DD going for a weekend away with a man she barely knows!

[Wholivesinanapple]

DD is 22, she lives in London, in her last year of uni (just doing exams now), she’s very confident and impossible to convince that anything is a bad idea.

DD has been on 2 dates with a guy who is 32, not massively a fan of this but they to convince DD it’s a bad idea would push her further in, either way not the issue.
Issue is she’s going to Paris with him for 3 nights in a month! Apparently he was able to get tickets to the French open women’s final and DD well she doesn’t hate tennis and goes through phases of it being her preferred sport.
I’ll bite my tongue on the age situation but surely it’s never ever a good idea to go to an unfamiliar city for 3 nights with someone you hardly know?
He could be abusive or anything!

DD thinks it will be fine, and obviously they will go on more dates between now and then so I should just “chill”

AIBU thinking this is dangerous and not a great idea?

I don't really think it's any more risky than her staying over at his overnight or visa versa.

She's getting to know him. It's not a first date. Paris isn't far if she changes her mind and wants to come home.

I'd just make sure she has enough funds to be able to book herself a hotel room or travel home independently, if for any reason, she felt she didn't want to be with him.

I hope you didn't say anything to her OP because she won't tell you next time. I think you should respect her decision. Even if it doesn't 'work out' it doesn't mean she made a wrong decision, she is an adult enjoying herself with another adult, it's not your place to comment or express concern.

My mother was a bit overprotective when I was younger, so I got really good at hiding what I was doing and then when was an adult I openly flaunted my risk taking. I was an independent adult so there was little she could do. If she trusted me I probably would have been more open with her.

She's an adult. Leave her to it!

@Ladyzfactor me too..this kind of shit is why I left home and never went back.

This sounds romantic and exciting to be honest, especially at 22. There’s no point saying anything about being cautious to her!

Did exactly this on a second date. 35 years on, we’re very happily married with children and a grandchild. He is 6 years older than me.

Sometimes, you just both know.

She has been on two dates with him in the uk. Why would a third date in Paris be less safe? I don't think the fact he is 10 years older is a big deal either unless she is immature for her age.

Not quite the same as my nana I think had known him longer, but at 18 or 19 she went to Paris with her then boyfriend.

This was in late 1920s maybe early 1930s. She flew in a tiny plane, had a great time and sent her relatives postcards from the Eiffel Tower to shock them! Sadly it didn’t last due to class differences but she had a great time.

Your DD will be fine OP, you could send her a small guide book on Paris and some money for emergencies/fun if you’re concerned.

I don't see how this is any more risky than any other dating situation - Paris isn't exactly a million miles away and the absolute worst that would happen is she has to spring for a Eurostar ticket to get back to England if it all goes pear shaped. she's young, and an older, presumably a bit more financially secure, man is offering to take her to Paris? It's a tale as old as time.

The only issue would be if she felt pressured to go or to stay with him because he's paying but even then, that could happen at home in respect of dinner etc. You have to hope you've instilled sufficient self confidence in her that she knows her own worth.

I was backpacking round the world at this age. She's not a baby anymore OP, this sounds like a normal guy in a relationship trying to impress his girlfriend

I did something similar at the same age. Greek guy from uni, randomly asked me to fly over to Athens while I was on holiday in Ayia Napa so I buggered off for a couple of days then flew back again to re-join my friends. Carefree days!!

If someone bought me tickets to the French open I’d be there like a shot

let her get on with it and just be on the other side of the phone if it goes pear shaped. Which it might. Or might not.

Jesus from the title I thought you were going to say she was 15! When I was 21 I upped and went travelling for a year with a lad I had known for 6 months and all of his mates 😂I had an inheritance from a Grandparent and a rubbish job so just thought it was then or never. The best year of my life!

And no I imagine my parents weren't best pleased but I had been working full time for 5 years, living on my own for a year (well, in a houseshare) and pretty much independent, certainly financially.

