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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

207 replies

Footballmum24 · 08/05/2024 23:48

DD 7 has been dropped from her grassroots football team as her coach has 'advised' us she finds another team. She is not the best player on the team but is also not the weakest. DH dared to publicly challenge the coach on unfair playing minutes which resulted in DD being cut off and DD out of the team. This all feels very unfair to me to do this to a child with no real explanation. All season I have watched my daughter endure the shouting from her coach, she visibly shrinks and doesn't play to the best of her ability as she hates being shouted at. Coach only seems to care about winning and not about the children's well-being.
So do I make a formal complaint or just leave with some dignity.
YABU: dignity
YANBU: take him down, he shouldn't be coaching young kids

OP posts:
pinkdays · 08/05/2024 23:53

Look, you must at some level see how this comes across. Sounds like the coach wants rid of you two as parents more than your DD.

OP, you're that parent!

JuiceBoxJuggler · 08/05/2024 23:55

YABU. Sorry.

Littletreefrog · 08/05/2024 23:56

Just go. Find a nice team or something else that DD would like to take part in. Anything you say now will make you look like a crazy football mum.

PuttingDownRoots · 08/05/2024 23:56

If this coah was so bad...why didn't you find a better team ages ago?

skippy67 · 08/05/2024 23:57

YABU.

fieldwindloop · 08/05/2024 23:58

You can make a complaint but it’s honestly unlikely to make much difference. There are a lot of coaches like this unfortunately. It’s not fair that she’s been dropped at this age but your DD is not thriving there and it’s probably for the best that you find her a different/ better club. There are good, positive coaches and clubs out there you just need to find them!

whiteboardking · 09/05/2024 00:04

I'm a very experienced coach of football.
Seriously he's not fit to coach that age. They all at that age play development league where scores aren't recorded & published as it's not allowed. National rule.
All players should get equal playing time to learn how to play football.
He's totally not getting the purpose of leagues at that age.
He's in wrong 'job'
Leave and find a club who do if the right way.
But email the club you leaving to say why

whiteboardking · 09/05/2024 00:08

pinkdays · 08/05/2024 23:53

Look, you must at some level see how this comes across. Sounds like the coach wants rid of you two as parents more than your DD.

OP, you're that parent!

Seriously she's not. The child is 7
In FA accredited football there are very very clear guidelines on how development age football should run. The coach is treating 7 year olds like adult players.
OP you are right that this situation is very wr

whiteboardking · 09/05/2024 00:09

The situation is very wrong and breaks all guidelines re foundation football

RogersOrganismicProcess · 09/05/2024 00:13

Grass roots football, so the coach is a volunteer? I guess one solution would be to
volunteer as a coach yourself to balance out his apparently competitive nature. Like good cop, bad cop. Nurturing coach and competitive coach.

it is a huge commitment though, which is why not many people step up to do it.

Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 09/05/2024 00:16

If the coach scared her find a new team

whiteboardking · 09/05/2024 00:21

At that age the commitment isn't huge. Maybe 1-2 hours a week.
The coach maybe a volunteer but should have done at least the on line training to stop this situation.
It's farcical that 7 year olds are benched to win a game for which scores aren't linked to anything. No league tables etc He's not coaching the kids. He's massaging his ego

trythisforsize · 09/05/2024 00:22

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all and you should definitely make a complaint to the FA.

Coaches should not be yelling at 7 year olds and ruining their confidence. They should also be making sure that all players get fair and equal pitch time at this age. Children should not be dropped from teams at this age unless they persistently don't go to training or don't bother to turn up for matches.

The coach sounds like an A-hole

Budgiegirlbob · 09/05/2024 00:22

Tricky one- yes, the coach should be offering equal playing time to all kids - it’s possibly not always easy/practical to offer exactly the same playing time, but it should be at least roughly equal.

However, this stands out to me “DH dared to publicly challenge the coach on unfair playing minutes which resulted in DD being cut off and DD out of the team”

If your DH publicly challenged the coach, it sounds like relationship between the coach and yourselves has broken down. The coach may not have been fair, but he is a volunteer, and to publicly challenge a volunteer coach seems unreasonable to me. A quiet word to see how things could improve going forward would seem better to me.

whiteboardking · 09/05/2024 00:24

OP move clubs to one that follows the guidelines but do flag your concerns to the welfare officer at this club: we have one like this near me. Girls leave in droves & teams rarely last more than a year. Their culture is all about winning and focus is on selective boys teams from age 6

setmestraightplease · 09/05/2024 01:28

All season I have watched my daughter endure the shouting from her coach, she visibly shrinks and doesn't play to the best of her ability as she hates being shouted at.

In that case I would be asking the coach why he needs to shout, and why he needs to intimidate young players who are keen to play.

I would show my daughter that things can be questioned.

RookieMa · 09/05/2024 01:41

pinkdays · 08/05/2024 23:53

Look, you must at some level see how this comes across. Sounds like the coach wants rid of you two as parents more than your DD.

OP, you're that parent!

Ha ha yes this

They generally coach voluntarily

olympicsrock · 09/05/2024 02:52

Leave quietly but email the club welfare officer

PoopingAllTheWay · 09/05/2024 02:54

Complain and leave - Sport at this age suppose to be fun

WafflingDreamer · 09/05/2024 03:00

I would email the club welfare officer but find a better team. My DD plays under 8's and our coach tries to ensure all the girls have equal time on the pitch.

We played a team recently who only selected their 6 best girls for the match the rest of the team didn't even come to the game. I thought how sad the girls on that team must feel and how will they ever improve if they don't get any playing time.

5475878237NC · 09/05/2024 03:15

There should be a clear difference in children's coaching and this person is behaving as though these are adults.

Leave and complain.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/05/2024 03:17

PuttingDownRoots · 08/05/2024 23:56

If this coah was so bad...why didn't you find a better team ages ago?

This. She doesn't sound happy in the team anyway.

Bobloblaw84 · 09/05/2024 03:19

“All season I have watched my daughter endure the shouting from her coach, she visibly shrinks…”

YABVVU for not addressing this sooner.

ToxicChristmas · 09/05/2024 03:36

Sounds like your DH caused a scene and they want you out. Nothing to do with your DD and all to do the parents. It's a 7 year old child casual football team, was a public confrontation over player times necessary? All sounds very dramatic and "dance moms".
If you didn't like his coaching and your DD was scared you should have removed her and addressed this months ago.
Complain if you feel it is necessary and choose another team or another activity. I don't think you need an explanation- It's very obvious why you've been asked to go.

DyslexicPoster · 09/05/2024 03:56

This is one of the reasons I've never liked football as a kids out of school activity. Too much shouting all round. Idk I'd just leave. I had a couch threaten my son with violence in gymnastics and the owner just gave me a lecture on ruining the couches career. Even when I pointed out its my duty to belive him and report an aligation, she had zero interest in considering it anything but a lie. The more competitive the club, the less they care about the child. My next son went to non competitive gym and there was never any issues. In the case of gymnastics, forcing girls to stay tiny and eat next to nothing starts somewhere, like the adult owners who got successful by eating nothing but a tin of Sweetcorn a day and being shouted out and threatened.

The couch won't ponder on the comments.