Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

personally I would agree with you....but not your choice or my choice, her choice.

RUDE. Stay in your own lane. If you’re warm , good for you, if you’re cool, good for you. Do not concern yourself with the temperature of other people , some of these situations are medically sensitive and can’t be avoided.

I agree. It’s rude to comment like this. There can be a number of reasons why people choose to cover up and pointing this out is only going to make them feel uncomfortable.

@OldPerson your post is extremely naive. I eat healthily, do 12000-15000 steps a day, play tennis four times a week, am on weightloss injections and am still struggling to get below a size 16. If only it was as bloody easy as walking for half an hour in the evenings. You literally have no idea.

I'm sorry but I feel you are being unreasonable.

They do actually. I once had a colleague who was a very big guy and he always wore a jacket over his shirt. He clearly didn't feel comfortable removing the jacket, fair enough his business. There was a right busybody we worked with who would ALWAYS nag and nip away at him, saying how hot he must be, why didn't he remove his jacket, on and on, day after day. If she had thought about it for a minute with any level of empathy she might have realised that a) it was his damn jacket that he paid for so b) he could wear it if he wanted and in fact c) it was none of her business.

I think some people lack sensitivity, some are socially inept and some positively take pride in making others uncomfortable.

My friends teenage son used to refuse to remove his hoodie on holiday in hot countries. It was because he was embarrassed for anyone to see sweaty patches on his t-shirt.

Just back, and it seems there are STILL some pps who don't understand OP's point!

It's simple:

It's fine to check that children are appropriately dressed.

Where adults are concerned please bear 2 things in mind before making a dumb remark:

1. they have chosen their clothing consciously and are capable of removing it if they wish and

2. it may be that, if they are wearing something which YOU personally would find uncomfortable, there may be a good, private reason for that which the person does not want attention drawn to, or to have to explain to you or anyone else present.

Why is this simple idea so hard to understand? I've always found busy-bodying of this type incomprehensible.

What a horrible tone there is to this post. OP isn’t dictating anything, she’s just commenting on it on an anonymous forum.

Comments like this baffle the fuck out of me. What kind of contribution is this to the thread?

What kind of insight is this? If this is all a poster has to say, just say it in your head and move on.

But you can talk about the weather - just not what other people are wearing.

I’ve only ever raised the issue of what people are wearing in what weather to the people to whom I gave birth. I don’t think I should be commenting on other people’s clothing.

I shut it down quickly when it’s done to me because at times it has been very inappropriate eg commenting on hat wearing when I had had sudden hair loss.

Yes. There is a difference. Not sure why some are making it out as if it is a hard distinction.

It’s quite sunny and warm today isn’t it?

vs

Aren’t you warm/hot in that?

The former is commenting about the weather and the latter is commenting on someone‘s dress not specifically the weather.

Yes, exactly this. Keep the comments away from what people are wearing - it’s not difficult!

You are being way way way too over sensitive. I think how you are feeling about the comment is more reflective of how you are feeling about yourself. It’s not an unreasonable question.

and I think you shouldn't judge other people. I bet there are things that people could say to you that would make you feel uncomfortable and belittled. "Way way too over sensitive" is along the same the same line as "can't you take a joke"

I know what you mean OP, its drawing attention to it, but probably not intentional. Some people just don't think before they speak, like even if you were hot in it, then what are you going to do, just take it off?? Its a totally pointless question but as I say some people just speak rather than think first is there any point in me saying that. Made me laugh last year, it was "summer" but it was raining, so I had boots on, a woman commented on them 3 times, asking why I'm wearing them as "its summer" not sure what her objective was for her to say it that many times. The first two times I smiled then the third as she was walking in a puddle in her sandals I said "doesn't matter what month it is, its still raining".

I think that's why these threads are useful....yes there are people who will say such things without thought. Hopefully some of them will read this thread and it will make them think. There might also be the case where they will read this thread and go "oh THAT's why xxx looked so hurt/angry/embarassed when I asked that" there are of course the complete random strangers who think they have the right to comment on what other people are wearing. Like people who tell other people to "smile, cheer up" they deserve whatever response that people choose to give.....including vicars and old ladies.

sensitive

Walked through town today, and saw a man get confronted.
Is very warm and sunny here, and he was wearing a thick coat, scarf, and one of those Russian style hats. A lady asked him if he was hot, and he said no.

I wouldn’t ask you that question , I might have asked my kids that when they were young and I didn’t want them to get hot 🥵 and whiny about it .
I’m quite pale and often wear light tops , maybe linen , with 3/4 or long sleeves in sunshine ☀️ I prefer my shoulders covered and my chest , or you can get so much sun damage.
I would wear a lower cut top maybe if I knew I wasn’t going to get sun ☀️/ in the evening.
I don’t have issues with the appearance of my skin or anything like that .
my legs however 🤪 I wear midi or maxis or full length linen trousers because of my lovely veins 😩

Except lots of people have explained why it is unreasonable to ask things like that.

Personally I don't understand why anyone thinks it necessary to comment on anyone's appearance unless it's to give them a compliment 🤷‍♀️

There’s usually a compromise ?
outdoor seating where you can have a bit of sun and they can push their chair into shade or you all sit in sun and they wear a big hat 👒 that’s what I’d do .
I don’t mind being in sun for a short amount of time but i wouldn’t want to sit and have lunch / coffee in full sun ☀️

@fieldsofbutterflies its a comment on whether someone will be hot in a longer sleeve top not a personal comment about someone’s weight or body which of course is not ok.

@godmum56 its not the same thing at all. And aren’t you now judging my comment? I’m not judging, I’m trying to be supportive in that I don’t think it’s a comment about her body and is more about the longer sleeve she was wearing.

It’s an unnecessary comment/question regardless. OP is an adult. She chose what she wore for a reason and it doesn’t matter the why since it is her body and she knows what personally makes her uncomfortable. Even if she was hot, is the friend going to open her bag and have a shorter sleeve shirt for her?