Also, when I was 17 I booked a holiday to a Greek island with my best mates on our meagre wages and savings (I'd just turned 18 when we flew!). Again, not a hit with the parents but another brilliant trip.

20-somethings these days seem to be babied so much?!?!

You seem to hate this man on sight. He is 32 - why is THAT in itself a reason for you 'not to be happy'.
My main concern would be ensuring that the French Open tickets are genuine and that he isn't just trying to lure her abroad. She needs to keep her passport and credit card on her at all times, phone charged, just as she would on any other trip.

I met DH when i was 17 (He just turnedb 19 though, no big age gap). He lived 4h away. So every weekend I would take the train to see him and stay there for the weekend.
I think youre overreacting.

How did she met him? Does she know where he lives/ works?
A mutual friend of a friend she met on a party recently is one thing, someone she’s met on a train and saw only on these 2 dates is a different story. I would be a bit more worried if the latter.
I would focus on safety back up plan with her, not about him personally but generally. They may have a row, he might get into trouble because of drinking, he might have problems with his passport, their bags might be stolen etc etc So it’s always better for your DD to be prepared to self sufficiency in an emergency: your phone number on a piece of paper, extra cash somewhere, code word for a trouble and in exchange you promise to cover her tickets/send her money if something.
All this preparations won’t harm anyone, they are advisable even if she goes on a work trip on her own. The only difference is that she shouldn’t mention them to the guy. At least because if it’s a start of a great love story you don’t want to get the wrong impression on your future son in law.
Is it her first weekend away with a guy? If yes, it’s absolutely normal for you to worry.

She's 22 and a student.

He's, what, 10 years older and, if he's telling the truth, has the contacts/money to get tickets for a major sports event and the money for travel to and accommodation in a very expensive city.

I'm calling sugar daddy. If so, I hope she understands what such transactions involve.

I would be a bit concerned in your shoes as well but I would just make sure she knew how to extract herself from any situations she felt uncomfortable with and make sure she could leave if she wanted to.
I have told my DC that how ever old they are or wherever they are if its an emergency I will get them home (and then give them a bollocking if its their own fault).
The problem is that if you tell her its a bad idea and it does go wrong she may not feel she can ask you for help if she needs it
She will probably have a great time even if Mr Agegap isnt the man of her dreams and if not just have Liam Neeson on speed dial

Yes, its the power gap here that would concern me not the age gap as such.

She's 22 so doesn't need your permission to do anything as an adult.

You need to learn to mind your business.

Of course you are worried. Everyone worries about their kids whatever their age. It's called parenthood.
I'm willing to bet all these pp's who have waved away your concerns would feel the same about their 22 year old daughter going to Paris with a man she barely knows.
However.......she is an adult and can do what every she wishes. As others say, Paris is not a million miles away and if she decides he is an arse she can come home. Chances are she will have a great time . The relationship may or may not last but a weekend in Paris is a good way to find out whether you like the person or not x

I would also be concerned in your position OP, but I am also the woman who at about thd same age, spent a weekend away with a man I met in a nightclub and had a few phonecalls with simply because I found him massively sexy. Needless to say we never saw each other again (and the sex wasn't that great either) 😂

At 22 she's an adult OP so I think you can offer advice if requested but otherwise you'll have to bite your tongue.

You and I have wildly different views of spontaneity if you think planning something a month away is spontaneous. Christ!

If he was a student of same age would you also still be concerned that he might be abusive?
I mean students meet up, live and travel with people of both semester that they barely know all the time.
I spent 2 weeks travelling round France and Spain with two guys I met on a train.

I mean he might be....but most guys really aren't and if he was a psychopath really the early days are probably the safest in that respect. It's too late for him to be anonymous.....if he was planning on something criminal then he would be caught right away as everyone knows they are going to Paris together.
And it's too early for him to have coercive control so if he was going to turn out that way right now he will still be trying to impress her.