Would you expect your spouse to say something?

[illingmeoftly]

Spouse A is a step parent to Spouse B's children. They also share DC.

A's parents have come into some money recently and have offered to treat A, B and their shared children to a holiday but have suggested B pays for their older children to go (A's stepchildren).

A's parents don't have much if any relationship with the stepchildren and they are now teens.

A doesn't see the problem and refuses to bring it up with their parents, B thinks it is a problem and they should.

WWYD?

Separate finances aside you could still contribute towards step children coming. I think it’s fine that your parents don’t pay for them but either you pull together to pay for them and you all go or no one goes.
Its not much fun being the excluded step child (been there). I think you should make more of an effort.

Reading all of these I agree with A.

why would grandparents have to financially treat all kids the same. B’s kids aren’t their natural grandkids. It doesn’t mean they don’t like them or respect them, but this is what happens in blended families. They have their own grandparents, and not should A expect gifts etc from the grandparents of the ex-partner. Stuff is expensive, not everything can be funded. Also sounds like the grandparent sill treat their step-GC at Xmas etc.

I do think A & B should jointly fund B’s kids to go though, as A is a huge part of their lives and shouldn’t treat the child’s siblings outwardly all that differently. They’re a family unit. Grandparents are extended family so it’s different.

This is muddied a bit as you have joint children.
i was a step daughter and had step siblings. While we were and still are a close family, it was very much that grandparents stayed close to their biological grandchildren and did token things for step grandchildren. We never thought anything of it and never expected anything from step siblings grandparents.

Personally wouldn't expect anyone to pay for my child even my own parents, let alone my partners parents (not his child)

After seven years A is a CF, he should be helping to ensure the family holiday goes ahead even if B pays the bulk.

Seven years of completely separate finances. A ‘should’ not feel obliged to do any such thing.

My view is that if A thinks anything of B and their children they would want them to be there on the holiday rather than go without not only their step children but B as well, (not to go to their parents expecting them to pay more I am on As side there) but at least help with cost towards their step children coming after all it would be nice for their children to have their siblings on holiday too

And mine is that if B thought anything of A he’d respect the agreement they made, recognize the generosity of the grandparents who have paid for him and his joint children with OP, and not look to pass off the financial responsibility for his children onto anyone else 🤷🏻‍♀️

I assumed A was male to start with , but if B was female people would be expecting her partner to make sure she and her kids got to go, Not asking grandparents I'm on the side of A there, but as a family unit surely A and B should work together for all kids to go, rather than B not go either, I know I would, regardless whether grandparents know the step children be nice for siblings to enjoy time together

Nope, wouldn’t expect anything different were A a stepfather. If others would that’s up to them, doesn’t change my opinion.

As a family unit they have established separate finances. If B thinks it would be nice for the kids then B needs to step up and pay for them.