AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

[Footballmum24]

DD 7 has been dropped from her grassroots football team as her coach has 'advised' us she finds another team. She is not the best player on the team but is also not the weakest. DH dared to publicly challenge the coach on unfair playing minutes which resulted in DD being cut off and DD out of the team. This all feels very unfair to me to do this to a child with no real explanation. All season I have watched my daughter endure the shouting from her coach, she visibly shrinks and doesn't play to the best of her ability as she hates being shouted at. Coach only seems to care about winning and not about the children's well-being.
So do I make a formal complaint or just leave with some dignity.
YABU: dignity
YANBU: take him down, he shouldn't be coaching young kids

I don't know enough about the rules, to know where it states that all players must have equal match time. At what age? Until when?
I Had this with ds1, years ago. A bit older say 15, he was just getting no match time at all so quit. It's hard, but it is competitive, most coaches will play their best players, because they want to win.

Is/does the coach shout at her specifically- in which case surely you'd want to change to another team. If that's the general way the whole team is treated and you don't like it, then it sounds like you should leave. If you feel your child is not being played 'fairly' then it sounds like you should find a new team. All up seems leaving/ being asked to leave is the best thing for your daughter.

You say your daughter visually shrinks. She's 7? To be honest I think yabu to not pull her out of the club ages ago. Find her another club or sport where she flourish's, not shrinks.

coach wants rid of you 2 not particularly your DD

Why have you put up with an adult shouting at a 7 year old? Why do you need the Internet to tell you thats absolutely not on for one week never mind all season

Find another team, though the 'win at all costs mentality' is all too common. Unfortunately, far too many coaches from all age groups act like they expect to get the England call up!
I view it that when the club pays the players, they get to choose the 'best' and when you pay subs, you all get equal minutes. It doesn't matter if you are 7 or 57.
We wonder why so many drop out of sports. This mentality encourages dropout, not engagement.

Make a formal complaint then find another team. Why would you want your daughter to be in a team where "she visibily shrinks and doesn't play to her ability"? They are 7 years old!! It should be fun for them.

Sounds like both your husband and the coach are taking it far too seriously and now you’re stirring it up. Poor kid. Just move on.

Surely if the coach was that bad, you wouldn’t want your child in his team anymore so I would find another team. If he shouts, and makes your DD shrieks and scared then you should definitely make a complaint, you won’t be the only one that has noticed that behaviour.
Either way, challenging a coach in public is definitely not on, your dh should have spoken to him privately.

Didn't vote because you and your DH wouldn't know "dignity" if it was a ball that kicked you in the nuts, and any performative parent suggesting taking a coach down a peg or two for suggesting Junior perhaps isn't the next Messi is so far away from "reasonable" that it makes Maradona's hand of God look legit.

Remove the kid for the sake of everyone else on the team and the coach, and your child who us undoubtedly mortified by your ridiculous embarrassing behaviour.

Then learn how to keep your beaks out.

The other parents will heave a huge sigh of relief.

Find a different team. If you give your location, I’m sure and MNer can recommend one which is run according to FA rules and which is nurturing and fair. I know locally which clubs are like this - it’s very clear every year at trials, where we get an influx of girls from one particular club.

No point having a row with the coach, you won’t change his mind. Do tell the club why you’re leaving, though.

Do you need your morning coffee? What a strangely OTT response to a mild situation, do you know the OP?

Votitng isn't compulsory, you don't need to submit a reason for not clicking

I was about to suggest this. Email the welfare officer. This is either bad practice or abuse, depending on how nasty the shouting actually is.

Also get your child out of there and find a team that believes in positive coaching.

My DH used to coach DDs team along with another dad. They were both volunteers and I didn't recall either of them shouting at any of the kids. They were 8 when he started and he coached for 3 years.
Even when they had to tell the kids off, as they did go through a stage of not listening, they still didn't shout at them.
Having said that I would just leave because I doubt anything will happen if you complain. It's a huge commitment which you don't get paid for and then you get shit from parents (not saying this was you).
If your DH felt so strongly why didn't he offer to help out as he might have found out how difficult it is to ensure everyone gets equal play time every game?

