Am I being mugged off by DP

[Maccaj78]

I have been with my DP for 14 Years which have not been easy. He has always been difficult unless he is getting what's he wants. He has never worked and I do each month he takes my wages and then tells me what I am allowed to have and then I practically have to beg for it. I earn good money yet he always insists we have none. My money pays all bills and food and he says he doesn't have anything yet there are always online packages arriving. He screams if I ask when he got them as he got them with his own money lol!! The other I questioned this again and he told me to get out of his house (which I pay for) knowing I have no where to go and that I have only just handed him my wages. I then looked into an old email of mine that he is using and found hundreds of online receipts from DH Gate and eBay as he constantly tells me he never gets anything. He just told me they were things he sent back.. lies because his wardrobe (which I rarely go in) is full of brand new clothes in packets he told he just likes stuff. He wears the same thing everyday!! He said I'm ungrateful for the thing I have and greedy and don't want to buy him anything.
AIBU for thinking I'm being used and mugged off

You are being financially abused! You shouldn’t have to ask for your own wages! He’s abusive and you need to leave him

Well, yes. Obviously. You are in a terrible, incredibly abusive relationship. It’s impossible that you could have written that and not know that you’re in a terrible, incredibly abusive relationship.

It makes absolutely no sense that anyone would accept what you’ve described. Why are you?

Please please let this bottom feeder only be your boyfriend (he is certainly not a partner in life), please tell me you aren't married?

You need to leave him and leave him now, it doesn't matter that you have just handed over your months wage, there will be another pay packet in a month (and many workplaces may offer emergency loans).

If the place you are living in is in your name kick him out, if it's in his name then leave as he won't be able to afford to stay there anyway.

He's abusing you.

Hello OP. It is hard to believe that this is real, because it is serious financial abuse. It is worrying that you don't recognise it, which could mean he also emotionally abuses you. Please, please, please speak to a professional at Women's Aid to gain some perspective on this. You are 100% being financially abused.

You actually have the upper hand financially if you could find a way to leave him. He is a very nasty abuser.

YABU for only realising this after 14 years. Again why is the bar so bloody low.

What am I reading;? Why are you handing your wages over to him?

has never worked and I do each month he takes my wages and then tells me what I am allowed to have and then I practically have to beg for it.

why do you put up with this? tell him to get lost.
Who owns/is on the tenancy for the property where you live?

OP do you have somewhere to go, a nearby friend or family member? You earn the money, take the next pay packet and run. Give notice on your rental property and go, you earn money, you can find somewhere else even if it’s a studio flat for a while as you get back on your feet.

Your ‘partner’ is an abusive freeloader and you need to get as far away as you can!

You are being financially abused.
First thing first, go to your employer and change the account your money goes in that you only have access to.
Secondly, what’s your housing situation? Rent, mortgage, own outright.
You say dp. Is he? It’s harder if he’s your h.

This cannot be real. If this is real… get some
help. Seriously, this is so unbelievable. You give him your wages? Why? Fourteen years and he has never worked and you’re still with him? Give him notice to leave them change the locks and put his stuff outside.
And get help.

So why doesn’t he work?

You need to start keeping the money you earn, if it's done by bank transfer, contact your employer and change bank details immediately, or set up a new bank account he doesn't have access to, have everything transferred into that.
Leave him, he's abusing you

He's never worked in 14 years?! And how is he getting his hands on all of your wages? No wonder he isnt working, you're doing it for him. Don't give him another penny either kick him out or you go, don't stay with this man. He is financially abusing you.

Give up....seriously?!

What have I just read?

WTF?

So you're the one working? You're the one earning? Just stop handing him your wages. It's that simple. Secure all your financial accounts, change all your cards in case he has copies, change all your online account passwords.

Just walk away, don't look back. Leave this man to die in a heap of his own excrement. It's more than he deserves.

There is nothing dear about this man...

WTAF have I just read. This is one if the most appalling things I have ever read. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY

Reverse?

I'm utterly shocked at this.

Please got to Citizens Advice at the very least.

He put the tenancy in his name he has always controlled everything and is abusive and has made sure I have no one to turn to. I have always been submissive and took each day as it comes but I'm now doing really well at work and I have always taken great care of myself now I turned 45 and i don't know how to turn things around. He has never worked a day as he has mental health issues. (Self entitled)

Leave him.

I have always been submissive

Why? For what reason?

Please ring Women’s Aid for advice on how to leave.

Well this is good news as it means you can up sticks and leave and won’t be liable for the rest of his tenancy. Find yourself somewhere to rent and LTB as fast as possible.

When you get your next wages, leave.

Don't go home, pack up little bits everyday and take them with you then when you get paid, you just don't go back.

Its his house in his name, yet you're the one paying all the bills and he's spending your money whilst not working.