Am I being mugged off by DP

[Maccaj78]

I have been with my DP for 14 Years which have not been easy. He has always been difficult unless he is getting what's he wants. He has never worked and I do each month he takes my wages and then tells me what I am allowed to have and then I practically have to beg for it. I earn good money yet he always insists we have none. My money pays all bills and food and he says he doesn't have anything yet there are always online packages arriving. He screams if I ask when he got them as he got them with his own money lol!! The other I questioned this again and he told me to get out of his house (which I pay for) knowing I have no where to go and that I have only just handed him my wages. I then looked into an old email of mine that he is using and found hundreds of online receipts from DH Gate and eBay as he constantly tells me he never gets anything. He just told me they were things he sent back.. lies because his wardrobe (which I rarely go in) is full of brand new clothes in packets he told he just likes stuff. He wears the same thing everyday!! He said I'm ungrateful for the thing I have and greedy and don't want to buy him anything.
AIBU for thinking I'm being used and mugged off

I rarely comment on these threads but I want to say NOW is your chance to get out. Take all you can carry in possessions, Clothes, work stuff, paperwork. Change that bank account tomorrow. Please don't let this golden opportunity go. Like a pp said find a Premier Inn then find am Airbnb but move at least 20 miles away. Whatever you do GET OUT NOW AND DON'T GO BACK. You can have a new, better life.

The gorgeous floofy nutjob I adopted 4 months ago just added a vase to his toll of destruction - following a bowl, a candle holder, a soap dispenser, my glasses and numerous scratches on my dining table and my nearly new sofa... he's lucky I love him!!!

@Maccaj78 honestly, take your chance and get away while he's locked up. He's despicable!

We are all absolutely rooting for you, @Maccaj78 - we want you to triumph! Stay strong. You are bloody brilliant 👏

Absolutely! I just don't understand though - the first time a man demanded my wages, I would have been gone! He must have really done a number on you @Maccaj78!! Posters are here willing you on xx

Make sure you turn your location off on your phone and off your apps such as Snapchat.

I'd even switch it off until you can go to a phone shop or you've checked for malware such as spying stuff. He sounds like the type.

I can't see if you've said you have a car or not? Check for tracker.

Give your important people where you're staying and room number then turn phone off.

I'd definitely consider getting a new number or even handset all together.

If you have any shared accountd such as prime or netflix for example, delete your card details so he can't spend on your cards. Log out of everything and change passwords on email accounts etc.

Boo. Boo this guy. Do something - anything - more interesting than being with him. It will be easy. You have permission to leave this shitshow...

I know you can't get mad at them can you.

She knocked a tealight off my fireplace last year and it chipped my marble fireplace. But can't get mad.

I just wish I knew how to keep her off it and the kitchen worktops. Everything is covered in fur.

Your baby sounds gorgeous x

💐

Erm, yes you’re being treated like a doormat. Why the eff do you give him YOUR salary?! Please please stop letting him abuse you, you deserve so much better than this. He sounds like a lazy, greedy pig.

Why an earth are you with this lazy pig, throw him out in the morning.

Stay strong. Get everything out of the house now whilst he’s in custody. Tell the police of all the incidents. Including monitoring your social media.
Dont lose faith now. You’ve done the hard part.

I've got three, two of them long-haired! There is fur everywhere!!! The two tortie/white girls are pretty good about worktops. The floofy boy sleeps on the dining table...! He's half Maine Coon/half Ragdoll.

I hope @Maccaj78 you haven't posted again because you're getting out x

Hope you're okay OP. You deserve so much better than this abusive control freak.

If the tenancy is in his name then you need to leave him to it. On the day that you get paid, leave. Go to a B&B if necessary but get out. He won't be able to afford to stay there without you bankrolling him. That'll be a nasty dose of reality for him to experience. Do not give way to him no matter how much he threatens/cajoles you. Speak to the CAB to find out what you can do.

And sod his mental health issues. He's caused you enough issues himself - he can rot in hell.

OP its really important that you cooperate with the police, sign a statement telling them EVERYTHING and then agreeing to go to court for a trial. So many victims drop the cases as they think everything will change but it never does. The police getting involved is your ticket out if there. Plus most of these wankers plead guilty when they see the whites of the victims eye turn up to court.

It wont be easy. He'll try and gaslight you and intimidate you to drop the case. Even though its not your decision as a prosecution can take place anyway its so much better if you find this strength to finally rid yourself of this monster and take it all the way. They can get you restraining orders etc to protect you

You are not leaving your "home" you are leaving a prison. I hope this is the first day of your new freedom and start if the best days if your life 💐

Everyone who has said why have you put up with this just doesn't know how it is living in this situation I was in a very similar situation alcoholic ex took my money and had control over everything and isolated me lots loads of friends to
I even left and went back because of the classic oh ill change

One day I couldn't take anymore and up and left after fanatically packing he went shopping and I legged it I put up with his abuse for 15 years and it has mentally hurt me

I'm so glad you don't have children together op you are a incredibly strong person you deserve better and you do have the strength to leave for good no matter how much you doubt that I promise you I left with no money but still managed it it I truly hope you get out of this awful situation

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ enrol on yje freedom programme to help you put boundaries in place. There are both on-line and person sessions.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Clear your search history on your Internet browser. It's great that you have reported the abuse to the police and seeking advice. Now write down all the abusive incidents and hand it to the police. If you find it hard to talk or remember everything just type it up and email it to whoever is handling your case.

OP, you know you are. I’d be biding my time, giving notice on any contracts this week and leaving shortly before the next pay day. Unless you have a history of being terrible with money and have asked him to help you budget/manage, this should not be happening

What’s he in custody for? Where are you now if it’s his house?

You should be thrilled. I know it's scary but you're free.

So glad you have left OP.

How have you been giving him the money?

If it’s a standing order cancel that asap.

Does he ever leave the house? Can you organise to sneak your stuff out? If you aren’t on the tenancy, you can just leave. Take as much as you can, you can call the police to remove your stuff, better to get out and leave some stuff, this is no life for you.

OP I am glad he is in custody, do you have some money and means to get out and stay elsewhere? Any friends or family you can let know you need help and get whatever precious things you have out of the house? The police can go with you if you’re concerned about your ex. You have done brilliantly to go to the police, I hope you’re safe.

If the tenancy is on his name, just go as soon as you can and don't look back. Easy to say, not that easy to do. Do you have a real life support network? Family, friends, etc? If yes, don't hesitate to leave.

I would be using the time he is in custody to pack things up and leave now @Maccaj78

This is exactly the sort of thing I would take a credit card out for and use as an emergency

Is there someone at work you can confide in who might be able to offer help/support.

A friend you can stay with until next wages.

Please open another account online. Even if its just a monzo one and tell your employer straight away to use those details. Have the card delivered to another address.