If what you say is true, why expose your child to a bully? I've noticed a tendency in some parents not to want to back down or give because they see it as losing / someone else winning. But there is such a thing as a Pyrrhic victory.

How do you think the coach will treat your daughter in the future if you make him back down?

How are you interpreting shouting
if he’s coaching from the sidelines 40 foot away them he will have to shout

Oh @Footballmum24 you are those parents. It's not your daughter, it's you. Stop taking children's hobby sport so seriously.

This. You at parents are at greater fault being more concerned about her playing time I've never cone across the mumsnet football coaches though, most are volunteers who have their hearts in the right place.

Coach should definitely not be ‘shouting’ all season (unless, of course, he is shouting encouragement!) and playing time should be roughly equal but not down to comparing minutes. It’s a fine balance to manage parental expectation alongside the needs of the girls on the pitch and a parent being hostile about minutes played or their child’s ability can make things extremely awkward. Most coaches are volunteers and do it because they love the game, most parents understand this but some definitely don’t realise the work that goes in behind the scenes. Definitely speak to the clubs welfare officer and they will check that FA guidelines are being followed.

If the atmosphere is so bad, why have you stayed all season? How do the other parents feel? Do they agree or just roll their eyes at you and DH being critical? Most importantly, how does your daughter feel? Does she enjoy playing matches or would she rather just go training until she builds her confidence? You’ve mentioned that she doesn’t play to her ‘ability’, what are your expectations there? Does she feel like she’s letting you down by not feeling confident in a game?

Clearly the relationship between you and the coach has broken down, maybe a fresh start is needed rather than dwelling on something that you say has been an unhappy experience for your daughter. The club welfare officer will investigate and if change is required it will happen.

I have been around youth football for a very long time as a parent and as a volunteer (not coaching) and there are indeed a very small number of poor coaches out there who only want the win and have forgotten it’s about fun. However, there are also a lot of parents who ruin their child’s enthusiasm by being aggressively competitive or believing their child is ‘better’ than their team mates or being abusive to the coach. Grassroots is about enjoyment of football at every level and if your child isn’t happy then moving on, even if it wasn’t your decision, is the right thing to do.

He sounds like a bit of a dick but if you've stood by and watched him behave like this all season, why are you only just wanting to make a complaint now? It will just look like sour grapes!
Publicly outing a coach for anything is likely to get the child kicked out of the team, regardless of ability.

Kids on a football team don't get equal play time in matches. That's just how it is. And coaches shout. If you want her to join another team you need to adjust your expectations before you take her!

I’d be very upset to see my 7 year old shouted at and humiliated publicly and wouldn’t have allowed her to tolerate it more than the once.
Take her out immediately, not because she’s not good enough but because he’s a bully and shouldn’t be around children.
Send a letter of complaint by all means but be prepared for your complaint to fall on deaf ears.

At primary school age kids should all be getting a chance to play. Some shouting is inevitable if you’re on a field, but it should be guidance and encouragement, not abusive. I’d leave but write to the club chair explaining why.

Your language use and timing make me suspicious. There are definitely questionable coaches out there, and your daughter’s coach may be one of them, but why didn’t you protect her ages ago if she was shrinking from the coaching style, scared, etc.? Why is it only an issue now once she has been cut?

is this really about child protection or are you just seeking vengeance because the coach wouldn’t put up with parental nonsense and whining?

in my experience as a parent of a player the coaches do a good job at rotating players up to u13 so they all get to play. Some do get sidelined for not showing up to practice or not playing fairly or not being a team player but generally everyone gets equal time.

there are always the parents though who yell and carry on at the coach thinking they can do a better job but I never see these sorts of parents help out or making a positive impact on the team.

is your need for retribution so great that you need to ruin it for all the other children on the team? What sort of person does that make you?

I don't understand why you haven't pulled her already, with the impact you mention on your daughter.
Anyhow, there will be a club welfare officer, so report your worries- in writing to them.
Find a new, nice coach.