Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

And? What does it matter?

I’m probably considered one of those people. I’m heat intolerant, run warm and being out in direct sun coupled with heat for 5-10 minutes makes my skin feel like it’s burning.

In the winter, I’m in a t-shirt and leggings or light layers that I can easily remove.

Warm days like the past few days, I wear something covering my arms and legs with a hat or umbrella.

If I don’t and get too hot, my blood pressure ( healthy but on the lower end) drops and I faint.

I cover up, if at all possible with long sleeves and preferably a midaxi-maxi length. I do this for multiple reasons -

1. It genuinely feels cooler.
2. I'm not a fan of sunburn/skin cancer/looking any older than I absolutely have to or spending valuable sleeping time covering myself with sunblock every morning to be able to go out without burning to a crisp (and still missing a bit).
3. Psoriasis flares - in a flare, anything on my skin other than petroleum jelly based emollient ointment stings - and that's not a good idea to have on your skin in the sun, especially when I've also used coal tar derivatives to try and ease the burning sensation.
4. I can wear compression sports stuff underneath and not look weird - I've got EDS and it helps me not faint, eases varicose veins and wicks away/protects skin from sweat and chafing.
5. It stops various skin surfaces from sticking together.
6. I prefer to feel a little bit 'dressed' for work.
7. I'm not keen on getting everything out for all to see as a general rule in any case, not because of my size, but because of personal preference.

I have had different comments ranging from my personal favourite from a Muslim colleague 'You look so elegant!' (Ha! As if!) to 'You shouldn't be ashamed of your body, everyone's beautiful' (too many well intentioned people in the crowd at Brighton Pride) and my least favourite <insert random Anti-Semitic shit from some prick in a vest top>.

A white British person asking the bog standard 'Aren't you hot in that?' doesn't really bother me, as the 'I find it cooler' or 'Sunburn sucks' is usually enough for them to go 'Oh, OK. It's a nice dress, I just thought you'd be a bit hot in it' - with a quick joke about at my age, I'm hot everywhere.

I'd far rather get the 'You look so elegant' or 'That's a lovely colour/print/etc' than the others.

It's not always about size and is rarely ill-intentioned.

I remember at 18 on my first girls holiday I was nervous because I was bigger .. more like a 12 and they were 8/6s and I bought a beach cover up, I loved it, it was black and completely open at the sides.

I felt comfortable in it and the first comment I got was “aren’t you going to be hot in that?”.

Yes I’m sure majority of people who say this aren’t maliciously thinking “what can I say to hurt her?”. But it’s just a comment that doesn’t need. It’s really not a conversation because the only answer is “no, I’m fine” and “maybe yea”

Also if I’m out then what am I going to do? Like yesterday drive the hour round trip to change my outfit.

I’ve always found shorts incredibly uncomfortable. They dig into my crotch and the legs ride up between my thighs. Cotton trousers or maxi all the way.

I agree with you op, although I wouldn't show my irritation to anyone who said it, as they rarely mean anything bad by it. But those saying it's just commenting on the weather... No it isn't, it's commenting on your choice of clothes for the weather, giving an opinion that you're inappropriately dressed.

Like a pp, I'm extremely pale skinned (redhead), and I prefer to cover up. I was wearing a very light poncho thing the other day, and another school parent came over and said 'aren't you boiling??'. She then looked at my friend, and said the same, sounding even more shocked. My friend is Muslim, and was wearing long sleeves and a head covering. The woman who said it is nice enough, and I'm sure didn't mean to offend, but it was a little inappropriate!

So, you're not one of those people and you can explain it.
Some people really are like that though and as I've mentioned above, their poor planning can affect other people so people may point out that they might want to re-consider what they're wearing either for the particular person's good or for the group's.

When I go walking, the organiser looks at the weather in much more detail than the rest of us and is well placed to give advice on what to wear. Of course, you then tailor that to your own needs.

But it's not your business either way, so there's absolutely no need to comment and potentially make someone feel self-conscious or upset.

I cover up to protect my skin. I hate the smell/feel of sunscreen so I'd rather wear long sleeves.

People say this to me all the time because I'm rarely without my arms covered because I feel the cold. I just reply 'no, I'll be fine'. I never thought of it as rude or intrusive, just a casual remark, and I certainly don't think people intend it that way. You're sensitive because you're not confident about your appearance, but in the nicest possible way, that's not your friends responsibility, and I think its U to expect other people to self censor all the time in case any throwaway comment is triggering.

I've said it twice today to my children who are wandering around in thick hoodies and dressing gowns. I don't say it to adults, especially as I love in jeans and keep them on all through the summer if I can.

