DH got drunk with my daughter(his stepdaughter) and her friend

[ByTealDreamer]

I am trying to figure out if i am overreacting or not. I allowed my daughter and her friend to hace a drink at a sleepover over the weekend (with the friends parents permission of course), and my DH decided he would sit there and get drunk with them alone and discuss some questionable subjects. My daughter and her friend are both under 16, though i wont specify exact ages. am i wrong for think that him discussing topics such as anti-muslim hate(something i by no means agree with), pedophilia, transphobia and other controversial topics, with two young and impressionable teenage girls whilst they had had a drink was out of line and absolutely absurd?!
please give me some opinions cause i cant tell if im seeing it for something it is not.

Why were you putting your son to bed at 11pm?

Surely if he needs putting to bed he should have been going to bed much earlier

Then YOU would have been able to monitor your disgusting old pervert of a husband and tell him to stfu

Please rethink your approach. There is really a lot of evidence now that giving even small amounts at home at this age has the opposite effect to the one you intend. Children who drink alcohol at home with parents, even small amounts, are more likely to binge-drink with their friends and to develop problematic drinking habits than children who are not allowed to drink it at home. You need to stop this.

I don't understand the situation. Was it just your DH with the two girls?

If the other parents were there and they all got a bit tipsy & garrulous, that's one thing. If it's just one adult man, in somebody else's house, with two drunk teenage girls, then no matter the conversation, it's ... weird.

What was he supposed to be doing while the kids played grown-up?

Given how much we know about the side effects of alcohol and its long-term effects, I don't understand why alcohol has to be even involved for 14 year olds' sleepover?
It also appears that your husband and you are not on the same page regarding this as he clearly allowed your daughter to exceed her limits. He was obviously not a responsible parent, which is very very odd. Did he explain his actions?

with regards to your daughter, how did she finish a whole bottle while you were putting your son to sleep? Has she been given a punishment or an open conversation about her actions? Wonder if her friend has said anything to her parents.

it was the weekend, hed had a nap, and he also took a shocking amount of time to settle, i started putting him to bed at 9. i also did not know my DH would do something this odd and was horrified when i was told by my DD in the morning

Voted YABU as there is absolutely no reason to give 14/15 year olds alcohol. A drink with dinner perhaps but just drinking the 2 of them at a sleepover is completely unnecessary and sends out very unhealthy messages about needing alcohol to have fun.
Oh, and your partner is also a perv

Poor kids. Being talked AT by a drunk man on subjects they probably weren't planning on discussing together because he decided to be THAT MAN.
At this point I would be reassessing my relationship and looking for other signs (but I have experienced CSA & admit this may cloud my judgment)

So you left them for 2 hours, during which your partner allowed / encouraged your daughter to have more alcohol than you had said she could, and discussed all sorts of inappropriately topics.

I think you know what this is.

I remember having sleepovers with creepy dads / older brothers around. They were perverts who tried to act "cool" around teenage girls to feed their egos and their dreams. We happily led them on but knew they were pathetic really.

But how do you know what subjects were discussed?

Dont have any issues with topics discussed tbh. Regarding your dhs drinking with them, i honestly don't know, what did the two girls think?

So you were not actively involved in supervising them then? You are negligent and he's inappropriate at best and a certifiable creep at worst.

I'm a dad to two girls, now both adults. If they went to someone else's for a sleepover it was always arranged with the mum. If I ever knew my daughter had been solely under the supervision of a man she wouldn't have been allowed back. When my daughters had friends for a sleepover I kept myself as much out the way as reasonably practical. They might come into the lounge and say hi (I'd known most of the friends since nursery) but I would never have joined them in their room. I also never got drunk in front of my kids, friends or no friends present.

When I was that age I had a friend who's dad would be abit like this, all 'hey girls, look how cool I am, I'll treat you like adults and let you have a drink' he probably thought we all fancied him.....we all just felt incredibly uncomfortable and found him creepy, and after a couple of times me and a few others stopped going to her house as even as teenagers we felt he was overstepping some boundaries, your DH sounds abit like this.

Are you a part of some seedy child grooming ring where you swap drunk teen girls between homes (and between unrelated males)?
Pouring a 16yo a glass of wine at a wedding or giving a bottle of beer at a BBQ is one thing... But my mind just can't wrap around the pre-planning and all the intentional arrangements to supply these 14 (?) year olds with alcohol.
A bunch of creeps!

Also know these types of Dads. Had a friend with a stepdad like this and we all felt it was weird but we also felt very grown up. At one point my mum stopped me going round and I was obviously very angry but now I'm older I see why obviously. I feel so uneasy about it all now 😔

Yes. One of the biggest fallacy around alcohol is the normalisation early in life will result in you being sensible later. In my experience it just isn't the case and research backs it up. It's usually because the adults have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. As is the case here. Getting drunk with two non blood related underage girls and discussing those subjects. Even if he isn't actually a creep he is stupid. Who would even dream of doing that. How can you even have those conversations as a male with an underage friend of your step daughter.
There is no situation what so ever where this should not be of genuine concern to you.

He sounds like an idiot or a creep or both.

Op what is anti Muslim hate?

@Megifer good on your mum and thankfully she didn't send you round with a few cans to have a drink and discuss paedophilia with him.

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice-and-support/underage-drinking/teenage-drinking

so an adult got two teenage girls drunk and allowed / encouraged them or at least approved it. I despair. Never mind the inappropriateness of it.

Yep, I think there's one of them in every year group. We wanted the booze though so would put up with his nonsense while laughing at him behind his back. Total loser. We were all fascinated by his hideous old man dad shoes, if I remember correctly.

Tell you what though, none of us were ever on our own with him and we all felt sorry for his step daughter.

I'm not easily shocked but my eyebrows are hitting the ceiling. I might have missed this detail, but have the other girl's parents heard about this?

All parts of the OP are extremely unreasonable. I can’t get over inviting under 16s over to drink at a sleepover. Why are you and the other girls parents encouraging this? It’s bollocks that if you don’t give it to them they’ll be in the park off their heads with a bottle of White Lightening giving out BJs.

I have young teens and if another parent asked if it was ok for them to give my DC alcohol at their house, I’d question what goes on in that home and DC wouldn’t be going.

Your DH is also a cringy want to be cool dad at best and a predator at worst.

All kinds of unreasonable here.

Terrible parenting of even thinking it's ok to allow drinking at 14/15. It is definitely not normal in our circle of friends/family. Well there you go op, stupid ideas like this lead to these situations - because of alcohol.

@Alittlefrustrated

This is exactly what i thought too very similar sentiments as your post on here,

I also think it comes 🤔 across as Creepy inappropriate, as if testing the waters / boundaries leading up to some kind of grooming episode...

Your husband carrys on like this and he will end up in serious deep shit sooner or later
💩

Just warning ⚠️ you..

Sounds a bit odd to be honest

if it was all family/siblings plus friend having supper and then playing a game and there was some wine this is fine/typical

if it’s child plus friend and just your husband hanging around…handing out the alcohol? Weird

if my daughter is having a friend over my husband literally locks himself in the study out the way as teen girls are mortified by adults hanging around (this is only my experience of course)