Would you expect your spouse to say something?

[illingmeoftly]

Spouse A is a step parent to Spouse B's children. They also share DC.

A's parents have come into some money recently and have offered to treat A, B and their shared children to a holiday but have suggested B pays for their older children to go (A's stepchildren).

A's parents don't have much if any relationship with the stepchildren and they are now teens.

A doesn't see the problem and refuses to bring it up with their parents, B thinks it is a problem and they should.

WWYD?

I think it’s unfair.

in our family, everyone is part of the family regardless of being technically a half or step or foster or by marriage etc. Everyone is treated the same and in this situation all kids in that family would be equal.

God I feel sorry for stepchildren.

I really think all you see on here are people doing their best to minimise any relationship with them and treating them differently.

What's the point of it all?

B shouldn't have gotten involved with A in the first place. I bet this isn't the first time B's children have been made to feel like shit.

How are they being made to seem like shit? They are being welcomed on the holiday that A's parents have arranged?

Or maybe B is ranting and raving at home in front of them. In which case B is being an arse and unnecessarily upsetting his(?) children.

Eh?

It's not treating the kids like shit to accept that in blended families, children have different relatives.

These dc do have their own set of grandparents that A's children don't have.

B’s children have their own set of grandparents, B can ask them to chip in.
imho it’s perfectly reasonable for grandparents to focus on their blood related grandchildren while still being kind to the others.

This.

So, which are you, OP? A or B?

B should feel embarrassed to even think he could ask anyone else to cough up for his kids. How does he not feel like a money grabber??

How attached is B to A as A sounds like a bit of an A hole

I don't know why I feel A is stepdad and B (OP) is mother.

Either way both sets of kids have 2 sets of grandparents to treat them. One set shouldn't need 3 sets of grandparents treating them. Honestly grandparents are a bonus and nothing should ever be expected from them. Certainly not financial support or holidays. If they offer, fabulous, but they should not be expected or demanded.

When adult parents form a new relationship , marry and become step parents then they have to take the new spouse and their kids as a job lot.

But why should grandparents? It’s a lot to expect that they pay out for step grandchildren that they had no say in becoming a family with. It adds a big burden to normal grandparenting financial generosity.

This kind of thing can tear a blended family apart.

B is now essentially being guilt tripped into paying for the older kids, but is getting a free hol for themselves and younger Dc.

B needs to accept the grandparents decision and offer, and decide whether to go or not.

It really isn’t fair to expect the grandparents to pay for step kids. Lovely if they do and if rolling in it , but really shouldn’t be r or tex.

I would expect A to suggest to their parents that - rather than the parents paying for a particular holiday priced for them and their biological children only - the parents might like to simply give A a budget to book whatever trip they like, for whomever they want to take along.

Then A & B can still have nice holiday, with ALL their children, for the same price as the presumably more extravagant holiday with only half their children that A's parents seem to be suggesting. And the cost to A's parents would be exactly the same, so it shouldn't be any skin off their nose.

The younger children shouldn’t have to miss out on a holiday with their grandparents.

it’s on B to pay for his/her children if she/he wants them to join. This doesn’t seem to be a situation where A has taken on financial responsibility for their stepchildren (and they don’t have to!), so there isn’t ’a family pot’.

@illingmeoftly so, OP, are you A or B??

I’m on A’s side.

If B wants his children to come he needs to pay up. Finances are separate so of course he would pay for his children. His a parent to all the children and is getting the younger ones fully covered so not costs and even his spot covered.

It should be a huge thank you not a eugh but can you sub my other children too!?

I can’t remember the amount of children but say it’s 2 shared and 2 separate. The parent B is saving their 50% of the costs for the two shared children they would and should pay towards as they are a parent.

Maybe B should look at it that way actually. By A’s parents paying 100% for 2 children they are covering his 50% share and his own airfare and hotel costs. So his saved 50% plus his costs and would normally foot the bill 100% for his own children anyway since finance is separate.

Or she her if op is the man 😅🤣

FWIW I think the OP is B and the mother.

I am A.

Stepchildren live with us 2 days a week. With their mum the rest of the time

Gratitude is appropriate when gifted money.

Asking for more would be grubby and disrespectful.

It's not relevant why you want more. They are offering you a gift. Take it or leave it. With thanks.

Then tell your DH he’s being a CF and your parents are perfectly entitled to treat their grandchildren to a holiday if they want.

Either he stumps up for his children’s fares or he stays home with them.

Yes, this.

Or she could offer to pay half and not expect him to pay for the whole lot of his children's share, or to stay at home on their own.

Your parents are very generous and your DH is being grabby and rude.

I agree with you (parent A).
Your DH can pay for the teens, or stay home with them.

They don’t live with you most of the time, have their own mother and grandparents, and might not even want to come.