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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH got drunk with my daughter(his stepdaughter) and her friend

294 replies

ByTealDreamer · 06/05/2024 20:15

I am trying to figure out if i am overreacting or not. I allowed my daughter and her friend to hace a drink at a sleepover over the weekend (with the friends parents permission of course), and my DH decided he would sit there and get drunk with them alone and discuss some questionable subjects. My daughter and her friend are both under 16, though i wont specify exact ages. am i wrong for think that him discussing topics such as anti-muslim hate(something i by no means agree with), pedophilia, transphobia and other controversial topics, with two young and impressionable teenage girls whilst they had had a drink was out of line and absolutely absurd?!
please give me some opinions cause i cant tell if im seeing it for something it is not.

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 06/05/2024 22:59

why on earth are you allowing, almost encouraging children to drink alcohol.
and that type, and quantity !
i would never let my child even visit a house like that, let alone stay overnight.
the whole thing is cock-eyed.

AlwaysGinPlease · 06/05/2024 23:01

Your DH sounds like a predator and you did nothing about it.

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:01

@thesunday hi! this is the original poster on another account as i was logged out. to clarify, its pretty normal in my area to allow teenagers to drink at home and stuff, not that it makes it right but that was the thought process. and i was upstairs with my son.

Stripeysocks1981 · 06/05/2024 23:03

How long have you been married to him, OP?

Onetiredbeing · 06/05/2024 23:04

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 22:51

@littleoldme1 hi! this is the original poster on a different account as i was for some reason logged out of that one. i originally allowed my daughter half a bottle of WKD, which then turned into that whole bottle and another bottle of Smirnoff ice, as much as thats not really a lot, my daughter doesnt weigh much meaning 2 bottles was likely a lot to her hence why i only sad half of a WKD

Are you for real ???

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:04

@alexdgr8 hi! this is the original poster on a different account as i was logged out. i never encouraged it, its normal in my area, my daughter hardly ever drinks, and it was originally only ever half a bottle of WKD, which DH then ignored and let her have more. its ofc up to you who you let your children around but i just wanted to clarify things

JosiePosey · 06/05/2024 23:04

Did they ask to have alcohol or did you offer it up?

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:07

@Onetiredbeing hi! this is op on another account. i cant quite tell how you mean "are you for real?" so if u could please explain, thatd be great👍

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:08

@JosiePosey hi this is op on another acc as i was logged out! they asked, i would never just offer alcohol.

LMMuffet · 06/05/2024 23:08

OP, your husband’s behaviour is worrying. He allowed your daughter more alcohol than you had said she was allowed (which frankly should have been none but others have covered that) and then got into discussions which, while not necessarily inappropriate since discussing things is good, are definitely topics that might make them feel more “adult.” This is exactly how grooming starts. Men who abuse teenage children don’t start by touching them, they start by making them feel like they are valued as “grown ups” so they can then “choose” what happens next. It stops children from understanding that they can’t consent and makes them less likely to report. It’s a classic grooming tool.

Look, it might have been wholly innocent and your husband might just be an idiot with no boundaries, but it’s a huge red flag and you have to have a chat with your daughter about your husband’s other behaviour in case more is going on in the background. I really hope not for your daughter and her friend’s sake. But you can’t immediately rule it out I’m afraid.

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/05/2024 23:08

Sorry: you were putting a younger child to bed at 11pm?!

Well, how long did that take? Long enough for 3 people, one an adult, to get drunk and range through multiple, unsavoury subjects?

Sorry, sounds unlikely.

Whitewatergrafting · 06/05/2024 23:10

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 22:58

@Whitewatergrafting hi! this is the poster on another acc due to being logged out for some reason. i realise that it probably wasnt a great decision seeing other peoples views on it, its just whats common in my area specifically, not that it makes it right. and i do have plans to leave my DH due to this and other issues

So you live in an area where drinking to excess in the home is the norm and you are simply perpetuating this and normalising it? It's literally weaning your DD and her friend on alcohol.

As for your plans to leave your DH, it sounds like there are other issues and this is the tip of the iceberg. I wish you well in gaining some perspective.

thesunday · 06/05/2024 23:11

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:01

@thesunday hi! this is the original poster on another account as i was logged out. to clarify, its pretty normal in my area to allow teenagers to drink at home and stuff, not that it makes it right but that was the thought process. and i was upstairs with my son.

Where I grew up it was normal too for 14 year olds to drink back I the 90s. We weren’t ready at all and it led to binge drinking etc etc etc honestly a shit start to adulthood.

this is the reason I don’t allow my kids to drink and wouldn’t let them hang out with others who do.

good for you to get this sorted now

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:11

@MrsSkylerWhite hi! this is op on another acc as i was logged out:) my son is unsettled so it took him from like 9pm to sleep as he was ill and had a cold and everything. to my knowledge they started drinking at about 9:30pm-11:30pm. i definitely should of checked and i admit i was wrong for not so hope that clears things up

ManyATrueWord · 06/05/2024 23:12

Red flag. I bet he got a kick out of it. Creepy AF

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:14

@Whitewatergrafting hi! yea this post has made me gain some perspective on how i shouldve had my own individual thought process rather going with the norm. i didnt offer it, my DD asked, i would never offer her alcohol. not that it makes it much better but just extra context really

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 06/05/2024 23:14

how did your dd tell you?

Your husband decided to gatecrash a young teen sleepover, get pissed and discuss paedophilia
And give her more to dribk than her mum specified. sounds like grooming doesnt it…

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:16

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled hi this is op on another acc as i got logged out sadly. basically she told me the next day and was absolutely horrified about what he was saying and was pretty aware his behaviour was odd. she was embarrassed to say the least..

BustyLee · 06/05/2024 23:17

This is pretty weird. Half a bottle of WKD for a young person under 16? Alcohol is so toxic for the body, let alone the developing body and brain of a young person. Your dh behaved like an idiot that night. And drunkenly expressing his views on those particular subjects with two young girls is awful.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 06/05/2024 23:18

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:16

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled hi this is op on another acc as i got logged out sadly. basically she told me the next day and was absolutely horrified about what he was saying and was pretty aware his behaviour was odd. she was embarrassed to say the least..

He got drunk, tried to get her drunk, talked to her about adults raping children and made her very uncomfortable. He wouldn't be staying near my daughter another night.

Stripeysocks1981 · 06/05/2024 23:19

OP how long have you known this man? I feel like not long at all. You KNOW his behaviour is a massive red flag. Trying to be the “cool” adult with young teenage girls. I’m honestly horrified reading this. You know the answer to your questions or you wouldn’t be here.

Tourmalines · 06/05/2024 23:20

Not sure why they needed to have a drink of alcohol at all . It’s not like they were at a function or anything like that . So it’s just a drink at home for the fun of it . They are too young for that , regardless if it’s only one even . You and your husband both acted irresponsible .

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:21

@Stripeysocks1981 hi! this is op on another acc as i got logged out of that one. ive been with him 10 years, and we definitely have a lot of issues but never anything like this, this may be because i have never before allowed my daughter to drink up until this weekend.

ForLimeBeaker · 06/05/2024 23:22

@Tourmalines hi! this is op on another acc as i was logged out. upon reflection i totally see the point of alcohol should of never been gave to them.

Rockschooldropout · 06/05/2024 23:23

He’s be out on his ear if that were me . No idea why you were giving them alcohol .. just because everyone else does it in your area doesn’t mean you have to .. your DH sounds like he behaved like a creepy predator .. but then I’m waiting for the drip feed of other things happening

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