AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

[Footballmum24]

DD 7 has been dropped from her grassroots football team as her coach has 'advised' us she finds another team. She is not the best player on the team but is also not the weakest. DH dared to publicly challenge the coach on unfair playing minutes which resulted in DD being cut off and DD out of the team. This all feels very unfair to me to do this to a child with no real explanation. All season I have watched my daughter endure the shouting from her coach, she visibly shrinks and doesn't play to the best of her ability as she hates being shouted at. Coach only seems to care about winning and not about the children's well-being.
So do I make a formal complaint or just leave with some dignity.
YABU: dignity
YANBU: take him down, he shouldn't be coaching young kids

can she try rugby?

This is a difficult one I can see your point of view but also With the managers it’s all about the winning that’s all they care about and take it far too seriously and so do most of the parents which in the end produces entitled kids.
Hate it when you travel for 40 minutes then your child gets on for ten minutes,

I think this is good advice. Haven't come across competitive coaches in the under 7s, but my boys have played teams in under 8s who played dirty and swore at them. Most of the coaches we've come across are good, but there's a small minority that just shouldn't be coaching kids. If my kid ended up with a coach that yelled and scared them I would have talked to the club to find another team for them to join long ago. Also if my kid was scared Id be focused on that, rather than a lack of game time.

Find a team more suited to her. However you and your husband need to look at your own attitude and behaviour.

Not sure why you’ve kept her in the team until now.
Leave quietly and try rugby. Very fair playing time up until under 14s. Often to the detriment of matches but there’s no record kept of the scores anyway.

Just go and find a team more suitable for her. Your child 'visibly shrinks' because the coach shouts at her, but you're only thinking this is a problem now she's been kicked out of the team? Sounds like you are just looking to cause an issue for this person.

Complain.
Bringing him down a peg or two is extreme language, and is probably why not enough people volunteer for such positions. He really shouldn't be shouting at kids so young though, and you should have intervened earlier, not just because she got dropped, so for that you are both a little unreasonable.

If a complaint is warranted, make a complaint.

But your language and the way you describe it is so combatitive. You weren’t concerned about your DD’s feelings until she was dropped and your DH ‘dared to publicly challenge’. You talk about your ‘dignity’ or should you ‘take him down’, ‘take him down a peg or two’ - it’s so much about your status.

Would you be complaining and ‘taking him down a peg or two’ if she had been getting maximum playing minutes? Even though she hates being shouted at?

Or is it revenge?

As the mum of a DS who played in a pro academy, buckle in. Youth football brings out the worse in parents.

There are comments on here from existing coaches, so I won't comment on the actual coaching. But I have to say your whole post and the language you use come across as very confrontational. "Taking someone down a peg or two" had my back up straightaway.

By all means advocate for your DD, that's your job as a parent, but publicly calling out someone (probably an unpaid volunteer) is not nice.

Maybe you are part of the problem and, if so, you run the risk of being a blight on your daughter's activities and in the end she may not want you there.

Depends on ethos of your club. U7 is non competitive but some clubs have a more ‘winning’ mentality. I have one child who would thrive in those environment and one that wouldn’t. My children teams do reasonable playing time. One (u12 so competitive) always plays the full match and one usually plays about half sometimes more if he is playing well.

Why have you sat back and let your child endure being shouted at when you’ve seen the negative impact it’s had?

What did your DH hope to achieve by ‘daring’ to publicly confront the coach? He should have raised this privately in a more outcome focused way. It is likely they sidelined your child to encourage you to leave as public confrontation isn’t fair on the coach, children or even other parents and is likely against your clubs code of conduct.

The whole attitude of wanting to bring a volunteer down a peg or two isn’t great. Wanting to safeguard children from poor practice I could understand but it just sounds like your feelings are hurt and you are responding to that.

The vibe I'm getting from a few posters is that because the coach is likely a volunteer then everyone should just ignore the shouting at kids lol. My brother coaches kids football but he manages to do it without being an arsehole and will actually listen to parents concerns about anything and is generally encouraging towards all the kids, yes it can get competitive but not to the point where any of the kids "shrink" because of how he is talking/shouting at them. Loving the replies where the posters are "oh so concerned about your wording" lol "take him down a peg or two" just who do you think you are lol. Everyone loves being on their high horse on here and no doubt I will be getting quoted with a stern response with this post lol maybe even taken down a peg or two lol it gets daft on here

It's this for me.
You were going to keep her there (and still would have by the sounds of it) had you not been asked to find a new club. Sounds like your complaint is based more on vengeance seeking than actual concern. Your DH also chose to publicly addesss the pitch time rather than the fact your child physically recoils from the coach and is terrified.

My brother coaches kids football but he manages to do it without being an arsehole and will actually listen to parents concerns about anything and is generally encouraging towards all the kids, yes it can get competitive but not to the point where any of the kids "shrink" because of how he is talking/shouting at them

That’s great. To be fair, the majority of coaches are good people who care about the kids on their team, and will listen to parents concerns - although this doesn’t necessarily mean they will act on them - it depends if the concern is reasonable.

But what is not ok is for a parent to publicly challenge a decision. Sure, come and have a quiet chat about any concerns, but your brother (or any other volunteer coach) should not have to accept parents criticising them from the sidelines, or ‘taking them down a peg or two’. Most coaches are only doing their best (and of course have different levels of ability/experience) and some parents can be very pushy, or have a very inflated opinion of their child’s ability. No matter what a coach does, it’s usually wrong in someone’s eyes! I know this from experience - my DH was a coach for 8 years, and I often went along to help. Some of the behaviour from parents on the sidelines was truly appalling.

With regard to shouting, no coach should be shouting (past the fact that they may have to raise their voice to be heard from a distance). But if it’s that bad, why has the OP let her DD be scared for a whole season? Surely they should have raised this, or left, a long time ago?

I don’t understand why you would watch your daughter be unhappy all season. You should have moved teams ages ago.

Also why did your DH publicly challenge? Why didn’t he just have a quiet word in private?

In any sport with young children one of the priorities should be to encourage them to stay in the sport. Stay, build confidence and enjoy it so much they look forward to attending.
It is similar with adult novices in some sports.

You won't be able to take him down a peg or two. He is the one with all the power here. Nothing you do will make any positive difference for your daughter. Only negative. Just move on to somewhere new and tell your husband to stop interfering in games.

why would you leave your daughter with a shouty coach - find another team

It would be a cold day in hell before someone shouted at my dd once in my presence, I'd certainly not put up with it for a season, where have you been?

I collected dd early from dance once to find the instructor shouting at the kids, dd never went back. It almost seems as though you're happy for her to be shouted at provided she gets playing time?

You need to step up and teach your dd about standards and boundaries.

What @deeprealisation said. Fair play to your husband for challenging this ‘coach’. They clearly have little understanding of how grass roots football works. Equal minutes for all is the rule. Nothing wrong with wanting that to be adhered to.

I've voted YABU only because I think you'll be wasting your time / ink / breath because a man like that will never change his mind or change based on what you say.

I think he’s wanting rid of you, the parents.

Run away from this team as fast as your little girls legs can run. IME there is a special breed of coach/parent who live vicariously through their team/child.

You lost me me at publicly challenged/coach/shouting/Shrinking

Take a step back and evaluate who all this angst is for - it's not your DD. Don't fall into the trap of being those parents. Just vote with your feet.

I don't think "being a volunteer" is much of an excuse for intimidating small children.