AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

[Footballmum24]

DD 7 has been dropped from her grassroots football team as her coach has 'advised' us she finds another team. She is not the best player on the team but is also not the weakest. DH dared to publicly challenge the coach on unfair playing minutes which resulted in DD being cut off and DD out of the team. This all feels very unfair to me to do this to a child with no real explanation. All season I have watched my daughter endure the shouting from her coach, she visibly shrinks and doesn't play to the best of her ability as she hates being shouted at. Coach only seems to care about winning and not about the children's well-being.
So do I make a formal complaint or just leave with some dignity.
YABU: dignity
YANBU: take him down, he shouldn't be coaching young kids

This is bang on.

@Truthtalker does your DC play at grassroots level?
I only ask as you say they want to progress but normally by 11 they are already signed to an Academy if they have the ability.
My DS was signed by his professional team before he was 11 and after that there were very few new players that didn't come from another academy team.
And professional academy's in Scotland at least, take a very dim view on shouting, either coaches or parents. The first night my DS signed we were told that if a parent shouts from the sidelines their son is taken off.

It was also very clear that coaches coach, they are paid to, not parents
Op I'd def complain about the sharing of emails, that really isn't on at all

I’m just stunned that 40% think it’s acceptable to shout at a volunteer coach who is doing his/her best to run a decent sports team in their spare time. If the coach is not fit for purpose, please raise with the club secretary, chair or safeguarding officer. Talking down them a peg or two as you put it in public is wrong.
Ive seen angry parents shouting at coaches and the same ones will scream abuse at a 17 year old referee. Yet ask for volunteers for anything and no-one puts up their hands.
Rugby have a better framework where abuse is not tolerated, the referee decision is final, the parents must stay and help out with jobs.
But we can improve football if we use the club system and whistleblowing policy (every club has one).

The worst part of kids football is the parents.
My husband coaches and he’s damned if does damned if he doesn’t.
They criticise if we lose heavily, they criticise if we’re winning and have to swap players for weaker ones (to make sure equal playing time) and then lose the game, he’s criticised if they don’t swap players. He’s criticised for everything. Not to mention parents coaching from the sidelines giving opposite instructions to the coaches.

He’s a volunteer who’s coaching under 10s ffs.

It sounds to me that the coach has had enough of the parents rather than the player. My DH is on the verge of telling a few of our parents to find another team if they’re unhappy.

"Can you imagine a SPL or EPL player being pish they won't get game time and why should they"

That's the point. Kids' football isn't the Premier League 🤦‍♀️

You sound like one of those parents who knows all the rules, but has no idea what kids' football is really about.

Just because you're a volunteer does NOT mean you can flout GDPR law, shout at children and ruin their confidence.

You do get terrible volunteers. I had to get rid of one that was clearly a safeguarding risk to children. Being a volunteer does not make you a saint and absolve you from crap, illegal or dangerous behaviour.

You may be surprised but some people volunteer purely because they enjoy the power trip of being in charge of children, some even volunteer to get near to children for sexual gratification reasons.

Volunteer does not equal good person.

You really need to take the sharing of information regarding a child’s mental health further. Coaching kids sport (I coach rugby) is about so much more than the vanishingly minute chance of a child making it to professional level. As a club we work closely with a mental health charity at all levels and really try to promote the positives of being part of a team at whatever level throughout your life. Seeing the kids encouraging the less able players is one of the best bits of coaching imho.

Move on. Find something that builds your child confidence feather than dissolves it.

Il be glad if he doesn't end up like Phil foden 🤣🤣🤣 there's far better out there.

If your child becomes scared when someone shouts says more about you than anything

And our grassroots isn't with FA il assume your English.

I've read conducts.
I've argued with knobheads who think their sons are the next Messi 🤣🤣🤣 who try Diss other kids on the park. Even the shit ones.

All this football is about fun no its not... its a competitive sports if your child goes out and goes its OK its the taken part that counts...mate they deserve to be on the bench...

Messi didn't go into the world Cup going its fine if we lose its the taken part that counts.. have yerself on if you think that's the mentality they have.

And we have had no issues with any ref so I couldn't comment on that.

The teams log their results. It may not be on a league table yet but they do keep scores there are numerous grassroots football teams out there who upload to fb everywhere saying who they have played and what the final results were. So it's noted and discussed at training sessions.

And I know what the CWO is for we have had to use it as one of the coaches resulted to swearing at the kids now that I don't agree with... shouting yes its natural how do you expect the kids to hear from other end of the pitch.

Completely agree with this as it develops the kids to understand the game. I always said to our DC when your on the bench you watch, you learn the oppositions play and you talk with the coaches that way when you go on your prepared. I would love to say 11v11 coaches can't scream across the pitch but unfortunately they can and do and some in our league are horrendous I especially hate when they scream "come one we have this your way better than this bunch they are pathetic they can't play" just because we have scored and they haven't.
I do think that some coaches because of this also teach players to be disrespectful in games being in 11v11 I have seen some really dirty tackles and tactics with coaches and parents encouraging it and when one really dirty tackle took out one of our players the parents and coach were shouting " just like that keep doing it" and " don't hover around come away they aren't your team mate you dont need to concern yourself with their injury" that was one lovely coach after the wipe out by the player he was screaming the words at from a two footed tackle to the chest.
My DC loves their saturday club but their saturday club coach has really knocked his confidence this season has never shown praise at all or positive encouragement. That isn't to say I don't agree with some of the things he has said just not the way he has said it and how he has lumped all in the same category when they have it has not always been all on the pitch who have not been doing as told, which is why it's been a very very tough decision for our DC to leave and it has solely been their decision we would have supported him staying if that had been what they wanted as it is what ever they feels is best for them

DH dared to publicly challenge the coach

What form did this take?
You say publicly challenge.
This might be a quiet word in the vicinity of others.
Or it might be screaming and shouting, with obscenities, across the pitch whilst game was in play.

