Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

I do agree with you that there's no need to comment negatively on someone's choice of clothing - but equally I think most people are just making small talk and aren't thinking about it like you are.

I work outdoors and cover up as I burn easily and have lots of moles so I'm at risk for skin cancer. People always make comments and while I know they don't mean anything by it, it can be really frustrating!

Sounds like a normal conversation to me - I’m often asked if I’m not too cold in winter.

Unless OP secretly stinks because she’s layering up so much, and they’re trying to find a nice way to say so, it’s just a normal discussion between friends IME

Weight has nothing to do with it.

I’m with you op, but from the opposite side. I hate wearing tights, the moment it’s vaguely above freezing I’ll go bare legs - the amount of ‘aren't you cold’ comments I get is insane- I’m an adult who can dress themself!

i assume people are imagining the clothes / lack of clothes on themself and how they would feel, but why say it?!

I feel your pain...some people just can't help themselves. As an overweight teen I wore cardigans in summer to cover my body, I'm not as bothered as I get older but I have hardly any summer clothes at all and it's such a struggle at this time of year.

This definitely bears repeating. I think the exact same thing every time
Even when I was v slim I never wore short skirts/tiny shorts or minuscule vests. Much happier in a light fabric maxi dress and floaty shirt. Beach cover ups are ideal for this actually.

Pop one over a strappy dress and you're good to go. I've never had anyone say "won't you be too hot in that?" I'd think they were an idiot if they did too. 😉

I agree. I find it patronising when people comment on other people's clothing choices like that.

Yeah same. I actually don't understand adults who comment on other people's clothing choices. The only acceptable thing to say is compliment something if you like it, otherwise stay quiet!

Workplace rules excepting of course for managers.

I don't think anyone who says this is linking it to your weight, simply how they'd feel if they wore the same clothing. They are either just curious or they care about your comfort. I think you're projecting your own feelings onto this comment. However, it has made me realise we shouldn't be commenting on people's clothing, in the same way as we shouldn't comment on people's food/portion sizes etc.

There absolutely is a certain type of woman who comments on what overweight women are wearing on hot days.

They know why she is wearing the clothes she has chosen to wear. They are drawing attention to it because they're oh so pleased with their slim figure, vest and short shorts.

I'm sure some people are just making conversation (fucking dull conversation in my books- I never comment on people's choice of clothing unless to say something complimentary), but there are absolutely nasty people who do it to stick the boot in.

Agreed. I’m in my mid-40s. I know how to dress myself appropriately for the prevailing weather conditions.

I had this a few months ago when I met my SIL at the beach for a walk. It was winter time, cold and windy. I was wearing a fleece and without even saying hello she launched into “aren’t you wearing a coat?”. The fleece was perfectly comfortable and appropriate for the weather and planned activity.

Yes. And of course those who are genuinely too insensitive to grasp why pointing at an overweight friend’s clothes on a hot day and exclaiming ‘Poor you! You look absolutely melting!’ is going to cause the other person discomfort.

Absolutely. I was quite overweight in my young teens, and I remember always struggling with what to wear in the summertime. One particularly warm day, I wore a long skirt and a long sleeved top. My delightful older sister said to me “you’re not showing much flesh” and then added “and you’ve plenty of it to show”, in a sneering manner. I’ve never forgotten it, nor the humiliation, and it’s one of many reasons I’m now NC with her.

I think this, to 99% of people it is passing thought or had previous issues with sick of people moaning

If you overthink that is not really anyone else's issue, people can find fault with every comment if they want to think like that

Your issues are yours alone

I'm sure some people are just making conversation (fucking dull conversation in my books- I never comment on people's choice of clothing unless to say something complimentary), but there are absolutely nasty people who do it to stick the boot in.

Absolutely this.

I think some of the responses are being a bit disingenuous tbh - there's no need to say anything negative about anything anyone chooses to wear. So what if you think they'll be too hot or too cold?

There are also medical reasons for people to cover up (like cancer or being at risk of cancer) and those people don't necessarily want to discuss it with anyone else. That's why I cover up (I have atypical mole syndrome which puts me at increased risk) but I don't feel my medical issues are anyone else's business.

I normally lie and just say I'd rather cover up than wear sunscreen but even so, I shouldn't need to explain anything to begin with!

It really isn't a reasonable comment. My daughter gets this all the time. She's a naturally hot person and is on many meds that maker her even hotter. She's a grown woman and knows if she's going to be cold.

So no. As OP says, stop commenting and making people feel like shit. Please.

This.

No they're not. They're making personal comments about another person's choices.

Commenting about the weather is "isn't it lovely".

That depends on the state of your mental health and what affects it.

So people could just not comment on another person's choices.

Would you say "Doesn't that grey top make you look washed out and ill?".

Same inference.

What an ableist remark.

Another ableist comment.

"She's a grown woman and knows if she's going to be cold."

And yet so many grown women can't dress appropriately for the weather.

this. If you are not my mother and its not a compliment then do not comment on my choice of clothing

I should have specified that whilst this was a comment said to me yesterday, it’s also one that’s been said to me my entire life.

It’s incredibly frustrating and I never moan I’m too hot. It’s my burden to bear it I do get too hot.

You get used to the temperature where you live.

After living in Queeensland for a year, I'd be thinking of putting on a sweatshirt if it got below about 18 degrees.

Even now in the UK I look at people in the dead of winter who are just wearing maybe a light gilet over a normal sweater and I wonder how they are not cold, when I'm in a thermal baselayer, thin fleece, thick fleece, big puffa jacket, hat, scarf, gloves and am still freezing.

@StMarieforme What disability is prejudiced by this comment?