DD going for a weekend away with a man she barely knows!

[Wholivesinanapple]

DD is 22, she lives in London, in her last year of uni (just doing exams now), she’s very confident and impossible to convince that anything is a bad idea.

DD has been on 2 dates with a guy who is 32, not massively a fan of this but they to convince DD it’s a bad idea would push her further in, either way not the issue.
Issue is she’s going to Paris with him for 3 nights in a month! Apparently he was able to get tickets to the French open women’s final and DD well she doesn’t hate tennis and goes through phases of it being her preferred sport.
I’ll bite my tongue on the age situation but surely it’s never ever a good idea to go to an unfamiliar city for 3 nights with someone you hardly know?
He could be abusive or anything!

DD thinks it will be fine, and obviously they will go on more dates between now and then so I should just “chill”

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

Absolutely agree op.
The dating bar is in hell at the moment, and there are some absolutely twats out there. She’ll be stuck in a foreign country with him

"a country where she doesn't speak the language"

FFS😂It's Paris. She's literally 2 hours from London. Oh and pretty much everyone in Paris speaks English to some level.

And what difference does it make what he does for a living?! My mum barely even knew the names of casual boyfriends in my 20s, never mind what jobs they did! Once we were a "couple" I would introduce them to my mum and she would ask the polite questions but before that she wasn't really interested as I was just young and having fun - which it sounds like what your daughter is trying to do! What job would he have to do to make you feel "ok" with this??

Seriously OP you need to chill out and not worry. They've been on 2 dates and he wants to take her to Paris for a couple of days to watch the tennis (probably trying to impress her!). I'm really struggling to see an issue here.

Your DD is obviously excited - please don't dampen her fun by being overbearing and invasive. Just let her enjoy herself.

What the fuck does it matter whether you or your daughter understands his job title? It’s not somehow going to be more dangerous because she hasn’t seen a print-out of his job description.

a country where she doesn’t speak the language

She’s going to Paris. It’s a train journey away from London and it’s one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world. Pretty much everyone she could possibly need to talk to will speak fluent English. You’re talking about this as if she’s off to rural Azerbaijan or something.

If my parents had fussed and fretted like this over something so completely non-adventurous as a weekend in Paris, I think I would have gone insane.

I couldn't get excited about this OP. She has been an adult for quite a while and no doubt knows what she wants.
Presumably she has a credit card and can get herself home should the need arise?

😂😂😂

It's 2 hours on a train and everyone speaks English. He's not taking her (a grown woman) to Outer Mongolia.

A foreign country that is easier and quicker to return to London from than it would be if she was going to, say, Manchester or Leeds.

This is why young adults stop telling their parents what they're doing.

Agreed! OP I hope you’re not sucking all the joy out of this for your daughter.

Good grief it's France not Outer Mongolia!!! 😂 Unless there's some back story/ drip feed that she SEN or in other ways special needs I think she'll be able to negotiate her way around at an international event in an international city that is very close to home.

Honestly, as PP's have said, she doesn't need to share any of this with you, she's an adult, stop thinking of her as 12 years old or she's going to start resenting it.

OP I think you need to get out more.

This sounds fine, OP. I think you are overreacting.

I think chill too, it's far more likely that she'll have a lovely romantic weekend than anything bad happening, and on the plus side there's nothing like 3 nights away with somebody to make you find out what their bad points are! She might decide he's not the one if they don't have a good time.
Just make sure you know where she's staying and when she's expected home and that she has cash or an emergency credit card she can use if she needs to get herself home or book a different hotel

It’s no different to them spending the night together in this country, really, and I assume they’ve done that (or will be before they go). Paris is pretty civilised! If something goes drastically wrong and she doesn’t want to stay with him, she can book herself into another hotel (there are a lot of them in Paris!).

I wouldn’t go away anywhere with someone I’d known for such a short time.
And yes, it’s is close and easy, but have you never had a situation that’s occurred, and felt so far away, I have, and being in another country feels further

None of what you’ve said means that it’s a bad idea to go. It’s far more likely that they’ll have a lovely, romantic weekend than for anything bad to happen.

Why should you stay at home and not experience or try things just because ‘a situation’ might occur. There’s hundreds of hotels in Paris she can walk into and book another room if she needs to.

If it makes you feel any better, last year my 17 year old niece went travelling around Europe for the summer, did 3 nights in a hostel, claimed she hadn't slept a wink and would go home if she had to spend another night in a hostel. No fear though as she met a South African lad who had no plans for his travels and was happy to do whatever, he was 21 fwiw. She used thousands of pounds to stay in either private hostel rooms or hotels with this lad. I know they slept together as her period was late and she panicked.
Either way in the August they both parted ways, according to my niece they exclusively communicate through acknowledging instagram stories and comments!
Now that is terrifying ... I think my sister would rather she went to Paris for 3 nights!

YABU to be worried but YABVU to poke your nose in. She is an adult and obviously intelligent so just smile and nod.

22 year old me would’ve loved to be swept off to Paris by a new lover. And that was well before phones! Ask her to stick you on Find My Friends so you know her location and wish her a great time.

Leave her to it. Surely if there are red flags between now and then, she won’t go. She is 22 and living in a big city by herself so is presumably sensible/streetwise enough.
Paris is only a train ride away - she’s not at the other end of the world.

Also she’s 22 and still tells her mother what she’s getting up to and who with - she doesn’t sound like the kind of person you need to worry about!!

I think people are being vile on this thread. Even if you’d shagged your way around the world when you were young, most people don’t really like the thought of their own daughters having sex with someone they don’t really know and going far from home. Far too many men are abusive and some downright dangerous. We know this. The op is entitled to be worried. She’s not saying she’s going to do anything about that worry.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Picturing this man ringing the OP from Paris to ask if she consents

@Wholivesinanapple

Well, she is an adult and gets to make her own decisions. If you feel she's capable of recognizing a 'bad situation' and getting away from it I'm sure she'll be fine. And there's not much you can do about her going, she'll just be resentful.

What I would do would be to be sure that she has enough money in her account for one night's accommodation somewhere and to get herself home if need should arise. And that if there is anything that needs to be done to be sure her cellphone is 'ready' for international calls, I'd do that too. I haven't had to deal with making international calls, but I seem to remember that at one time when my son was traveling internationally he had to 'do something' so calls didn't cost and arm and a leg. Not sure if that's even still a 'thing'.

You’re probably right, but I’ve had too many bad experiences to not think this way.
I’m probably over fearful, but I would never take the risk with someone I don’t know well