Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

IMO to be upset by that is massively oversensitive and I say that as a fat person myself. That barely even qualifies as a personal comment.

But not everyone is dressing for comfort - that's the point people are trying to make, so by making a comment, you're forcing them to lie or dodge the question.

You might say to Jane "Aren't you boiling?" and Jane might be thinking "yes, I am, but I don't want you to see my SH scars" or "yes, but I don't want to talk about how at-risk of skin cancer I am".

This is me too. I wear the same stull all year round.

I always get "are you not cold"

I'm allergic to heat so I'm wearing a t shirt in winter to avoid being covered in hives

I never get that and it’s at least a decade since I exposed my arms or legs outside the bedroom.

Also people just don't think

I used to get "are you not cold? I would be freezing! Do you not have a jacket? Oh you've got a rash on your chest, did you know? It looks bad. Oh you're going red now and that rash looks worse, maybe you should see the doctor. Did you try any medication?" while staring at my rash

Meanwhile I'm getting hotter and more flustered and the more self conscious I get with people staring at me, the more hives I get
I used to come home from the gym in tears

wow way to victim blame!

The post above is a perfect example of why you are not being unreasonable OP.

People who think they know better than you what you should be wearing for the weather are a pain in the arse. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in and if you feel too hot/cold that's your business.

The "right clothing for the weather" police can fuck right off.

People should learn to mind their own business.
You should have told her you were fine and asked if she's been to the doctors about her hot flushes.

Hi @beenoutontheopenroad buy a very light weight low neck bum length poncho. There are some beautiful ones out there - many are beach cover ups You can then wear vest tops under it but keep yourself under cover.

I used to get asked this even as a skinny minny - I don't like too much sun, which gave me an easy response.

One thing is for sure, your friend isn't bothered about your size and is more a orried about your comfort, thats a good thing xxx

But It’s obviously not like that is it? It’s:

I wonder if those clothes are not as hot as they look

i I wonder if Beth doesn’t feel the heat?

I wonder if Beth is wearing her jumper because she doesn’t want to carry it? I’ll mention it and see if she wants to put it in my bag.

Beth really isn’t dressed for the activity/weather we’d planned. Do we need rethink the plan?

bloody hell Beth looks so hot she’s unwell. I’ll see if she wants some water /shade/slower walking.

I’ve got a skin condition which makes me cover up but I’d never take it as anything other than a commentary on how we must feel heat differently or checking I was ok

I have been skinny and then slightly overweight (overweight enough for me to want to hide my body). You get comments either end. Whenever you wear a nice outfit when slim people ask you if you’re cold!

Comments about the weather have nothing at all to do with comments about what a person is wearing.

The fact is, as others on this thread have pointed out, 9 times out of 10 the people making this remark ARE being dicks!

But you can comment on all those situations without making reference to someone's choice of outfit.

It's the kind of comment that should be reserved for toddlers who want to wear a wooly jumper in the middle of a heatwave.
Not something that needs pointing out to adults. It's not a conversation starter either,
"Won't you be hot it that?"
"Yes probably, but this is what I'm wearing"
Or
"No, this is what I'm comfortable in"
Scintillating chat right there.

If the OP really thinks her friend's comment is coming from a position of spite then she needs to challenge her about it, or find new friends.

The OP isn't complaining out loud about being too hot though!

I think Id be annoyed too. I mean presumably you know how to dress yourself and have been doing it by yourself for years!
I mean I wouldnt be annoyed enough to say anything or worry about it....just mildly irritated for a millisecond!!LOL

I used to get similar in exercise classes as I would go bright red when I got out of breath. I totally get why people were asking me if I was ok then....I probably looked like I was about to have a heart attack!!

How?

If we set the scenario that we planned to go for a walk and are meeting at start. It’s really hot outside and I’ve turned up in shorts and a tshirt and they’ve turned up in jeans and a jumper how else are you supposed to say “have you actually checked the weather because you look like you are wearing totally unsuitable clothing and if you insist on that we are going to have to do something else” without commenting on their clothing?

there is nothing rude about asking if someone is comfortable.

Yes some will just be friendly/innocent but there is usually an undercurrent of references to weight, self consciousness, wanting to make themselves feel good by making you feel shit. Don't pretend many women don't have that competitive bitchy streak. Just don't comment, plenty to talk about without making someone feel shite. I've had it at fat times in my life, never get asked when I'm thin and wearing a cardy in summer.
There are very judgemental people around. I know one who is constantly telling his daughter to wear longer coverings on her arms. She's 45 and morbidly obese and loves having her arms out and doesn't listen to him. But he is always making comments about it and other people showing body parts.
People should wear what the fuck they like without comment

I don't think it's intended as witty repartee.

In my younger days I would often cover up with denim jacket or similar because I felt self-conscious. Sometimes a friend would say why don't you take your jacket off, it's lovely and sunny, I'd say God no, you know I hate my arms, they'd roll their eyes and say don't be daft and that would be the end of it.

I couldn't give a monkey's fart about my arms now.

I get you OP. I am overweight. DM has recently lost lots of weight. Nearly every time we see each other, she makes some irritating and unnecessary comment on my clothes.