Exactly this. Plus cotton and linen looser clothes are so much more stylish. I hate standing near people with all their flesh exposed with their arse hanging out of their extremely short shorts and their badly applied fake tan whatever size they are. There are very few women who look good in those very skimpy clothes, most would look better covered up more.

I'm fat and wear linen and cotton tops to cover my arms when in public. If someone asked me if I was hot i'd privately think none of your fucking business but to them I'd say I was perfectly comfortable.

To be honest there are far too many instances of fat women wearing too tight and too skimpy clothing, not a good look to have all the rolls showing.

These are of course my own opinions, people can wear what they like and shouldn't get any stick for it to their face, but they can't stop others thinking thoughts about it.

I know some people are but I don’t think it is necessary for someone to have to explain their clothing choices.

If they start complaining, it is one thing, but if they’ve not said a word and don’t anyway, why comment?

I get the irritation on both sides. I had a friend who would dress inappropriately for the weather and moan how cold it was. My mother asks this type of question to me that the OP is describing knowing I run much warmer than her, but because she runs quite cold feels that what I’m wearing is inappropriate.

I had this from a school mum. She went on and on at me saying, you should buy yourself some summer clothes when wearing a tshirt and jeans. I had summer clothes I just run cold. I used to wear cardigans in 25 degree heat when I was younger. We were not friends either just acquaintances and she is the most irritating busy body. Now I am menopausal I run hotter so I do wear more summer type clothes earlier in the season but I wouldn’t dream of commenting on what an acquaintance was wearing not wearing.

I never comment on the clothing choices of another adult. I barely register them to be honest. If it’s obvious someone has made a real effort with their appearance I will usually compliment them. I just do not take that much notice of how people look.

I think your friend OP was rude and unhelpful. It was not as though you could easily change what you had on in any event. At best it was a fatuous unhelpful comment. At worst designed to make you feel a bit shit. You will know which it was.

This.

I think YABU, fair enough that people shouldn't make comments about your weight, but stating that no-one should make comments about clothing and temperature because of your own personal insecurities is going too far. We can't expect the world to guess every possible trigger.

You’re talking about something completely different. An organised walk wearing inappropriate clothing is different - as it could potentially impact the person and the group.

Commenting on someone’s outfit when you’re just out for lunch is not the same thing.

I completely understand as a size 16 woman, when I was a size 10.

I don't like my body. I'd never wear a vest without a cardie. It's only recently that I've started wearing shorts.
Looking back, I would still wear jeans even as a 12!

Ive started wearing shorts now, but I couldn't bring myself to wear a strappy vest.

I left a job after one day because I was so hot and sweaty that I was crying in the toilets. Other women all sorts of sizes up to I'd say 20/22 dressed for the weather.

My insecurities lost me what could gave been a lovely job.

Or you could just not comment on someone’s appearance? If you want to comment on clothes and temperature in general then go for it. But why does that have to be aimed at someone?

The only time I would comment is to say how nice someone looked for example.

Sorry, I meant to add, that all staff said, aren't you hot in those clothes?!

YANBU.

us hijabi girls get asked this ALL the time

It’s so annoying and frustrating though when an outing is ruined or cut short because someone has worn completely inappropriate clothing and then moans because they’re too hot/cold/can’t walk.

And pp who said that people who make these comments aren’t thinking about your self-consciousness are correct. I’ve never been overweight. I’ve never made clothing choices based on trying to hide bits of me, so it just doesn’t occur to me. I’m not trying to be thoughtless or insensitive, it’s just completely outside anything I’ve ever considered. I’ll be brutally honest, I do look at bigger women who are still in thick tights or leggings in 25 degree heat and think, bloody hell, I’d boil in that and I’m not carrying the weight you are, you must be so uncomfortable.

I was going to say similar. My SH scars are very old now but still obvious. I used to hide them with long sleeves all the time and people would make these comments. They made me feel so uncomfortable to the point I was just as worried about what people would think of my long sleeves as I was about my scars! These days I don’t care so much and generally wear short or 3/4 sleeves when it’s hot, but I still wear long sleeves when meeting new people as I worry they’ll judge me negatively straight off the bat. It’s very tiring.

This. I have scars too so stick to long sleeves or sometimes can put concealer on my arm wear my watch up my arm higher and wear some scrunchies round my wrist. But I hate the comments about wearing long sleeves

It’s not something I would say to anyone other than a child.

Where does that comment even go? Oh yes, I’m boiling actually. <whips top off and sits in bra>