DD going for a weekend away with a man she barely knows!

[Wholivesinanapple]

DD is 22, she lives in London, in her last year of uni (just doing exams now), she’s very confident and impossible to convince that anything is a bad idea.

DD has been on 2 dates with a guy who is 32, not massively a fan of this but they to convince DD it’s a bad idea would push her further in, either way not the issue.
Issue is she’s going to Paris with him for 3 nights in a month! Apparently he was able to get tickets to the French open women’s final and DD well she doesn’t hate tennis and goes through phases of it being her preferred sport.
I’ll bite my tongue on the age situation but surely it’s never ever a good idea to go to an unfamiliar city for 3 nights with someone you hardly know?
He could be abusive or anything!

DD thinks it will be fine, and obviously they will go on more dates between now and then so I should just “chill”

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

Leave her to it. A romantic weekend in Paris, what’s not to like?

I’d give her some credit to know if it was a good idea or not.

If it’s a disaster she can just get her own hotel/come home.

its pretty common to go on an early relationship trip! I know I did with my now husband. Good way to get to know someone. There’s not much he could do negative wise he couldn’t do in this country.

She is an adult, what you are going to do? Sounds like a fun weekend, lucky her
”unfamiliar city” - it’s Paris not somewhere in the middle of the rain forest. I assume she has a smart phone, credit cards and managed ok so far in London. There are flights and trains multiple times a day if she hates it.

It’s just a train rider away and Paris is quite civilised really. 🤔

Meh! I can’t get over worried about this. I think I went on weekend trips reasonably early in all of my serious relationships. I’d be wishing her well and hoping she has a wonderful time.

You need to mind your own business and butt out.

She’s a grown woman she lives on her own and she doesn’t even need to tell you her dating situation or travel plans, you’re being very overbearing.

Leave her to it. It’s fine and quite a normal thing to do at that age. Why would it be dangerous? Is she not used to travelling?

It's Paris not Baghdad. She can just come home if he's a twat. And it's a month away so she will know him more by then. I got engaged after three months and I've been married twenty four years now.

I can understand your concerns.
But the opportunity to go to the French Open - and particularly the women's final -is brilliant.
So there is a specific reason for the trip and the chance for your DD to get to know the guy better before it actually takes places. If anything arises about him to worry her about his behavior before the trip happens she can always pull out.

Paris is not a difficult city for a Londoner to get around.
She needs enough money to be able to buy a train ticket home at short notice, and a list of emergency numbers.
It’s definitely a good idea for her to see him more between now and then and bail if he’s an arsehole.
You’re right that jumping straight into a weekend away with a very new bf is taking a risk. But going to a city that’s very well connected with your home city is arguably much safer than say, a country cottage weekend where he’s driving.

Blimey op leave her to it

I can see your concern but she's an adult. Time to make her own choices and mistakes.

I'd not even comment it's a bad idea. Just wow that sounds fun/romantic/some other enthusiastic description. To be honest i did a weekend away woth my now DH when we'd only known each other a few weeks.

Then leave it with her as you're only a text or phone call away if she needs any thing at all, or a moan about anything. Leave the door open and remind her of that. Then of somegoes wrong she'll be more likely to contact you.

Going away with someone is a great way to test how compatible you are and whether the relationship is worth spending time on going forward. Just make sure she has a credit card that she can get herself a flight home/hotel room etc if she needs to and tell her if she does have to use it you will pay it off so you know she can 'escape' if necessary.

It's barely a far flung destination it's quicker to get to Paris from London than it is for me to travel to London from my home in the UK.

Shes an adult living relatively independently, age didn't have to tell you. Ensure she gives someone the name of the hotel etc and other good practice travel information. If it doesn't go how she wants it to then she can get another hotel room or come home early.

It's hard but we have to let them grow up. Not the back of beyond Paris. I went away with dp after 4 dates

She's not going to a remote cabin in the middle of the Darién gap, it's Paris, she could be home on a train in no time if it goes tits up.

It’s none of your business.

The standard MN reply when a mother of a young adult expresses a bit of concern about their child's actions!

It's absolutely normal dating behaviour. A few dates, then a weekend away. And Paris is a normal destination.

I would worry too if she was mine it seems far too early to be spontaneous for my liking, all you can do Is pretend to "chill" about it and say if it's a rubbish weekend just come home it's good she's in London she can get a direct train back

Nothing you can do. If he’s going to be abusive he can do it here as well.
Going away with men early on is usually a pretty bad idea for a variety of reasons. Too much too soon. It’ll likely fizzle the relationship out which is what you want so I’d see it as a win. Also he may well be lying, promising her a weekend away in Paris to get her into bed, it won’t materialise and he may well disappear. Has she met him online or in person?

I went to Bruges with my now sons dad after two dates!

we had our second date in a Belgian bar and we just spontaneously booked a trip for that weekend there and then! It’s the fun of being young and relatively flexible! Leave her to it to have fun

Yeah I get you, I’m paranoid and the age difference would make me feel quite weirded out by him. Honestly I’d make my DD repeat the french police number to me and make sure I have the address of where she’s going. It is most likely just a romantic weekend away but it feels a bit like love bombing.

But it’s not a concerning action. She is an adult going on a short break with another adult. Unless there is a massive backstory then no reason to get involved. DD is living in London so presumably is a capable adult with full capacity.