DD going for a weekend away with a man she barely knows!

[Wholivesinanapple]

DD is 22, she lives in London, in her last year of uni (just doing exams now), she’s very confident and impossible to convince that anything is a bad idea.

DD has been on 2 dates with a guy who is 32, not massively a fan of this but they to convince DD it’s a bad idea would push her further in, either way not the issue.
Issue is she’s going to Paris with him for 3 nights in a month! Apparently he was able to get tickets to the French open women’s final and DD well she doesn’t hate tennis and goes through phases of it being her preferred sport.
I’ll bite my tongue on the age situation but surely it’s never ever a good idea to go to an unfamiliar city for 3 nights with someone you hardly know?
He could be abusive or anything!

DD thinks it will be fine, and obviously they will go on more dates between now and then so I should just “chill”

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

I wasn’t much older when I went to Portugal for a week with a guy I’d met twice. We’ve been married 15 years now.

She lives in London and you're worried about her going to Paris? As others have said, it's not somewhere remote, it's another capital city. Chill and recommend she brushes up her French as Parisians can be very snotty if you don't speak any French!

I’m the mum of 2 DD - 32 and 29, who are well-adjusted, independent women. I would not be worried about either of them going to Paris with someone, but would certainly be concerned about how quickly the situation seems to have evolved. Your DD and this chap may know each other better by the time they leave on the trip, but the first thing that came to mind when I read your post is the true story of Sophie Hayes - a book called Trafficked. Parenting adults is far more stressful than children!

Drop the apron strings or u’ll find she won’t bother telling u anything.

I mean this gently but you sound like my mother, whom I went no contact with for 2 years because she could not accept that I am an adult and can make my own decisions which may be different to her choices and opinions. She could not understand that what seems unreasonable or odd to her is actually acceptable to today’s standards, she also could not cope with me making a mistake ever! It’s how we learn!

Let’s be realistic here, they’re going to have sex together just tell her to make sure he uses a condom ( or a femdom) and let them sort it out themselves. It’ll work or it won’t.

My 20 yo daughter just did three nights in Barcelona with a guy she only met a month ago. It didn't even occur to me that I should be concerned. I remember being that age and I'm glad she's grabbing life with both hands and enjoying it. You can be too.

I really shouldn't have watched 'TAKEN'. On a serious note, I completely understand your concern. I didn't go to Paris, but I learned the hard way not to be so naïve. I was very young for my age and not really familiar with the opposite sex, so that was my big mistake. These days everyone is so promiscuous, so as long as she expects him to want sex, everything should be fine. There always seems a price to pay.... Or have things changed I wonder.

I get your concerns BUT I’d leave her to it and let her figure it out for herself. If you discourage her she’ll only want to do the opposite. Chances are it will either work out well or it’ll run it’s course if they’re not compatible. I went away with someone for a week and as others have said...it was a slap in the face and made me realise he wasn’t for me let alone ever want to live him

Of course, 22 is adult - but I think I made some bad decisions and that age, and I'm sure other people have as well. I think people tend to be a little less wary at that stage of life. Perhaps in some ways it is a good thing but it can also be risky.

Having said that, I don't think there is much you can do about it, and anyway it is very unlikely that his motives are suspect. They are, after all, going primarily to watch the tennis.

Of course, the safety of a daughter or son is a mum's "business". It is natural, I think, to be concerned about a person's safety. That is not to say that a parent should necessarily voice those concerns or try to persuade their son/daughter not to do something.

Everyone is promiscuous? She should expect him to want sex and pay the price? You do realise that women want intimacy with a hot new boyfriend too? Or is that being ‘promiscuous’?

These days everyone is so promiscuous, so as long as she expects him to want sex, everything should be fine

There’s also a strong chance that she wants sex. I did, at 22.

I went away with (now) DH when I was 23 to Italy and had only been seeing him a month. I didn't really know him at all. It's a good way to get to know someone! We went for a week, would have been pretty awkward if we hadn't got on.

We have been married 20 years this year, though we waited until I was 28 to get married as 23 felt a bit young. But we have been together 25 years. We moved in together about three months after that holiday.

The time for discussing contraception with your child is long before the age of 22. I'm sure 22 year olds know about condoms.

Always good to mention contraception and safe sex no matter if you’ve discussed it before. It can be done in a light hearted manner.

I generally dated older guys at that age. I think it sounds fab and I'd have done similar at that age.
Don't nag, just tell her if anything happens or she needs any help or even isn't enjoying herself as much as she thought she would you're just at the other end of the phone to help.

I was 22 and went on holiday with now-dh about 6 weeks after we met (I was still living at home). He’s a bit older - was working etc. I’d just finished uni.

Omg spot on @HesterRoon !!!!

I disagree that it is "always good" . It could come across as quite patronising and inappropriate. As an adult, I certainly don't discuss contraception with my mother. Do you?

Of course she expects him to want sex and she will want sex too. It’s normal!

Price to pay? Probably more sex; which is a good thing.

Not wanting sex is also normal fyi

Nor for most people when they go away with someone! She’s not going to go to bed with an ankle length flannelette nightie and a book is she 😇?

😂😂😂