Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

[beenoutontheopenroad]

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out.

Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”.

If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

I agree with you.
On the summer hating threads there are always posters complaining that they hate summer clothes.

They seem to be unable to get past the idea that summer clothes don't have to be revealing and skimpy.

Loose cotton or linen trousers, a loose long-sleeved cotton shirt, a maxi dress, a cotton midi skirt, sandals- these all cover you up and are much cooler to wear than skinny jeans, trainers and tight T-shirts and jumpers.

And if you are worried about your weight these summer clothes don't make you appear any fatter or thinner than winter clothes.

You’re being ridiculous OP.

People should be able to chat away without having consciously to navigate around non-point, over-sensitivities like this.

(Also fat)

This is why everyone on MN has no friends and think of friends as " drama".

. I realise I sound horrible but I really do not have the time to think about other people's poor body image. I would never comment on their weight, but a harmless comment like this would probably escape my lips. Because friendship shouldn't be such hard work.

I might say that if you were wearing a wool jumper or a very fitted top in heavy material.

But clothes that cover you are not inherently hot, in very hot countries people tend to wear loose clothing that covers their legs and arms, it is cooler.

It only seems to be Northern Europeans who seem to think that it is cooler to wear tiny scaps of clothing in hot sun.

A long flowing dress is far cooler than denim shorts etc, it also allows one to go commando, I have such a dress for gardening, blissfully cool.

Could be a normal question, I sometimes ask "how are you not cold" when my friends go out without a jacket. I genuinely wonder if they just don't feel it or maybe I'm the weird one.

See also "are you not taking an umbrella"?

It’s a dopey, insensitive comment, not an innocuous remark about the weather. It really doesn’t take much to recognise that there are all kinds of quite personal reasons why someone, especially someone overweight, might be quite covered up on a hot day.

I agree with you OP. I've got several areas of my body I need to cover for personal reasons and someone drawing attention to it makes me feel really uncomfortable. It also feels patronising as though I'm not an adult who can decide what's suitable to wear.
I also agree being covered up in long sleeves and long skirt or trousers is a better way to keep cool. People in hot countries aren't usually wearing vest and shorts - it's not practical.

People should only comment on another's outfit if they have something positive to say. I am also overweight and cover my arms. And I bet all the people on here who say ' no one cares' but I do - that's the point!
I don't wear sleeves and then complain about being hot. And if someone says something I could respond that I could be naked and still hot! I mean if it's hot out even the ones in tank tops and shorts complain about it. I also do not comment if I think someone is underdressed - they may run warm and not need another layer. They may like showing off their arms! I may THINK they must be cold, but if they are adults I give them the benefit of believing they made a conscious decision to dress that way and it's not my place to comment. One shouldn't have to defend their sartorial choices.

I am baffled at how much many people overdress in hot weather. How can they do that. Even skinny Africans in Africa walking fast, in puffy coats & wooly hats, when it's blazing sunshine and 28 degrees C. HOWWWwwwwwwww ??

Same here. I am regularly asked whether I am going to be warm enough in things because I tend to run warm and am what other people might consider underdressed in winter. I take it as concern for my wellbeing, it wouldn't occur to me to go looking for some deeper meaning. How do such sensitive people make it through the day?

I actually find it sad that these people are your friends and you can’t actually tell them the truth.
Surely friends would be encouraging, positive if you said you were self conscious about your appearance?

Are these your friends making comments? I don’t understand the sensitivity to be honest. They say “aren’t you hot” and you say “no I’m fine” but then I like my friends.

If you go somewhere in a group it affects others. I resent having to pay for a taxi because someone wore stupid shoes or having to go home early because they didn't bring a jacket.
If someone runs warm or cold they can just explain that.

YANBU. As a very fair skinned Irish person I genuinely have to cover up more in strong sunlight, and I get this same comment a lot.

One of my friends always asks me if I have a brolly. I could take that as a searing indictment of my personality. Dies she think I am top stupid to carry a brolly in the rain?

Or I could do what I usually do: tell her I have a thin Pac- a- Mac in my handbag because I don't like brollies.

You are completely overreacting and thinking about this more than you should. It's a very British thing to comment on, as we are obsessed with the weather, and once it's warm, we then berate it for being too hot. And some people do wear inappropriate clothing, jeans and a long sleeved top in 30+ degrees eg isn't sensible. Loads of overweight people just buy bigger short sleeved T shirts that fit.

I went for a weekend away with someone who didn't want to burn/tan but also wouldn't wear sun cream. This meant heading for the shade in MAY when it wasn't hot. Never again.

It's the kind of think I would think, but I'd never say it to someone!

Really? How far do you want to carry that?

My mum absolutely hated tattoos and my son had got one on his leg. He was too chicken to confess that he'd had it done. On a very hot day he would not wear shorts if he was going to see her .
She and I would see him and he'd be wearing long trousers. She would say " aren't you too hot" I thought the whole thing was hilarious and I couldn't help myself. Once she'd ask him I would then follow up her suggestion by saying " yes you must be dissolving in those etc etc" . He would give me some serious dirty looks.

She never did find out, although there were some very close shaves. On one occasion she popped in to see him unannounced and he opened the door in shorts and had to somehow wedge his leg against the door then quickly ran upstairs to change.. the funny thing is about 2 years ago he decided he'd didn't like the tattoo anymore and got it ( at great expense) lasered off. She died 5 years ago and I like to think that she's looking down saying " well I told you they were awful"

I always think a comment about how you must be too hot or too cold in your clothing is a bit 'you cannot be trusted to dress yourself'.

Why on earth wouldn't another adult be able to judge what clothing they require for the current temperature?

I get what you're saying op. But I think it shows they don't 'see' your weight really, otherwise they'd probably make the connection as to why you chose that top.

I'm mindful of this when I see some colleagues wearing scarves and long tops in the office when it's a million degrees (no aircon) and never comment with this type of thing, although I really want to tell them to fuck it, stick a vest on if you want ffs, be comfortable, anyone with an issue can 🖕

I think there's a lot to be said for accepting that people (even friends) can be variously annoying and irritating; they might put their foot in it and inadvertently say something which can be taken the wrong way and generally aren't mind readers.

Dear God. Pretty soon nobody will say anything to anyone for fear of offending. What a very boring time we are living through (socially).