DD going for a weekend away with a man she barely knows!

[Wholivesinanapple]

DD is 22, she lives in London, in her last year of uni (just doing exams now), she’s very confident and impossible to convince that anything is a bad idea.

DD has been on 2 dates with a guy who is 32, not massively a fan of this but they to convince DD it’s a bad idea would push her further in, either way not the issue.
Issue is she’s going to Paris with him for 3 nights in a month! Apparently he was able to get tickets to the French open women’s final and DD well she doesn’t hate tennis and goes through phases of it being her preferred sport.
I’ll bite my tongue on the age situation but surely it’s never ever a good idea to go to an unfamiliar city for 3 nights with someone you hardly know?
He could be abusive or anything!

DD thinks it will be fine, and obviously they will go on more dates between now and then so I should just “chill”

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

For those saying he'll expect sex...If I went to Paris with a hot guy for 3 nights and didn't shag him I'd be very disappointed !

Sorry not point of thread !!

OP just confirm she's is OK for money/cards and let her enjoy herself.

Fuck it's paris not outer Mongolia. It's closer than parts of the uk to london!

I have a 22 year old dd so I know the worry op. But I went to Paris with a 29 year old when I was 19 and my mother disapproved. It was fine. The age gap (my immaturity) put a bucket of water over the whole thing but young women need to experience these things to work out who they are and what they want. Steal yourself and make sure she texts you regularly 💐

I once flew to Dubai with a man I'd been on 3 dates with. We spent 3 nights there.

That was in 2010 - we're still together and have been married for 8 years!

I hope that’s a typo and you mean if they are both fine with this because it’s really none of the OPs business.

Bloody hell, she's 22 years old. It's none of your business.

Huh? Don't understand the issue. It's a weekend in Paris, not a month in Colombia.

Did the same as her, except the age gap was 14 years and it was a weekend in Rome, not Paris. My parents didn't even know, because that's hardly their business. Although they would have minded.

As for 'sex is expected', well of course it's expected, they're dating, not bible-studying. Sex is a normal part of that. They probs shagged already. I know I did before our holiday. And we BOTH expected sex, as it's..you know, an enjoyable activity for both parties, not some chore or a 'payment'. It was a hot guy in a glorious Roman hotel and not a grandad in Skegness situation. The man in the OP is 32, not 70.

He could turn abusive in London just as well as Paris, what's the difference. Have some money for the ticket and off you go, if that turns out to be the case.

Massive overreaction.

There's nothing dangerous about going somewhere with a man who likes tennis, except the risk of being dangerously bored.

Jokes aside, I'm not sure why the age gap is apparently a big disadvantage. She'd be far more likely to get into trouble with another 22 year old who is in a partying reckless phase of life and doesn't have the money to support it.

I moved to France age 22 with a weeks notice, no money and no idea what I was doing really except the offer of a part time job! Some of the situations I got into that year were not ideal but I loved every second and learnt so much.

I'm sure she'll be fine and can judge situations for herself at 22.

If he is a random she met on the internet then I would be a little nervous. If she knows people who know him then I wouldn’t be worried.

Paris isn’t more dangerous than the UK and it is easy to get back. It could be awkward if one of them gets the ick part way through the weekend. A risk if they don’t know each other well.

I'm sure I've read this before, or something very similar. It'll be fine. It's Paris, not Peru.

how are you going to make a 22 year old do ANYTHING?

I completely understand why you’d be worried but they’ll get to know each other a bit more in the meantime.

But I would perhaps give her/encourage her to get a burner phone with your number and the local police number on, the numbers written down on a piece of paper and some extra cash.
Sounds extreme but perhaps ask her for the hotel name too.

There is not much he can do that he couldn’t do in the Uk and so I would let her have a good time and trust her judgement.

I am so worried about my DD growing up and having to deal with these things.
There are so many bad men in the world that it’s hard not to feel worried.

You are bound to worry but she is an adult and as long as she knows what to do in an emergency then she’ll be fine.

