it take up each week, to be a good dad to them? Because being present in the lives of 5 children from 3 different households must be time-consuming.

Where does he live? He has his own home right? And a good job with a steady income?

And you now have 8 children between you?

I'd run a mile.

Not sure what your children are like, but:

  1. If you have a daughter would you be happy if she brought him home as boyfriend?
  2. If you have a son, would you want this man to be his role model?
Yeetpetite · 15/05/2024 21:49

I’d be very cautious as some men have kids early in a relationship as a form of control. My ex now has 3 kids with 3 different women (me included) and he tells everyone the relationships broke down because of the Mums being a nightmare, not him. He clearly forgot to mention him texting other women, trying to stop me going out with my friends, telling me what to wear, giving up work as he didn’t want to pay towards the bills so I had to go back to work full time just after giving birth, and lots of other things. I was amicable with him after for the sake of our daughter but looking back there were red flags, his other exes all had issues like that with him and are lovely. I wish I’d listened to my gut from the beginning but he had us all fooled. Trust your instincts! and if you did stay with him as it turns out he’s a nice guy just with bad luck, try and imagine life with that amount of kids between you as I’m sure that’ll be hard work in itself! Especially when he’s got some young children. Good luck with whatever you decide x

Mamanyt · 15/05/2024 23:53

I'd ask myself this..."What is the one, single known denominator in all of these relationships?" Answer..."HIM." Yes, this is a red flag. And since he does see them all (good Lord, is it on the SAME "every other" weekend?) do you want to take at least partial responsibility for eight kid (his plus yours) on a regular basis, should the relationship progress? OR be a single mom of 4 kids (or more) if this relationship should end up like EVERY ONE OF HIS OTHER ONES???

sososotocvfgft · 16/05/2024 00:06

Mamanyt · 15/05/2024 23:53

I'd ask myself this..."What is the one, single known denominator in all of these relationships?" Answer..."HIM." Yes, this is a red flag. And since he does see them all (good Lord, is it on the SAME "every other" weekend?) do you want to take at least partial responsibility for eight kid (his plus yours) on a regular basis, should the relationship progress? OR be a single mom of 4 kids (or more) if this relationship should end up like EVERY ONE OF HIS OTHER ONES???

I know of a couple who had 6 children between them, but shared custody with their previous partners, they coordinated it so all the kids came over in the same weekend, must have been such a zoo!
Plus poor kids having to hanging out with kids they didn't know/didn't necessarily like when they did get to know them, plus share bedrooms etc.

I know some people could make that work, but it sounds like hell to me, less hellish as the adult, but I would have absolutely hated that as a kid

KM123456 · 16/05/2024 00:18

Why do you think it will be different with you?

Huge red flag.

Nothing7 · 16/05/2024 07:53

Ha I reckon I’m just a bit naive and trusting cos everyone raises good points but I feel sorry for the bloke just incase he is unlucky

Toptops · 16/05/2024 08:43

Red flag. Don't go there!

Dweetfidilove · 16/05/2024 10:35

WitchyBits · 14/05/2024 07:45

Good god no, I can't stand indiscriminate jizzers that just churn out babies like athletes foot in a bowling alley.

Indiscriminate jizzer 📝.
I discover the best terms on MN 🤣🤣🤣