DD going for a weekend away with a man she barely knows!

[Wholivesinanapple]

DD is 22, she lives in London, in her last year of uni (just doing exams now), she’s very confident and impossible to convince that anything is a bad idea.

DD has been on 2 dates with a guy who is 32, not massively a fan of this but they to convince DD it’s a bad idea would push her further in, either way not the issue.
Issue is she’s going to Paris with him for 3 nights in a month! Apparently he was able to get tickets to the French open women’s final and DD well she doesn’t hate tennis and goes through phases of it being her preferred sport.
I’ll bite my tongue on the age situation but surely it’s never ever a good idea to go to an unfamiliar city for 3 nights with someone you hardly know?
He could be abusive or anything!

DD thinks it will be fine, and obviously they will go on more dates between now and then so I should just “chill”

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

I would imagine most 22 year olds with a partner are having sex. It's no big deal. I owned a house lived with partner and had a child at that that age.

My DS worked and travelled round Europe last summer. He was 19. This year he's headed to Thailand. I encourage this behaviour.

Absolutely a good idea for women to talk about safe sex. Nothing wrong with a parent discussing this with their kids at any age.

@ButterCrackers you'd have those discussions with your daughter many years earlier though? Do parents talk about safe sex for every relationship their adult child has? What age would it stop?

My friend's brother married his wife three weeks after meeting her. They're still together over 30 years later.

But is your issue that she hardly knows him, or that he's ten years her senior?

I find it hard to understand your point- Are you saying that there should be one discussion moment on safe sex and then it’s never mentioned again? I think that it’s usual to discuss safe sex at all ages - even for older people going to a new relationship. In that case the adult kids could remind their parent about avoiding STDs.

I’m actually finding it hard to understand your point. Do you think people forget about safe sex with every new relationship they go into? My mum would think I was insane if I ‘reminded’ her about avoiding STDs… why would she have forgotten?!

It most certainly is not. This is the UK not America. Land of you can learn to drive at 15, have to wait until you are in your 20's to drink alcohol but can go to prison because she is 16 and he is 19.

So even when it is perfectly legal your lame argument is it is 'only one year off'. Why don't we take away the licences from pubs serving 18 year olds, after all they are one year away from being underage drinkers.

Your comment reminds me of one on Facebook a while back. Some guy arguing that his 22 year old daughter is still a kid. He had stopped several guys from seeing her who he deemed were pervs because they were in their late 20's.

Legal is legal. Be she 90 and he 18 or vica versa.

The reason for the rise in STDs is that some people do forget or feel pressured or don’t think it applies because the other person seems ok. The reason this post got me thing about safe sex is that the OP’s daughter is in a new relationship and barely knows him. I’d say the same to a friend in that I’d remind them to check on the sexual health of a new partner and protect themselves. It doesn’t have to be a heavy discussion just a lightweight comment is enough.

Ok fine. Legal is legal is a defence that will keep you out of prison but I still think it’s morally questionable. There will be a natural power imbalance, and for a 34 year old to be attracted to an 18 year old is creepy.

I suspect most mothers of daughters on here here would not be happy if their 18 year old was dating a 34 year old man.

It is clearly the age thing. Would she have any issue if they were both 22...maybe some reservations, but they wouldn't have commented on here. If the age was not any form of issue they wouldn't have mentioned it at all rather than slipping it into their comment more than once.

Nothing wrong with morals. Our old neighbour was 16 and he was 35. I was 16 too. I fancied her but me and my mates couldn't compete with his flash car and wads of 50 pound notes. Was he a creep...they were together a while, over 5 years. He dumped her for someone older than him. She was in her 60's!

True many mothers would not like 18 v 34. But 22 v 32 is what the op objects to. I said to someone else here there was a father on Facebook who referred to his 22 year old daughter as a kid and had stopped her going out with guys in their late 20's. Unfortuntely some don't think there should be any age difference between the sexes, if there is, there is some kind of perverted issue going on particularly if the guy is older, even if it is a couple of years and they are both fully grown adults.

I understand your concern but don’t think the age difference is too bad. I was 23 when I met my now husband and he was 31. That was 28 years ago and now the 8 years difference hardly notices (apart from he retires soon!). At 22 I certainly knew my own mind re partners.

She's a big girl now. Maybe you wouldn't do it but there appears to be no good reason why your daughter shouldn't do it. Unless we are not being told something.

How long has she actually known him for? Have they chatted lots through messages etc?

It's in a month's time so a few more weeks of getting to know one another.

Paris isn't far.

Is it any different to her going on holiday to magaluf and having one night stands?

Age isn't an issue - I'd rather my daughter be with someone 10 years older when she's 22 (note 22 - she's a fully grown adult not a 16 year old child) rather than an immature 19/20 year old - but then I'm married to someone 16 years older than me.

When I was 21 I only had a few dates with a guy before going for a weekend away.
It's now 18yrs later and we're married with 2 kids.

Paris isn't far, it won't be tough to make her way home if things go sideways.

I hope you're able to offer support if she needs it and encourage her to be safe and have a good time.

sorry what is wrong with the age difference? There’s 12 years between my husband and I, I was only a couple of years older than your daughter when we met, we went on a weekend away on our second date. We’ve been married for 6 years now and have 2 sons and we are still very happy and have created a beautiful family, my dad and my husband are best mates. Remember woman are a lot more mature than men at a younger age. If she’s comfortable with it then I would trust her. And definitely don’t say anything, you should be happy for her, it’s sounds like a great experience, even if it doesn’t work out it doesn’t matter, she will have enjoyed exploring somewhere new.

I meant to add that I think it would be easier to figure out a way home from Paris than a random rural retreat in the UK.

I was 21 when I met my husband. He was 32.. I moved in within 6 weeks. Been together 30 years and happily married for 25 this year

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

It's a few days in Paris, not backpacking across Colombia. I'm sure that at 22 she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself if anything goes wrong.

I went away with my now DH after a few weeks of casual dates, that was 14 years ago, it helped us to get to know each other properly without parents etc around as we both still lived at home, I was 24 so not much older than your DD. Let her go and experience Paris. If anything does go wrong it's easy to get a train home.

Have you watched Netflix’s Longest First Date?

I'm mildly offended for the OPs daughter that many are assuming he just wants sex, and not that she's capable of being an interesting adult woman who can who can hold intelligent conversation that will attract him.

bostonchamps · Today 19:52
I'm mildly offended for the OPs daughter that many are assuming he just wants sex, and not that she's capable of being an interesting adult woman who can who can hold intelligent conversation that will attract him”

Hear, hear. As mentioned earlier, my now husband of 35 years and I did exactly this for our second date.
We didn’t physically cement our relationship until many weeks later, when I took him away for a surprise weekend.

My daughter married her husband 88 days after meeting him. We're now five years and three children in. Nothing I could have said would have made any difference.

I have a pre-pay credit card and can grant access to or share certain "jars" of money I keep on it to other people. So both my kids (18 and 21) have a card linked to mine and an "emergency jar" each on my card. This means when they do stuff I know is a terrible idea I say nothing except "you have your emergency jar if you need it" but also means I am notified if they do use the jar and where they used it, to ensure no emergency late night PlayStations are purchased. If one of them was going to Paris with an older guy I'd stick a bit more in the jar until they got back just in case.