So, how close to one of those options was the challenge, in reality?

All season I have watched my daughter endure the shouting from her coach, she visibly shrinks…

What have you done regarding this throughout the season?

Messi is an adult playing professional football. What we are talking about here is children playing grassroots football.

Your attitude is everything that is wrong with youth football today.

As you are in Scotland, here you go:

https://www.scottishfa.co.uk/media/11198/scottish-fa-young-players-share-their-views-report-2023.pdf

You might want to see page 12 and the reasons why children play football - look at the top answer. Pages 23 to 25 are all direct quotes from Scottish children.

@Truthtalker is right though. It's a competitive sport. The whole point is to win.

My DH is a grassroots coach and he has to make tough decisions sometimes on the team, parents don't always like it however, if you've got weaker players, who just want to be there for 'fun', the other members of the team get frustrated because 90% of them are there because they want to play competitively.

And the teams do log the results - these might not be shared publicly but DH has to do a match report and send scores to the league and club after every match. Everyone in the league know where they are in the league...there's a cup final, the scores matter.

@CandiedPrincess if he is doing that for U7’s to U12’s then he obviously didn’t listen to anything he was taught on his coaching courses.

YABU
Every football team has its way, some are hugely competitive and full of players wanting to succeed, get scouted etc and some are kids are just want to play. The key is to find the right team for you DD, one think I do know is that having a go at your coach is never ever ever going to make things better, they are volunteers, they are doing what they think is right for the whole team, not just your DD.
I’ve seen many a parent cause unnecessary trouble for their kids by kicking off when they should just keep quiet.
simple answer is that if you don’t like the way the team is run, find one that suits you better.

It doesn't sound like your daughter has much fun in this team - I'd have moved her before this.

@CandiedPrincess U7-11 is classed as non competition development footy. Kids should play different positions to learn. They are allowed one cup competition to run along side the league but there are no points & league tables. FA rules nationally,
The league may take the scores to group equal teams accordingly but nothing more. Only cup games have scores that count.
It's set like that specifically to stop coaches just playing to win at foundation states.
U12 up is competition football

Exactly what I said. They are sent to the league.

Regardless, I have three sons and I have never met a boy playing in a football league at any age that doesn't want to win. No matter what the FA say about kids not carrying about winning. Sure there may be some but the majority of them play competitively to win their game, regardless of age.

I’m a welfare officer and licensed coach for a grassroots club. Firstly it’s grassroots football. At this level and age it should be about kids loving the game and inclusive. Players should get an equal playing time. The coach should not have a “win at all costs” approach and it sounds as though the “winning” has become more important to the coach than the girls loving the game.

unfortunately it’s something I’ve seen happen commonly and I’ve had to have conversations with coaches that have asked if they can “drop a kid who isn’t good enough”. We remind them of our club ethos and encourage them to coach the players that they feel aren’t as strong to help them improve rather than just sit them on the sidelines.

Coaches are all volunteers and it’s not just the hour or 2 for training and the match that coaches have to spend their time on. It’s the time spent before training or matches setting up, planning training sessions, sending texts to parents to check they have the match details and who’s free to play and whether they have enough players. It’s making sure they have an official to referee the game. The endless texts from parents that aren’t happy with a decision made or that the team didn’t win a game. Taking qualifications needed and CPD training to develop further.
on top of this there’s safeguarding or disciplinary issues that have to be dealt with. It’s a thankless task at times.

I think if your husband publicly called out the coach in front of others on game time this is unreasonable. This should have been done on one to one basis in private.

i can see all sides. I’ve been the Mum where the kid is only getting trotted out for 5 mins at the end of the match as he’s not a strong player, I’ve been the coach and the welfare officer.

As others have suggested it would be better to just leave but maybe email the welfare officer to voice your concerns. Some
coaches are brilliant and some just want their team to win at all costs but unless the club is aware they can’t challenge the coach on the conduct

I hope this doesn’t put DD off playing and I hope you find a new team she’s happy playing for

Unfortunately it sounds the perfect storm of
Your child not fitting in with the team
The football volunteer wanting a wining team
You and your husband being " those parents "

Just pull her and find a more suitable team for her

I’m just stunned that 40% think it’s acceptable to shout at a volunteer coach who is doing his/her best to run a decent sports team in their spare time. If the coach is not fit for purpose, please raise with the club secretary, chair or safeguarding officer. Talking down them a peg or two as you put it in public is wrong.

Or maybe volunteer to put yourself out there and train, in your own time, to be a coach if you're such a good judge of skill.

I an wondering if the parents wanting to 'take the coach down a peg are two' are the same arrogant fools who proudly declared that they 'had their child's school by the balls'?

I think if your husband publicly called out the coach in front of others on game time this is unreasonable. This should have been done on one to one basis in private.
I thought this initially too. I had imagined that the OP's DH was berating the Coach on the side of the pitch in front of the kids and I said that even if the complaint was justifiable two wrongs don't make a right.
However, the OP has since clarified that the comments were made in an end of season meeting between the coach and parents which probably isn't an unreasonable forum in which to raise concerns. I don't think there's much point in holding such meetings if you're not going to take feedback and you need to be prepared for it not all to be positive.

I’d complain and leave, this is basically an extra curricular volunteer overstepping and behaving inappropriately.