3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

[Lilysienna1]

As the title says…. Would you continue talking with a man you’ve met (in person) if he told you he has 5 children with 3 women? (Youngest is a one year old, oldest is 16.)

From what he has said, the relationship he has with the mothers of his children is amicable, and he has all 5 of them (3 with 1 mum, then one each with the other 2) every other weekend and pays child support for all 5.

Bearing in mind, I have 3 children with my ex, so I feel like a hypocrite for even wondering if there is something just a bit off… that with 3 women things didn’t work out, that he has had the last 2 children fairly early into each relationship and that the youngest is only 1, and that relationship ended 6 months ago…. Red flag or second date…

Three kids with one partner is nothing like three kids with three partners.

Yes.

Indeed. Still being in contact with the children you created and who you are legally responsible for is not something to be applauded.

Raise the bloody bar.

And to add to that in many cases the fathers contribution to the financial support of the first children is heavily subsided by the mother and/or taxpayer.

That’s why these men can “afford” to go and have more kids.

Think about it this way.

Three separate women gave birth to his child. And now he is single.

There are two possible options:

1 He made the conscious choice to leave his child and partner when his kid was young and the woman was at a vulnerable point in her life.

OR

2 He was such a shit father and partner that the women decided that their lives would be better and easier living as single mothers rather than staying with him.

And that happened three separate times with three separate women.

That says something very very strong about him.

Not when is as recent as having a one year old!

Maybe if they were teens and young adults and he had managed at least a decade without reproducing, and showed signs of having learnt and grown up.

Hard pass.

Could you not even manage to read the thread and see that this has already been answered before the need to put your cape on and come police us all on behalf of the men, struck you? Why on reading the OP, was your thought “but what about a hypothetical woman who did the same thing?”

I'm just imagining the potential for drama with so many different sets of children, yours included.

If this was a woman would you all still be of the same opinion?

Absolutely. I'm a lesbian, I'd be running as fast as I could.

no thank you

It's not such much the 3 different exes/children. In certain circumstances, I coukd see how it may happen etc. I know of a few cases - ranging from relatively normal to insane chaos.

It's the speed at which he has children so early in relationships and the fact the youngest is only one, that would really put me off.

‘Stupid’ is only ableism if you’re stupid enough to think disabled are stupid.

I think even putting aside any moral judgement, it is ok to decline great men with complicated lives if you want a simpler life.

This.

If you wanted a relationship with any involvement in each other's lives, the logistics would be such a faff. They wouldn't become less of a faff even if one felt he'd behaved impeccably at every point.

Not if his arse was studded with diamonds!! I’d say the same if it was a woman too…

Throw this fish back, you deserve better

This is one of the most mature things I've heard.

You do you. But I don't have to accept it into my own bubble.

Run Forrest Run.

I wouldn't, not because he's a red flag, but because you are looking at having your life revolve around 3 other women and 5 other kids for the next 18 years, plus having to provide a home for 8 kids in total whilst 20% of your OHs income leaves the household every month.

Even if he was the best Dad in the world and perfectly lovely it would be a no from me.

His kids should be a priority.

Good Dads have their own kids more than once every other week.

I don't want a side part in my life story.

A 4 bed with a through lounge is not big enough for this side show.

I don't want to drive a minibus.

There must be other options. Throw him back.

Yes he's obviously talented at being 'lovely' but has he got capacity for a relationship longer than 18 months?

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Run.

Difficult. Stacey Solomon is wonderful, I love her, yet she has five kids with three different fathers. Would anyone say these things about her if she split from her husband? Unlikely. However - still a red flag for me .

I still wouldn't want to get into a relationship with someone who had 5 kids and 3 exes to consider, regardless of how wonderful they are

Yeah. She would have made poor choices repeatedly, bought in multiple men and added additional siblings to the mix.

It’s thinking with her heart not her head for herself not her children.