14 years ago, I went on a 4 night trip to Dublin with a man I had been dating for only a month. I was a similar age to your daughter and he was older.

We had an amazing time and 14 years on, we are married, have our own house and a wonderful 10 year old son.

No regrets at all 🙂

If you daughter has been on a couple of dates with him and is confident, I'm sure she will be fine.

Just double check she knows what to do/where to go if she does need any help, which she likely won't.

The age gap isnt that huge. There's 16 years between me and DP. I met him when I was 23. We've now been together for 25 years.

Let it be OP. Your DD is an adult and has to make her own choices - hopefully she'll have a great time and if not then she knows she can come home to you

If she doesn’t get worrying vibes from him then she needs to be able to enjoy the exciting early stages of a relationship.

When I was 18 I went to Paris for a week with a gorgeous American guy I’d just met - I didn’t even know his surname! But it was exciting and romantic and the start of a 2 year relationship.

and I’ve been living with my DH since our 3rd date! Sometimes things which are kind of crazy just feel like the right thing to do.

Oh OP, I completely agree with you. Clearly no one on here has seen the film Taken, as that is set in Paris!! YANBU!

Let her go. She is a fully grown adult. 🙄🙄🙄

Probably because it's true.

She’s 22 you’ve said if you push she’ll go further in so you can’t do anything. I’ve been married to my husband 15 years and together 26 years and I still don’t know what he does in his job. Let her go. Have fun. If it works out, it works out, if it doesn’t then just be there for her.

Butt out she's an adult In her position I'd simply not have told Given your reaction she won't ever again !

Paris is not a problem it's a civilised enough city; the age difference is not a problem, in my experience and your 22 yr DD is not a cause for nervousness (especially as she has lived independently in London for 3 years). However, you are not unreasonable in your thoughts about the the relatively new date. Thankfully, you may still have some days/weeks to gen up on the man, if the DD can share even the basic outlines. As parents, we always have instinctive worries about the "unknowns" whether its a DD or a DS. It'd be unnatural to feel otherwise!!

Except it’s almost 50% of her life. Would you say 10 years isn’t massive if he were 20 and she were 10? How about 22 and 12? Maybe 26 and 16? Yes, the older it gets, the less creepy it becomes - but realistically a 10 year gap is better when both parties are over the age of 25 as a bare minimum purely because of the break development!

Speaking as someone who was 21 when she got together with her 33 year boyfriend and ended up married to him before he turned into an emotionally abusive AH, I totally get it OP. Your brain isn’t fully developed until you are around 25. He is in a completely different life stage to her. When he was leaving secondary school, she had barely started primary school.

Looking back I can really see the grooming, the way my own personal experiences were basically used to suck me into what felt safe. Why isn’t a 32 year old man dating a woman his own age? Because they can recognise his bullshit I’m guessing.

I don’t know what to suggest OP. The weekend away would not be my concern at all. It would be the man himself purely because of my own experience, and other women’s experiences I have read about online. You’ll get thousands of posts on here about how great their age gap relationship is…. But how many of them may have been groomed and still not see that? How many won’t post through fear of the onslaught from people who say “she’s an adult, she can make her own choices” (she absolutely can - just as OP can worry she’s made the wrong choice). Maybe just make sure she knows you are always there if she needs an escape.

Oh wow, I met my now husband when I was 22 and he was 32. We definitely went on weekends away early on and moved in together after 6 months. Still married 28 years later!
Honestly at 22 I was an adult (just left uni), my parents wouldn’t ever have dreamed of butting in.. as I would not now with my 21 year old DS!

You are giving examples of where a ten year old age gap would mean an adult was dating a child so not the same thing at all. People are always quoting here that brains aren't fully developed until 25 but there is variation. I was certainly an adult at 22 as was my eldest DD. I'm sorry that your DH was abusive and manipulative but that can happen regardless of an age gap.

I went to Paris for a weekend on my own, met a lovely Parisian guy whilst there and dated him for about 4/5 months after!