Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

'No, I'm fine.'

If they start banging on about it then yes, that would be irritating, but an initial comment? Shut it down and move on.

It’s a perfectly reasonable remark really, much the same as if a friend showed up in a light T-shirt on a chilly January day, most people would ask “are you sure you’re going to be warm enough?”

Most people aren’t focusing on your weight as much as you are. They’re just not wanting to have to put up with you moaning about being too hot later on I suspect.

I totally agree, I have extensive self harm scars (and sometimes fresher cuts if I’m going through a relapse/ bad time) so often tend to stick to long sleeves and I get asked this all the time in the hotter months. It makes me uncomfortable because I don’t know how to respond, yes a lot of the time I am hot and uncomfortable in what I’m wearing but less uncomfortable than it would be to have people stare at my arms all day!

There are lots of reasons people might not want to dress in short sleeves or other summer clothes and I completely agree other people shouldn’t be commenting.

I'm overweight too. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this.

Its a comment about your choice of clothing and the weather.

Jesus, normal conversational points are completely dead when you cant even talk about the weather!!!

I would only comment if it was my child who was dressed inappropriately not another adult.

I think you are overreacting. It's normal conversation. Nobody cares if you are overweight.

Tbh I don’t think people should say anything about people’s clothes choices unless it’s ’wow that’s pretty/cool/looks lovely’. Clothes are such a personal thing and lots of people have poor body image that their clothes choices might be due to.

I get what you mean OP. During the heatwave last year I was wearing a maxi skirt which was absolutely fine for me and I thought appropriate for the weather. Another mum at the school gate kept on banging on and on and on about how I must be SO HOT and how could I bear to have anything covering my legs. Said mum had on teeny tiny denim hot pants and a vest top size 6 figure and the disdain directed at me was palpable. It was incredibly irritating. Don’t tell me that I must be feeling hot, over and over again!

You can talk about the weather without needing to comment on someone else’s clothes. How much is making a comment like ‘won’t you be hot dressed like that?’ really going to move the conversation on? It’s unlikely to lead to riveting conversation! At best the person is going to say ‘Yes, I didn’t realise it was this hot when I got dressed.’ or ‘No, I don’t feel the heat.’ But at worst you will make them uncomfortable because they are dressing in that way to cover up because they are uncomfortable with an aspect of their body. It’s really not hard to avoid commenting on other peoples appearances and to still make conversation.

I burn very, very easily. I am also at increased risk of skin cancer for a number of reasons.

add to that I don’t like sun cream, and I like pale skin, I am generally well covered up in warm weather.

my stock answer for those struggling is “I can burn in the shade, i find it better to cover than have to faff with sun cream”

People are just talking about the weather.

We quite often meet up with friends for a walk. If we are dressed as if for different seasons, one of us will probably comment, because it means one set of us has probably not read the weather forecast, or missed something on it.
And then our comparing of notes usually leads to a general adding or shedding of layers all round.

@Wishlist99 you make a perfect example of when someone is saying it to be bitchy or draw attention to their own clothes/body.

Context is everything. I would be fine with people saying it genuinely but not if they're having a secret dig.

There's a lot of projection here, for sure.
Banging on yes, but an odd comment about the weather is not worth this angst.
People often ask me if I am cold in the winter. I never am, but I take it as kindly meant.

Wear light clothes that cover you. Not wanting to show flesh should not mean wearing clothes that are too warm.
It's very annoying when people don't dress adequately for the temperature and then end up complaining eg going out all day without a jacket because it was warm at lunchtime.

I would it that it's coming from a good place. They're just showing that they are concerned for you. It's your low self esteem that's getting wound up and reacting. I'm sure they mean well.

I find covering with cotton or linen far cooler that wearing a scrappy top anyway.

I’m a warm creature, I wear vests in the winter.
People ask “are you not freezing” it’s just conversation, no need to take offence.

Well done on tackling the weight issue.

Yes, I've had those conversations where people decide to leave one layer in the car. It can be useful.

Yes, this. It’s a passing comment. If they push the point, it’s bad. But a casual “Aren’t you hot in that?” is normal conversation between people who know each other, not an intrusive interrogation.

I think it depends on how close you are to the person, because it could both be said and interpreted in different ways.

A lot of women seem to be convinced only a strappy top and short skirts will keep them cool as soon as the temperatures hit 20C. So anything with more coverage would stand out to them as different. I mostly live in linen shirts and long dresses and find them much cooler.

So many adults can't dress for the weather.

You must have read my mind, OP! I considered starting this thread the other day (and have done for the last few years!). I hate being asked these questions. I’m not hurting anyone, so leave me alone!

Rather than dictating how others should think or speak, why not focus on strengthening your emotional resilience to disregard any perceived 'hurty' words.