DH got drunk with my daughter(his stepdaughter) and her friend

[ByTealDreamer]

I am trying to figure out if i am overreacting or not. I allowed my daughter and her friend to hace a drink at a sleepover over the weekend (with the friends parents permission of course), and my DH decided he would sit there and get drunk with them alone and discuss some questionable subjects. My daughter and her friend are both under 16, though i wont specify exact ages. am i wrong for think that him discussing topics such as anti-muslim hate(something i by no means agree with), pedophilia, transphobia and other controversial topics, with two young and impressionable teenage girls whilst they had had a drink was out of line and absolutely absurd?!
please give me some opinions cause i cant tell if im seeing it for something it is not.

How much had they had to drink?

Were the parents of the other child expecting that they were going to be drinking?

I think when I was this age (15/16) we would drink wine at dinner with friends parents and friends and discuss all sorts of topics. I think the idea being that was preferable to us being out drinking in a park.

Did he actually get drunk?

Have to say it sounds a bit dubious to me.

Sounds a bit odd, yes

How drunk are we talking? I’ve discussed similar subjects with DSD and her friends while I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine but I think if I was a man I’d be aware of how that could appear.

He was very inappropriate to drink with them, or even hang around them, when they were drinking,even without discussing these subjects. He is putting himself at risk if accusations, or complaints from other parents. YABU to supply alcohol to under 16's in this situation too.

I'd say if these were topics that might be discussed in a non drunken context, then it's ok. Just say the kids hadn't been drinking, but he had and they discussed the same? Tbh I'm more worried about children under 16, I'm guessing more like 13 else you'd say, are having much if any to drink. I'd say just put down a boundary of no drinking for kids in his presence. You can ask him to be more mature as well.

Talking about topical news to teenagers is not a bad thing. Was he sending out bad messages or just discussing? Had they just had a drink or were they all drunk? Or was he drunk and dumping his opinions on them?

I guess it was an experience for the girls either way, but they may think less (or more maybe if they thought he was treating them like adults) of DH for it.

Whilst this sounds unbelievably dodgy.

It's very hard to know without knowing how drunk and it what context the discussions were had.

That's beyond weird, sorry.

Was your DD OK with him doing this?

That sounds creepy to me. How does your DD feel about it? Does she know she can confide in you if she has concerns about your husband?

I went to the pub with my Dad when I was 16. I am not sure it is that unusual.

Yes its weird, only a loser/creep would do this

This is very very inappropriate and is waving more red flags than a communist party parade. Take heed. Act before something more serious occurs.

Did you have explicit approval from the parents to ply their under 16yo with drink? If not then YANBU

The whole set-up is wrong. But mainly because under-16s shouldn’t have a drink at a sleepover. There’s so much evidence that normalising it at this age and approaching the “introduce it gradually at a younger age” creates problematic drinking habits and does the opposite of what you’re intending. Contrary to popular belief, teenagers in France and Italy don’t get given a glass of wine at this age.

And your DH needs to develop some self-awareness skills and think how his behaviour might be perceived by others, even if he intended no harm.

An adult male with 2 under 16s discussing more adult subjects whilst allowing them to drink alcohol and treating them as equals sounds like early stage grooming to me!

Inappropriate and I wouldn't be giving under 16's alcohol either, they've plenty of years to drink...what's the rush?

Would an adult discuss these issues with them sober, or is that weird too?

If I was the daughter or the daughter's friend at that age in that situation, I would have been very uncomfortable. It's not cool and could be read as awkward or even creepy.
Would you be comfortable if that happened at your daughter's friend's house?

Well I would take my daughter and move away from this man. He is discussing adult subjects with underage girls while they are drinking at his encouragement. He sounds a real sleazy bastard.

Oh and btw there is 0 circumstances where he needs to be discussing paedophilia with your step daughter & her friend at a sleepover while getting drunk with them.

Id bet anything he got a kick out of that. He probably fancies them both. All of my female friends with step dads as a child were creepy sleezes and would flirt with us kids 🤮🤢

Agree with this. an adult male drinking alcohol with underage girls is never going to look well - for good reason. Can't say I think much of you allowing alcohol at a sleepover for under 16s either.

Yes I think it's really odd that a non parent sat with 2 teenage girls and got drunk. Controversial but I think if he was the actual DF then it would have been ok. I assume you weren't there, so how did you find out about the topic of conversation? Maybe your DH was trying to impart his wisdom - like many an inebriated person does, lol. Are you worried what your DD's friend is going to say to her parents?

Where were you?

Where and in what context did this take place? Over dinner?

you allowed two under 16s to drink?

You're refusing to say how old they actually are... So they could be 14..

You allowed children to get.drunknin your home but you're worried that your DH discussed things with them, things that they probably.already.know about because of the internet.